


We are Not What Happens to Us

by kalikala28



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Agni Kai (Avatar), Angst, Azula is also terrible, Blood and Injury, Bromance, But with sex, Canon Compliant, Child Abuse, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Mentions of Infanticide, Mentions of Rape, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, More angst, More hugs for zuko 2020, Mutual Pining, Oh no there's only one bed, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Physical Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Semi Graphic Depictions of Violence, Slow Burn, Tagging as I go, Time Skips, Trust Issues, Underage Kissing, angst again, can zuko get any more awkward, for fun, idk guys, mentions of torture, tagging to be safe, we can certainly try, you know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 61,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25292761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalikala28/pseuds/kalikala28
Summary: Emaya sometimes imagines a certain Prince will rescue her, but she never imagined he might actually try. Or that it would all get so complicated.
Relationships: Zuko (Avatar)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 59
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure, I started writing this, and hated it. I continued writing it, and I still hated it. My mom died last month, and I've 100% been using it as a means of escapism, and it hasn't made me like it any more. Still hate it a lot, ngl. It's unbeta'd, it's tropey and cheesy and I hate OC fics pretty much universally, even when I am writing them. I'm super fucked up emotionally, so I can't even gauge if I hate it because it's awful, or if I hate it because of personal angst. idk, I am yeeting it into the universe. I have roughly nine chapters typed out so far, and I believe I'm about 2/3 of the way through the story, and I am still working on it as of now. I should just delete it all and call it a day, but I can't bring myself to do it, so here we are.

Emaya sighed and pulled the broom along the floor half-heartedly, even if she was glad she drew sweeping today, that didn’t mean she was excited about it, either. It was a rare moment of peace in the kitchen, and in fact, she was trying to remember if it had ever been this empty before in all her 8 years. She didn't think it had. There was always something to be done, and someone there to do it. Aside from the ever present crackle of the fires, the quiet was almost too... loud. For a moment, she tried to imagine the entire palace empty like this, but she was knocked out of her daydream all at once as a door swung open and a boy came racing around the corner and colliding with her, sending them both sprawling.

"Oof. Sorry." He said, a bit sheepishly, just as she blurted out, "Hey! Watch it walnut-brain! No running in the kitchens!" She pushed him off with a huff and stood, dusting off her clothes. She'd have to start over sweeping, as they'd landed in her dust pile and scattered it across the kitchen. She glared at him. He was about her age-- a page, probably, they were always running-- and looking at her like he wasn't sure what had just happened. Her eyes fell on the royal emblem stitched on his robes-- okay, definitely not a page-- and she immediately fell into an awkward bow. "My prince! I'm so sorry!" 

Her face felt hot, and she was sure she was in a lot of trouble. She'd just yelled at the prince and called him a walnut-brain. She wasn't sure which was worse, but she knew that if she somehow survived his punishment, she'd never survive Ziro's once he found out.

But all he said was, "It's fine,” waving his hands in dismissal before tugging at her to get back up. “Is there somewhere in here I can hide?" His eyes darted around the big room.

She averted her own. "Hide?" 

"Yeah." His mouth turned to a pout. "It's Azula's turn, and she always skips numbers, so I have to hurry." 

She chewed her lip, thinking. On the one hand, Ziro or any of the other kitchen staff would be back at any minute, and she'd be sorry if they caught her playing instead of working… on the other hand, she couldn't very well say no to the prince, could she? She wasn’t sure which would get her in more trouble, so she did what she wanted.

"I'll show you my super awesome most favorite hiding spot, but you have to promise you won't tell anyone." 

He smiled, relieved. "Okay."

She narrowed her eyes. Prince or no, this was her most important secret. "You have to promise."

He stood up straighter and looked her in the eye, suddenly serious. "On my honor, I won't tell anybody." 

It was a pretty good promise, Emaya could tell. "Okay, follow me." She led him through the kitchen to the pantry, over to a large shelf stacked with giant stock pots. "We only use these big ones for banquets and festivals, so no one even comes over here most days. I found it on accident." She crouched down low and reached into the small space between the shelf and the wall and pressed hard on the wall. She felt the stone she pressed give a little, and a small doorway appeared as a part of the stone wall sunk into the floor. 

Prince Zuko looked at the space with a grin, and started to crawl inside. "Azula says she knows all the secret spots, but I bet she doesn't know about this one." 

"There's another stone button inside, it works the door too. It will be dark, but you get used to it." Emaya shrugged. 

He grinned and held his palm up and a small flame sputtered above it. "Not a problem for me." 

There was a clattering in the kitchen, and Emaya winced. "I have to get back to work. Stay quiet." 

Emaya slipped out of the pantry and scooped up the broom again. Luckily, it wasn't Ziro, who had a mean streak and an eye for “lazy” workers, only a couple servers bearing dirty dishes. They didn't spare her a glance, and left as soon as they had dropped their load. She knelt to sweep up a small pile of dust, but came face to face with a sneering 6 year old.

Emaya dropped her gaze and bowed her head as quickly as she could. "Princess."

"Where is my brother?" She demanded. 

"Your brother?" Emaya asked, unsure what to do. She shouldn't lie to the princess, but giving up the prince felt like just as much of a betrayal, and she didn't want anyone else finding out her secret place.

Princess Azula rolled her eyes. "Yes, my brother, dummy. We are playing hide and seek. I saw him run this way. Tell me where he is." She stomped her foot with impatience. 

“I-- I was in the pantry, Princess, but I’ve heard someone running up the servants stairs.” She gestured meekly in the direction of the staircase across the kitchens, hoping she wouldn’t be pressed further.

Azula narrowed her eyes, intimidating in a way no one could expect from a six year old, and Emaya held her breath. The princess glanced around the kitchen with disdain, and turned towards the stairway without giving Emaya another thought. 

After a few minutes passed, the prince poked his head around the doorway, looking for signs of his sister. She didn’t immediately jump out and yell that he’d lost, so he figured it was safe to come out. He walked over towards the girl who’d helped him. “Where did she go?”  
Emaya jerked her chin towards the stairs. “I sent her up that way.”

The Prince’s eyes got wide. “You lied to Azula?! How? She always knows when I am lying.” 

She held her hands up, a little afraid of the accusation. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, I did not lie. I just… used parts of the truth? I told her that I had been in the pantry-- which was true, and that I’d heard someone running up the servants stairs-- which was also true, I have definitely heard people running on the stairs before.” She sincerely hoped the prince would appreciate her truth bending. Sure, she had done so on his behalf, but Azula was still royalty, and if he took offense, it would be bad. Very bad.

He didn’t look mad though, just thoughtful. “What’s your name, anyway?”

“Emaya.” She gave another awkward bow. Dealing directly with the Fire Lord’s family was not something she had been trained on. Lowly kitchen girls didn’t usually get one on one time with royalty.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Emaya. My name is Zuko.” 

Emaya couldn’t help it, and she giggled, pointing to the royal crest on his robes. “I know your name, silly.”

Prince Zuko blushed. “Right. Sorry.” He paused for a minute, “I just mean, you can call me Zuko. You don’t have to say ‘Your Highness’ or whatever.”

She smiled, but shook her head. “I don’t think I’m allowed.”

He nodded, and they stood there a bit awkwardly. “Well, I should go hide somewhere else, before Azula comes back. Thank you for helping me.” He ran to the door, but looked back and called out before disappearing, “And don’t worry, I will remember my promise!”

Almost as soon as he vanished, the kitchen seemed to come alive with people, the way it always was. Ziro came bustling in from the dining room, shouting orders and making threats. She went quickly back to her broom, and if she spent the day reliving those moments, mortified and amazed in turn, no one seemed to notice. 

She’d be lying if she said that in the following few weeks she didn’t secretly hope that Prince Zuko would use her hiding spot again. And maybe she spent the hours doing her chores also imagining a thousand different scenarios and conversations that may or may not have ended with him declaring them best friends and that she would never have to wash another dish again. In the end, though, he never did, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she hadn’t just day-dreamed the whole thing after all.

*~Three Years Later~*

“EMAYA, GET OVER HERE.”

The girl winced, and tried to think of what she had done this time. “Yes Ziro?”

He gave her a once over and tsked before grumbling, “Take these up to the Royal Gardens.” He thrust a platter of fruits at her and she scrambled to take it so that it didn’t spill.

“Me?” The question bubbled out of her before she could stop it, and he rounded on her.

“Did I stutter?!”

She took a step back. “No, Ziro.”

He grabbed her arm, hard. “Believe me, if I had any other option, I would take it, but we’re short handed and behind schedule.” He said it as if it was her fault half the staff had taken ill that week. “Princess Azula is entertaining today, and she is not the most patient. You think I am hard on you?” He barked a laugh. “Leave the tray, keep your head down and your mouth shut. Do you understand?” 

She nodded. “Yes, Ziro.”

“Good. Get out of my kitchen.”

She walked as quickly as she could through the expansive palace. She wished she could take a more direct route, but servants must stick to servants passages at all times. She tried to smooth her hair and clothes as she walked, for all the good it would do her. She was not dressed as a server, whose only job was to basically carry things from one place to another, and whose clothes were regularly cleaned and pressed, whose appearance was carefully crafted each morning, so as not to offend. No, she was dressed as a kitchen maid, whose job was to scrub and scour. 

Not that she was ashamed of her work, someone had to do it, and she was pretty good at it, for an almost 12 year old, anyway, but if she’d known she was taking a trip to the Royal Gardens today, she would have at least combed her hair and washed her face on her lunch break. She hoped she could get in and out without anyone seeing her. 

She stepped carefully through the servants door, and squinted in the bright sun. She blinked rapidly and tried to look for some indication of where she was supposed to leave the tray. The gardens were quiet, but for the sounds of birds and splashing water. She followed the path, lined with large vibrant flowers, to a clearing near a small pond. There was an ornate table and chairs set to one side, with evidence of people having just gotten up and left. She sighed with relief, walked to the table, and very carefully slid a book aside to make room. She set down the tray of colorful fruits and backed up a little before whirling around, glad to be done. She very ungraciously slammed into a person behind her.

“My apologies, I…” She trailed off, mentally kicking herself, bowing and keeping her eyes on the ground. 

“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. It’s just that--”

She was fairly certain she knew that voice, and looked up just long enough to confirm it. “Prince Zuko, I didn’t mean to interrupt--”

“I knew it!” He peered at her. “Your name is Emaya, right?”

She froze. “You... remember me?”

“Of course! I wasn’t sure if it was you, at first.” He grinned at her, and then brightened. “This is perfect though, Azula is off harassing guards with Mai and Ty Lee, but I can’t really show her this anyway. C’mon.” He held out a hand.

She looked at his hand for a long time, weighing how much she wanted to go with him against how mad Ziro was going to be. “I should really get back to work…” She said, but her heart wasn’t in it.

Zuko regarded her for a minute before reaching forward and taking her hand anyway. “Come on. It's only fair. You shared your secret with me, now I’m going to share one with you. Mine isn’t quite as exciting, but I think you’ll like it anyway. Besides, I’m the Prince, you’re supposed to do what I say, right?” 

She laughed at that, and let him pull her along. He had a point. “When you put it that way...” 

“Great!” He led her along the path, around the small pond, and behind a wide tree. He crouched down into the reeds, moving slowly and carefully. He pulled aside a wide swath of the reeds and waved for her to come closer. “They just hatched this morning.” He said in a whisper.

She climbed down the bank, and crept closer to him to look over his shoulder. A large nest of sticks and feathers was nestled into the mud holding six or seven tiny peeping turtleduck chicks. She cooed at their cuteness, and the mama turtleduck hissed at the noise. “Sorry!” She whispered. “They are so cute!”

He nodded. “I think so too. My mom says we shouldn’t touch them, but I hope when they are a little older, they learn to trust me a little. We feed them sometimes, and I think I could maybe get them to eat right out of my hand.” He let the reeds slip back into place, sheltering the new family, and then stood and helped her with the small climb back up to the path.  
“So,” He chuckled awkwardly, “do you want to stay and play with me?” He looked at her hopefully.

“Um…” She wanted to. She really really wanted to just stay and be a kid for a while, but she also really liked that all her fingers and toes were still attached to her body. “I don’t think I can. They are pretty busy today, in the kitchens, I mean. That’s the only reason they had me come up today, and not somebody, er, better.” 

“Oh.” He pouted, then brightened. “Maybe tomorrow?” 

She hesitated, not sure what she should do. She got the feeling that he just didn’t know that it didn’t work like that. That she couldn’t just nip off and come play, even if she wanted. That even in her free time, she wouldn’t be allowed to come up here. That she shouldn’t even be looking at him, let alone having an entire conversation with him. That she was likely already in trouble. And she was not equipped to explain it to him, either. 

But wasn’t it also wrong to turn down a member of the royal family? To not speak when spoken to? There was no win for her in this situation, and she had run out of time.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a server approaching, and the look on her face was not a nice one. The server stopped and bowed low to the prince. “My apologies, my prince, but this one is needed back in the kitchens.” 

Zuko’s eyes narrowed before he caught himself, and he smiled. “Of course.” He turned to Emaya. “Thank you, for indulging me. I apologize for taking up so much of your time.” 

Emaya bowed low as well, and then turned to follow the server into the hall, and back to the kitchens. She pretended not to notice when the server pulled Ziro aside, but there was no doubt about it. She was in deep trouble.


	2. Chapter 2

_All things considered,_ she thought as she gingerly wrapped the ripped linen around her bloody knuckles later that night, _it could have been worse._

Ziro had ignored her the rest of the day, except to bark orders at her, of course. She had almost convinced herself that he’d forgotten about it, but then he’d dismissed the shift for the day and bellowed her name. She steeled herself with the knowledge that she hadn’t really done anything wrong, and stood in front of him. 

“Just who do you think you are?” He hissed.

His question caught her off guard, and every defense she'd mentally prepared went out the window. “I-- I don’t--”

“You think you are better than the rest of us, working our asses off down here?”

“No!" 

"Think you're entitled to a nice chat with royalty?" 

"The Prince asked me--”

“Eyes down, mouth shut!” He interrupted, bellowing. “That is what I told you. HE SHOULDN’T HAVE EVEN SEEN YOU!”

“I’m sorry, I tried to--”

“No more excuses.” He grabbed a flat wooden spoon and gestured to the big wooden cutting block. “Hands.”

“Ziro, I didn’t--”

“Hands. Now. Or I get a knife instead.” He grinned at her, and she felt sick. She walked over and grit her teeth before placing both hands flat on the block. She screwed her eyes shut so she wouldn’t flinch. 

_Whack._ The spoon struck the back of her right hand. She grunted, but didn’t move, she knew that’s what he wanted. If she dared to pull her hands away, it would go very badly, very quickly. _WHACK._ That one was much harder, and across the knuckles of both hands. She cried out, but kept her hands still and her eyes screwed shut. This is how it was. Ziro was the judge, jury, and executioner in the kitchen, and she wouldn’t be done until he was satisfied. _WHACK, WHACK, WHACK._ She tried not to think about what it would mean for her art if she lost a finger, but she still knew better than to move. She lost count. 

_WHA-CRACK._ The wooden spoon splintered, and pieces flew in many directions. She stared at her bloody hands in disbelief, relief, and a little bit of confusion. She looked up at Ziro, not sure what to expect, but praying he didn’t start looking for another tool. 

He looked almost as surprised as she was. "You broke my spoon!" He glanced around the room, and then back to her. "If I was a cruel man, I would go get the tenderizer to use and keep going until your fingers were nothing but mush. Since I'm nice, I'll dock your allowance instead." His voice dropped to a threatening growl. "The next time you dare to step above your station, I'll take your tongue. Get out." 

Emaya had left without comment, holding both hands to her chest, tears streaming down her face, not sure whether to be relieved or angry. 

The next morning when she'd changed her bandages, her fingers were all swollen with shades of blue and purple, but they had all moved a little when she carefully flexed them and she figured she'd live. 

Ziro, of course, was a nightmare. He purposefully gave her tasks that required the use of her hands just to watch her struggle. She’d expected it, to be honest, and she did them as best she could anyway. What she did not expect, however, was to be told she would be making another trip to the Royal Gardens that day. 

“W-what?” She asked incredulously. "Why?"

“What better way to see if you have learned your lesson?” A nasty grin formed on his face, and she wanted to hit him. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right there making sure that you control yourself, and if you don't…." He shrugged, still grinning. "Now go clean yourself up and put these on.” He thrust some of the dark red server robes at her. 

As she pulled the robes over her head, she hoped against hope that Zuko was not in the Garden today. She could get in and out no problem, as long as he wasn't there. She thought about the turtleduck chicks and sighed, he was definitely going to be in the garden, and there was definitely no way he wouldn’t say hello, and there was absolutely no way she could get out of any of this without getting in more trouble. 

She slipped back into the kitchen, feeling like an imposter in the server's robes. The feeling multiplied when Ziro snickered at her. There was a cart loaded with what looked like lunch service for the Prince and Princess, and Emaya inwardly raged. This whole thing was so unfair.

She followed Ziro along the servant's corridors until they came to the door to the garden. He gestured for her to go on, and he leaned casually against the door. She tried to push the cart along the path quietly, but the dishes rattled at every pebble or groove in the path. She made it to the table and began to set it, her bandaged hands making her awkward and slow. Her breathing was erratic, and she was trying to convince herself that maybe, dressed as a server, the Prince would not recognize--

"Emaya!"

She heard him call out, but pretended that she hadn't, and tried to lessen the shaking in her hands so she could just finish her task and get out. 

He ran towards her, smiling, and placed a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. "Em!" She dropped to the floor in a low bow without a word, but not before he saw the fear and anger in her eyes. He openly stared, confused. Hadn't he made it clear that this really wasn't necessary? Not with him, anyway. His dad and Azula might love the attention, but Zuko found it tedious, and it made him uncomfortable. He made to grab her hand to help her up, and noticed the bandages. 

He knelt down and gingerly took one of her hands in his. She let him, but she didn't move otherwise. He could see the purple tips of her fingers, and he sucked in a breath. "What happened?" She didn't respond, and he could feel himself getting frustrated. "Emaya. Sit up and look at me." She straightened a little and her eyes met his for only a minute before they were back on the ground. He took her other hand and saw it was just as bad. "Tell me what happened." 

Emaya was shaking. Whether from fear or rage or the stress of it all, she wasn't sure. Her eyes flicked to Ziro, who was looking like the alligator-cat that got the cream. He knew she couldn't win here. Defy the Prince, get in trouble; Defy him, get in trouble. She'd known he was cruel, but she hadn't expected him to rig the game. Still, she had no choice but to play it.

She was fairly certain that the Prince wouldn't be cruel-- even if her entire life she'd been warned and reminded of the royal family's swiftness to anger and tendency to punish first and ask questions later-- and she had first hand experience of Ziro's viciousness. It was probably in her best interest to offend Zuko over Ziro. And yet. 

She took a breath. "I'm sorry, Prince Zuko, but I'm not allowed to speak to you." She'd meant to sound defiant, for her voice to carry to Ziro, but it came out as barely more than a whisper.

Zuko stilled, his mind whirling. What did she mean, she wasn't allowed to talk to him? He knew that generally, servants and attendants were not allowed to approach or speak unless given permission, which he'd never really considered until now. _Did she get in trouble for talking to me?_

He immediately felt guilty, he'd addressed her, after all. She'd wanted to go back to work, and he'd made her stay. What could she do, tell him no? He'd even said, _"I'm the Prince, you're supposed to do what I say."_ He should have been the one to get in trouble, not her. 

But even that wasn't right. He was a Prince, and he could address anyone he pleased. Well, that wasn't exactly true either, but she shouldn't have gotten in trouble for being polite and doing what she was told. He looked again at her hands, still in his, and a terrible thought occurred to him. 

"Was this your punishment?" He asked softly, holding her hands a little higher. "For speaking with me?" He felt more than saw her small nod. He could feel anger bubbling up in his chest, feel his muscles tensing and his breaths coming faster. 

Emaya could almost feel the anger building up in him, and she wondered if she had miscalculated, maybe Ziro was the safer choice after all.

Zuko moved to unwrap one of the bandages, and his anger doubled when she flinched. He let it be and searched her face. "Who did this?" He demanded.

She looked up at him then, and her eyes cut for half a second to where Ziro stood of their own accord. She was gratified by the fact that he no longer looked so smug, but she still had no idea what to expect from either of them, or even herself. 

Zuko caught her glance towards the door and followed it. His eyes narrowed, and he stood. "You." He called, coldly. "Come here." 

Emaya's heart pounded as she watched Ziro straighten and slowly approach, looking suddenly uncomfortable. He stopped a small distance away and inclined his head. "Can I be of service to you, Prince Zuko?" 

Zuko took a calming breath. "Tell me, are you a member of my royal family?" 

Ziro glanced between Zuko and Emaya, who was still kneeling next to him, and back to Zuko. "Apologies, my Prince, but I don't understand." 

"Answer the question. Are you a member of this royal family?" 

"N-no, my prince. I am head of the kitchen staff." 

Zuko nodded, as if thoughtful. "I didn't think so. Do you hold any military rank then?"

"No, my prince." Ziro answered again, still confused.

"Hmm. Then why do you think your words should hold more sway than mine?" 

Ziro stepped back like he'd been slapped. "Prince Zuko, that certainly isn't the case!"

Zuko's voice dropped into a near growl. "Then explain these wounds to me."

He sputtered. "A punishment, my Prince. We have to keep a firm hand, you know."

"What was her crime, exactly?" Zuko demanded. 

"Disobedience. And speaking out of turn."

"Disobedience to whom?"

"Disobedience to, ah, me, my Prince."

"I see." He turned. "Emaya, were you disobedient?" 

She started, unexpecting the conversation to be suddenly directed at her . "I-- I didn't keep my eyes down and my mouth shut as I was told to do, but--"

"You see? She admits her guilt!"

Zuko silenced him with a glare, "So what should she have done when I spoke with her? What response could she have given that would have spared her? Would you have her defy a member of the royal family?" 

Ziro's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a few seconds. "No! I-- I wasn't aware that was the case, my Prince, apologies." 

"Emaya," Zuko said, turning to her, and in that moment, he looked every bit a Fire Nation Prince, "did you explain that I had asked for your assistance?"

Emaya tried to swallow her anger at the memory. "I wasn't given the chance to explain, Prince Zuko." 

Prince Zuko crossed his arms, and debated. He wanted to make sure this man couldn't hurt Emaya or anyone else again, but he honestly wasn't sure he was allowed to go around banishing the help. Azula got away with assigning punishments to her maids all the time, but even with as angry as Zuko was, the idea left a bad taste in his mouth. Still, this man was obviously comfortable being cruel, and if Zuko went easy on him now, he'd be telling him it was okay. He looked at Emaya's bandaged hands again. It was definitely not okay. 

"I might be a child, but I am not naive. I understand that at times, punishment must be dealt. Actions must have consequences," Ziro was nodding, relieved. Zuko continued, as if he didn't notice, "and so these are yours. You have treated one of my people unjustly, and abused the power my family has entrusted to you. Guards! See that he receives the same punishment that he found so appropriate yesterday."

In the span of a breath, four men materialised from the greenery around them and in another breath had a sputtering Ziro in hand, marching him towards the door. 

Before Zuko could turn and help Emaya stand, a slow clap echoed through the garden, and Princess Azula stepped out from the shadows. "I must say, Zu-zu, I am impressed. I honestly didn't think you had it in you." Zuko regarded his sister warily, but she just laughed as she moved past him. "A little weak-sauce on the punishment, mind you, but creative. He'll definitely think twice about ever hurting your… pet." Her eyes fell on Emaya, calculating. 

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Don't be rude, Azula. Go get a healer." He turned finally to Emaya, not sure what to say.

"I don't run errands, brother." Azula snapped and then walked off.

Emaya held up her hands for peace, "I'll be okay, really, please don't fuss over me." 

"No," Zuko said stubbornly. "You need to see a healer. Follow me." He led her to the table she had tried to set earlier. "Wait here." 

He turned and walked down a second path and she stood there awkwardly. She allowed herself a small sigh of relief. This whole day had had more ups and downs than a three humped camel-horse, and as glad as she was that she'd survived it, she was ready for it to be over. 

On the other hand… she did _not_ look forward to going back to the kitchen, there was no way Ziro would let bygones be bygones. He would bide his time and then find a way to pay her back. She huffed. Not that she was really to blame for it, but he certainly wouldn't see it that way. There was a tiny voice in the back of her mind that kept tossing out the idea of Zuko allowing her to work elsewhere, so that she wouldn't have to see Ziro ever again, but she told that voice to hush. Zuko had been so kind already, she admonished herself, she needed to be grateful for what she had. 

Her inner monologue was interrupted by a tall young man entering the clearing, with Zuko steps behind. If he thought it strange for an eleven year old girl to be standing in a borrowed servers outfit with smashed fingers in the middle of the Royal Gardens, he didn't show it. He only smiled kindly at her and asked her to sit. She could almost feel him scanning her for injury.

He moved a chair around the table and sat directly in front of her, setting his bag on the ground between them. "My name is Noro, the Prince tells me you have been hurt?" At a loss, she just held up her hands in answer. Noro's smile slipped a fraction. "I see. May I?"

He held out a hand for hers, and she let him carefully remove the crude bandage from one of her hands. She felt weirdly embarrassed by the mottled purples and blues of her swollen fingers, and she felt her face heat. He examined her hand carefully, apologizing each time she winced, and again when he applied the burning antiseptic to the torn skin on her knuckles. He pulled out a roll of soft white gauze and began to re wrap everything. "This one looks good, aside from the bruising. No fractures." Emaya nodded, and snuck a look at Zuko, who was watching with his arms crossed and a pained expression. 

Noro repeated the process with her left hand, frowning as he plucked a large wooden splinter from her skin. He looked at her with a raised brow. Again, she felt the humiliation of it redden her cheeks. She remembered the way the spoon had virtually exploded, but she only shrugged as way of explanation. He didn't press the issue. 

He finished with another roll of gauze. "Try to use them as little as possible for the next few days. Keep them elevated as much as possible, and you can ice them to help with pain and swelling." 

Emaya nodded. "Thank you."

Noro smiled and began cleaning up his supplies. "No worries." He stood, turned to Prince Zuko, and inclined his head. "Did you need anything else, my Prince?" 

"No. Thank you."

Noro inclined his head again, and left. Zuko dragged the chair back to the other side of the table, and then stood there, staring at the ground. Emaya watched him, and wondered if she was supposed to leave or stay. The silence between them stretched and got awkward. She searched for something to say to break it.

Zuko sucked in a breath, and then fell into a bow. "I'm so sorry."

Emaya stood in surprise and backed up a few paces, "What are you doing?!" She hissed, glancing around frantically. 

He looked up at her, perplexed. "I'm apologizing." It came out as more of a question.

"Get up!" She practically begged, and Zuko stood up slowly, looking at her like she'd lost her mind. "What are you bowing to me for?!" She demanded, glancing around again, just to be sure no one saw.

Zuko crossed his arms. "I was just trying to be sincere, geez." 

She deflated a bit, and hugged her chest. "Well that doesn't make any sense either! What do you have to be sorry for?"

Zuko looked pointedly at her hands. "You _told_ me you had to go back to work. I should have listened, but I made you stay. This is my fault."

"Oh, no." She waved the idea away. "Ziro's just… like that."

Zuko frowned. "What do you mean?" 

She struggled for the right words. "It's just-- He knew that I would probably mess up, and he picked me anyway. I've been lucky, because I'm pretty good at being invisible. I don't exactly… stand out." 

"I don't understand. Mess up how?"

"I'm not a server," she made a vague gesture at the robes she wore, "I'm not even old enough to be trained for that, and I certainly wasn't dressed for it. This wasn't setting tables in the barracks or something, this was the _Royal Gardens._ My presence was bound to offend somebody." She shrugged. 

Zuko didn't like the resigned way she talked about it. He didn't like the implications that this was a daily occurrence, and he didn't like that he'd been completely ignorant to it. He debated asking her to tell him what happened, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know the details. "What do you want to do now?" He asked.

She was thrown a bit by the question. She didn't think she'd ever been asked what she wanted before. "Honestly?" She asked, and he nodded. "Today was… a lot. I want to eat a hundred lemon tarts and then sleep for ten years."

Zuko chuckled at that, even if he was a little disappointed. "Yeah, that sounds like a good way to end the day. I'll call an escort for you."

She waved her bandaged hands in front of her almost frantically. "Oh, that's okay, really. I know my way." 

Zuko turned and motioned for her to follow. "Nope. You hang out with a prince, you get an escort." He shrugged. "I don't make the rules." 

She narrowed her eyes at his shit eating grin. "Technically, you do." 

"Well, technically, my Grandfather does." 

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, but really, it's not necessary, and I will feel silly." 

But Zuko wasn't convinced it wasn't necessary. Until he knew where Ziro had been taken, and whether he had been released already, he wasn't going to let her wander around the palace alone. He found a guard near the servants corridor. "Sorry, Emaya, my hands are tied." 

She huffed a sigh. "Fine. Thank you, Prince Zuko." 

"Just Zuko." He corrected.

"Sorry, _my Prince,_ " she parroted sweetly, "my hands are tied."


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Emaya had no idea what to expect when she walked into the kitchen, but a page bearing a royal invitation addressed to her had not been on the list. She did her best to avoid the curious looks and Ziro's glare. _So much for being invisible,_ she thought. 

When she arrived in the garden, a mixture of nerves and excitement, Noro was waiting for her. He chatted with her while he changed her bandages, noting that though her hands looked much worse today, it was to be expected, and actually the cuts on her knuckles were healing fine. Zuko appeared, grinning, as Noro was finishing rewrapping her hands. 

They spent nearly every minute together, the following days. She'd wake up to a different page bearing an invitation, bear the jealous glares and friendly teasing of the other staff, and then enter the garden greeted by Noro with fresh bandages. At the end of the day, Zuko would send her back to the kitchen with an escort. Even though she protested every time. 

They made up games to play that she didn't need her hands for. Most times, it was just the two of them, but a couple times Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee joined in too. Emaya suspected Mai didn't care for her much, and she could do without Azula's constant scorn and backhanded comments, but Ty Lee was nice. 

They watched and fed the turtleducks together, cheering them on the first time they took to the water, and holding their breath each time the turtleducklings dared to come a tiny bit closer. 

But mostly, they talked. 

They talked about their favorites (and least favorites). Foods, colors, flowers, memories, anything that came up, really. She told him about her attempts at woodcarving, and how the last one even sort of looked like a platypus-bear, which is what she was going for. He told her about vacations to Ember Island and swimming in the sea. She told him how she'd found her hiding spot, and how she sometimes spent entire days off secreted inside, with just a candle, a pillow, and her woodcarving. He told her what it was like to bend fire, and blushed when she asked for a demonstration. "Azula's much better at it." He'd muttered, but she insisted. He'd blushed even harder when she clapped at the end, delighted.

He told her about his cousin Lu Ten, and showed her the gift from his Uncle Iroh. She told him about her mother, conscripted into the army because of her firebending when Emaya had only been five. They talked about the war, and what the world might be like when it was over. 

"I want to travel." He'd confessed. "I think it would be neat to see the other nations." 

She bit her lip. "But Prince Zuko, won't they… all be part of the Fire Nation? When the war is over?" 

He rolled his eyes at the stubborn use of his title, and mulled that over. "Technically, they will, I guess, but there will still be so much to see and learn."

It frustrated Zuko that she still insisted on addressing him formally. He'd corrected her almost every time, but she still insisted. He hated the distance it put between them, but he thought maybe she was afraid of getting in trouble again.

Noro finally declared her hands well enough for her to go without bandages, and he'd given her a few exercises to do each day to combat the stiffness in her joints and encourage full range of motion. The turtleducklings snatched bread from their hands and then quickly swam away, startled by their sudden cries of triumph and laughter. 

It was easily the best few weeks of her life, and it all ended entirely too quickly. They were chasing each other along the paths, teasing and laughing. There was the sound of someone clearing their throat, and Zuko froze. He looked up to the balcony above and then immediately bowed. "Good afternoon, Father, Mother." 

Emaya whirled at that, and fell into a kneeling bow, suddenly terrified. 

"What's this?" Ozai demanded. 

"This is Emaya, my friend." Zuko said, in a not quite defiant tone. 

"Are there not plenty of high born children for you to play with?" 

Ursa put a hand on his arm. "Ozai, they are only children playing together."

Ozai ignored her. "There is no need to borrow from the help, Zuko. You will find friends appropriate to your station."

"But father--"

"Put her back wherever you found her." Ozai interrupted.

"But Father--" Zuko tried again.

"I forbid it!" He bellowed. "Send her back or I will send her away. You are not to see her again." 

"Yes, Father." Zuko said dejectedly. 

Ozai left without another word, leaving Ursa to look sadly at their son before she turned and followed him. 

Emaya kept her head pressed to the ground until Zuko tapped her shoulder. She sat up slowly, and neither of them could quite look at the other. "I guess… I should go."

"This isn't fair." Zuko said, blinking. "I don't want any other friends, Em." 

Emaya nodded, and rose to her feet. Trying desperately to swallow the lump in her throat and say something. Anything. But what could she say?

They stood there for a moment, both at a loss. Eventually, he led her to the guard and requested her escort. They lingered, neither really willing to face what would be their last moment together. 

All at once, Zuko pulled her into a hug. Her tears fell, even if she fought them, and she hugged him tightly back. The guards pretended not to notice.

"I've had a really good time, Prince Zuko." She murmured when they stepped apart, “Thank you.” 

"Yeah, me too." He said.

*~*~*~*~*

Over the next few months, Emaya settled back into her routine in the kitchen. The first week was the worst, looks of jealousy and pity and rumors whispered behind hands, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't randomly start crying from time to time. It was a strange thing, to grieve someone that was still alive, still so close. Even that, however, couldn't overshadow the fact that Ziro was gone. 

She didn't know if he'd quit or if he was fired or what, but he wasn't there to harass the kitchen staff anymore, and that was all that mattered to Emaya. His replacement was an older woman named Ikori. Ikori was stern, and was known to thwack anyone caught dawdling with whatever utensil she had handy, but she was not cruel. Her punishments were always more labor intensive than painful. 

Ikori could also be kind, though she'd never admit it. Emaya had witnessed her turning a blind eye more than once when extra tarts disappeared from trays. She always made extra, And Emaya suspected it was on purpose. 

As time went on, news of the war and the Royal Family filtered through the staff, as it always did, but now Emaya found herself paying attention. When word of Lu Ten's death reached them, her heart ached for Zuko. He'd looked up to his cousin so much, and had spoken of him often. Then, too soon after that, the sudden death of his grandfather, Fire Lord Azulon, and the disappearance of Fire Lady Ursa. So much loss in such a small span of time. 

Emaya wanted to go to him, consequences be damned, and she envisioned a hundred ways to do so, each more outrageous than the last. She didn't, though. The last thing she wanted was to cause him more pain or grief. 

If she was honest with herself, it wasn't just for his sake that she stayed away. He had been Prince Zuko when they'd played together in the garden, but now he was Crown Prince Zuko, and if there had been a distance between them then, now it may as well have been a canyon. 

Time passed. Before Emaya knew it, more than a year had gone by since she'd last spoken to the Prince. Then two. She spent most of her days in the kitchen, obviously, but if she had some time for herself, she liked to take her knife and a block of wood up to the rooftop garden and literally whittle away the hours. 

It was probably a bit foolish and childish, but she had crafted a piece for Zuko. It had taken her a few months and more than three attempts before she had something she was satisfied with. She told herself that it was just a way to remember their friendship, a way to grieve what was lost, but she wrapped it in colorful cloth and ribbon and often imagined ways that she could try to secret it to him. It sat at the bottom of her trunk, hidden but not forgotten.

She was kneading the bread for the day, lost in her own thoughts and the push-pull of her hands when she thought she heard the Prince's name. She looked up to see two servers that were gossiping in hushed whispers, and Emaya strained to hear. 

"...declared Agni Kai."

"His own son? Against the general?!" The second girl whispered, aghast. 

"Yes. And Prince Zuko accepted!" The first girl said, barely keeping it to a whisper.

"That's terrible. When?!" 

"Tomorrow night, I believe."

"I can't imagine. He's only thirteen, could he even--" 

Ikori entered the kitchen just then, looking strained, and shooed them out. She caught sight of Emaya, standing frozen with her hands sunk into the blob of dough. "S'there a problem, girl?" She asked, but there was kindness in it.

Emaya shook herself. "No, Ikori." 

Ikori frowned, but didn't press. "Good. We've got a lot to do before tomorrow, and I will need your help." 

There was a warning in that, and an apology. Emaya wondered how she could do that. How she could say one thing, but make it clear she means something else. 

She wasn't lying, though. There was a lot to do, and any hope that Emaya held that the rumors were wrong evaporated as news of the event spread. Any Agni Kai between members of court was a big deal, but an Agni Kai where one opponent was the Crown Prince? Anybody who was anybody would turn up to watch. 

She kept busy in an attempt to distract herself from the worry. It was near impossible, because it was the _only_ thing people seemed to want to talk about, but she tried anyway. She worked well past her shift, into the late hours, wiping the counters down mindlessly for the third time. 

"Get to bed, girl." Ikori said from the doorway. The few staff present made themselves scarce. 

Emaya paused, and then tried to swallow the question as it clawed its way out of her. "Why would he accept?"

Ikori sighed, and walked toward her. "It's nothing to do with us."

"It doesn't make any sense." 

Ikori shrugged. "I'm sure I don't understand why any of them do anything."

Emaya chuckled a little at that, despite herself, then sobered again. "I know I should mind my own business, that it’s not my place to care, but… I do."

"I know." Ikori replied. Emaya believed it. She never talked to anyone about her time with the Prince, but she expected Ikori knew most of it anyway. People gossip, and Ikori was pretty good at knowing things. 

"He’s his own son! How could the Fire Lord--"

"Shush." 

Emaya took the hint and bit her tongue.

"That's enough now. Get to bed. We have twice as much to do tomorrow, and I don't need you dead on your feet, getting in the way." 

Emaya nodded, and did as she was told. 

She slept like shit, and woke up the next morning feeling sick. She entered the thinly veiled chaos of the kitchen and wished she could hide in her secret place all day.

It was usually only like this the day of a festival or celebration, but the air did not hold the same kind of excitement. It was thick with tension, as if everyone was holding a collective breath. She went and found Ikori. "I want to be a server today." She said frankly. 

Ikori scoffed. "No. I know a bad idea when I hear one." The older woman began quickly loading a baking tray with stuffed pastries. 

Emaya rolled her eyes. "Please, Ikori. I'm not going to be dramatic or anything. I just feel like I have to be there." 

Ikori shook her head and thrust the tray, now full, at her. "Better for you to stay. Take these to the ovens. Go." Emaya frowned, but took the tray and did as she was told.

All of her jobs that day were like that. Simple, one-thing-at-a-time tasks. Still, she could feel the tension grow with each minute, and couldn't keep her mind on anything but the fact that in just a few hours, Zuko would be facing a war hardened general in Agni Kai. 

Finally, the last tray had been sent out of the room, headed for the arena and the awaiting crowd, and the kitchen staff switched from cook mode, to clean mode. 

Ikori appeared behind her suddenly, and took the broom she had picked up out of her hands. "You’ve swept that same spot for the last twenty minutes. You can be done for the day, but you are _not_ to set foot near the arena." Emaya set her jaw stubbornly, and Ikori shook a spatula at her. "I mean it, girl. You won't be a help, just in the way. You'll know the outcome soon enough. Do I need to set a guard on you?"

"No ma'am." Emaya said. It sounded petulant, even to her. "Can I go then?" 

Ikori looked like she was sincerely reconsidering letting her go early. But she finally nodded, so Emaya inclined her head in a small bow and said, "Thank you," before heading out of the kitchen. 

She got halfway to her bunk before an idea hit her. She walked past the sleeping quarters, picking up speed until she was practically running down the mostly deserted hall. She made a sudden left, and took the stairs two at a time. She was panting when she finally reached the top, but she pushed through the door and walked out into the rooftop garden. The garden faced the opposite direction that she needed, but she hopped the waist high fence that walled it in. She quickly (and carefully) followed around the round drum of the tower, and climbed the inclined roof that butted against it. 

When she crested the top of the incline, she could hear the crowd, and hoped she wasn't too late. She had to climb down and then to the left, and then up and over another incline. Eventually, she found herself looking down on the training grounds, just above the mass of people that had shown up to see the spectacle. 

She sucked in a breath. She could see Zuko already in place, kneeling with his back to his opponent who approached the stage. The crowd exploded in murmurs and Emaya was shocked to realize it was the Fire Lord himself that approached the dais. She breathed a sigh of relief. _He must be here to call off this nonsense,_ She thought. 

And yet. 

The gong sounded, and Zuko spun, prepared to attack. He looked at his father, confusion on his face before understanding dawned on him. Both she and Zuko realized too late what was happening, and she watched in horror as the Fire Lord strode toward Zuko, damning him.

Zuko begged his father for understanding, but did not receive it. 

"No, no, no, no, no." She didn't even realize she was saying it, and she turned away before Ozai's flaming hand made contact, but she couldn't block out Zuko's scream.


	4. Chapter 4

Emaya fled, and Zuko's screams seemed to chase her. By some miracle, she did not slip and fall while scrambling over the rooftops back to the garden. She raged and sobbed in turn, running back to her bunk. The corridors were full of people, spreading news of what had happened, and trying to make sense of it. She was weirdly gratified by the fact that she wasn't the only one with tears on their face. 

The sleeping quarters were blessedly empty, and Emaya threw herself on her bunk, trying to regain control of her emotions. This wasn't about her, and she could cry later, but the tears still fell. The moment that Zuko had turned around, and realized it was his father he faced, played over and over in her mind. He must have been so scared, and hurt, and confused. She hugged her knees to her chest.

Emaya didn't know how long she sat there, lamenting, but eventually, a group of people entered the room, and prepared for bed, still loudly hashing the day's events. 

"...just a child."

"Child or no, he shouldn't have disrespected the Fire Lord. Deserves what he gets, you ask me."

"Disrespected how?! What on earth could the Prince do to warrant Agni Kai?! And banishment?" 

"If he even survives the night." Another said, and the group shared a look. 

Emaya looked up at that. _Banishment?_ "The Prince has been banished too?" She asked. 

The group glanced over at her, as if surprised by her presence, and one woman spoke, nodding, "The Fire Lord had the decree announced while Prince Zuko was being removed from the field by the healers." The woman visibly shuddered. 

Emaya paled. Banishment was cruel, and salt in the wound. Zuko loved the Fire Nation. 

She stood. Moving to the end of the bed, she threw the trunk open and dug out the small, colorful pouch hidden there. Emaya could feel eyes on her, but didn't care, and she strode from the room.

She didn't know where she was going, exactly, so she followed the chaos. Servants, pages, and guards ran this way and that with purpose. She did her best to look like she was just another servant, running an errand. She caught a flash of the soft white and yellow of a healer's garb among the reds, and followed after it. 

She turned a corner, intent on the healer she was following, and came face to face with another healer going the opposite direction. 

"Excuse me." He said, just as she said, "I'm sorr-- Noro?"

"Emaya?" He looked surprised and then exhausted. "What are you doing here?" There might have been an accusation in that. 

“Noro, I’m so glad I found you!” She said, avoiding the question. "Have you seen the Prince?"

He debated, and then sighed, "yes."

"How is he?" She asked, and when he didn't answer right away, she pleaded, "Please, Noro." 

He sighed again. "He'll live, but it's not pretty. He'll keep the eye, I think, but the next few days will tell." He looked pained.

She hadn't known for sure that it had been his face that the Fire Lord had burned. She swallowed bile. "O-okay. Thanks, Noro." 

Noro watched her carefully. "Emaya, whatever is going on in your head right now… don't." He warned.

"What?" She asked, but her trembling lip gave her away. 

"You _know_ what. I'm not an idiot." He looked down at her disapprovingly. "I have been caring for Prince Zuko since he was born. It killed me to see him like that. You think I want to have to bandage your burns on top of that?" 

She looked away, guilty. "Okay." 

"I know that we don't know each other well, but I still don't want to see you hurt. Not just for your sake or mine, but for Zuko's. He'd never forgive himself. Just, leave it be."

"Fine. Okay. I'll… try."

Noro looked like he was going to object further, but shook his head instead. When she walked away, he shook his head again and murmured, "Good luck."

Emaya did her best to brush off Noro's attempt at playing overprotective big brother. It wasn't like she was trying to avenge Zuko or something equally dramatic. She just wanted to see him, say a proper goodbye, and tell him that… well, she wanted to tell him a lot of things. 

Her musing was cut off when two guards suddenly barred her way. She jumped back in surprise. 

"No one is allowed past this point." The first guard said automatically. Emaya got the feeling he'd said it quite a lot today. 

"Why aren't you using the servant's corridors?" The second one asked. 

The first one seemed to come to attention at that, and looked her up and down. "Yeah, quite a ways from the kitchen, aren't you?" 

All Emaya could think of was Noro telling her how Zuko would blame himself if she got hurt. And here she was, stumbling directly into trouble. Agni, she was stupid. 

"Well?" One of them demanded.

"I, um, I- I…" she wrung her hands and cast about her empty head for ANY excuse, but came up with exactly nothing. She could feel her stupid tears threatening to fall. She was so tired of crying. 

"Out with it, then." The first one said, taking a step towards her. 

A voice called out behind the guards, "There you are, my dear, just in time. Are you gentlemen going to let the poor girl through to do her job, or are you set on bullying her through the night?" 

The guards stilled and stepped back out of Emaya's way quickly. "Apologies, General Iroh." They said in unison. 

The older man stepped forward and clapped one of the guards on the shoulder. "That is alright, tensions are understandably high tonight." He turned to Emaya, who was looking like she may vomit. "This way, my dear, I have a list of things we need from the kitchen, just in here." 

Emaya bowed to the General and then followed, stepping gingerly past the guards and whispering fervent thanks to Agni for the luck. She tried her best to slow her breathing, so she could pretend she knew what she was doing there. 

General Iroh led her into a quiet room, and closed the door behind her. She waited for him to break the silence, bowing her head respectfully. He turned to her and folded his hands over his ample belly. 

"Forgive me, but we don't have the time for unnecessary subterfuge." Emaya looked up at him, afraid, but his smile was kind, if a bit sad. "Would I be correct to assume that you are a friend of my Nephew's?"

Emaya hesitated, nodded, then spoke, "Well, we _were_ friends… for a little while."

The General stroked his beard, thoughtful. "I would argue anyone willing to risk so much is a friend still." Emaya fidgeted, uncomfortable. Iroh continued, "How can I help you, Emaya?" 

Her eyes cut to him suspiciously. She hadn't told him her name. Did _everyone_ in the palace know about her? Did people talk about her and Zuko spending those weeks together? Still? Or had Zuko mentioned her to his uncle? The thought warmed her heart a little.

"Is he really banished?" She asked, feeling like a child. Nevermind that she was, technically, a child still.

"I am afraid so." 

"Where will he go?"

General Iroh shrugged, and then smiled through the lines of worry on his face. "Who knows? Some adventure might even be good for him." 

Emaya scoffed at that, and then remembered who she was speaking to, and schooled her face. "When does he leave?" 

"We leave tonight." He saw her look of disbelief at the word "we" and shrugged. "Some adventure might be good for me too."

“Is he” she took a deep breath “well enough to move?”

He pulled at his beard, as if in thought. “Ordinarily, no, but I believe it is the more prudent option.”

Emaya paled. That did not sound promising, but she was glad that the General had been frank with her. She decided to push her luck a bit further. "I know I am not supposed to, but… can-- can I see him?" 

Iroh sighed heavily and shook his head. "My nephew has been heavily sedated for the pain, and is not completely himself. I can't be sure that he would want you to see him like this." 

She had expected a no, but the reason surprised her. She nodded dejectedly. "I know I have already overstepped, but, could I ask you for a favor?" 

The old man chuckled. "There is never harm in asking, but I must confess, I'm too old to be plotting a stow-away. That is too much adventure even for me, I'm afraid."

It took Emaya a minute to understand what he meant, and she sputtered. "What? No! I couldn't--" She glared at the teasing sparkle in his eye and huffed, her face heating. "Could you--" she pulled out the small, ribbon wrapped pouch, and cleared her throat "could you give this to him? You don't have to tell him who it's from, but he'll probably guess." Even her ears were red. 

He took it from her hands gently. "It would be an honor. My nephew has not had the easiest of childhoods, and you have shown him much kindness. I believe it will be good for him to know that he has such a good friend here when he returns." 

She looked at him strangely. "But, he's banished." 

He began ushering her to the door. "For now, yes, but I believe there is hope in all things, and who knows what the future has in store for us?"

She knew a dismissal when she heard one. She bowed deeply, "Thank you, General Iroh."

"No. Thank you, my dear."

*~*~*~*

Zuko had woken to searing pain and the gentle sway of a ship at sea. He'd fought the tears that threatened, head swimming. He had lost everything. His honor, his birthright, his home, his face. He'd wallowed in hopelessness and self pity for many days.

But no more. 

He stood at the prow of his ship, watching it slice through the water below as it sailed towards the air temple. He knew he would not find the avatar there, but it was as good a place to start as any. He would regain his honor and go home. 

"It is so good to see you up and about, Prince Zuko." His Uncle called as he approached. 

"I've had enough sulking and rest. It's time to embrace my destiny, Uncle." He felt a little silly, saying it outloud.

"Well, I hope you don't mean right this second, Nephew. It is late, and I just put on a pot of tea." He chuckled at his own joke, but Zuko did not so much as smile. Iroh threw him a sideways glance. "You know, right before we left, I happened upon a very interesting young lady. She was very distraught at the news of your banishment. Looking back on it, I think she may have been sweet on you, Prince Zuko." He side eyed Zuko out of the corner of his eye, who was busy rolling his eyes.

"I doubt Mai has any interest in me now, Uncle." He gestured vaguely at his face. "Not that I care." 

Iroh grinned. "I don't know, Nephew. This girl seemed sincere, and I am an excellent judge of character. She asked that I give this to you." He held up the gift, and Zuko glanced at it. Trying very hard to pretend he wasn't curious. "How could I say no to such a kind soul?"

Iroh handed him the small package and clapped him gently on the shoulder before walking back inside to his cabin, giving Zuko some space. 

Zuko surreptitiously inspected the little package. It was just a circle of colorful fabric with the edges pulled up and bunched together and tied with a ribbon to make a neat pouch. It seemed too vibrant and simple to be from Mai, who-- in Zuko's experience-- preferred muted extravagance. 

It couldn't be from anyone else though. Who else would have had the opportunity to approach his uncle? Ty Lee maybe, but she’d never shown any interest before. Zuko knew that Mai fancied him, but he wished she didn't. She was too close to Azula for his liking, he could never be sure of her motives. He honestly considered throwing it directly into the sea, but he shoved it in his pocket unopened instead. 

It wasn't until much later, after he'd had his bandages changed and he started preparing for bed that he remembered. He sat down on his bed and pulled the ribbon without much thought. The cloth fell open, revealing a small wooden toy. Zuko frowned down at it in confusion before he realized what it was. A turtleduckling, carved from a single block of wood. It fit neatly in the palm of his hand. It was rough and imperfect, one wing bigger than the other and maybe a bit cock-eyed, but it made Zuko suck in a breath of disbelief.

_Emaya._ He thought. It had to be, but _how?_ He slipped it into his pocket and unconsciously ran his thumb over it's shell. It had been, what, two years since they last spoke? When had she made this? Why? How had she gotten it to his Uncle without getting in trouble? Or maybe she was being punished for it, even now. He pushed the thought away. His Uncle would not have let that happen. 

He had so many questions, but they would have to wait until he got home. When he returned with the Avatar and his honor restored, he would find a way to ask. He _would_ go home, and nothing would stand in his way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: covid makes memorials the worst. 
> 
> In other news, my lack of access basic mental health care means that my tendancy for escapism is alive and well, and I've got a solid 10 chapters so far. I'll probably post them fairly quickly until I get to where I am at in the story. 
> 
> If you have hung out so far, thank you. I hope you are enjoying this work more than I am. 😅

*~*Three Years Later*~*

Zuko was finally going home, though it didn't feel the way he'd expected it to. Doubt gnawed at him. He found himself at the bow of a ship, contemplating his future. Not unlike the day he'd started this journey, yet somehow completely opposite. He'd won, but only while managing to also lose everything. It wasn't Iroh that walked towards him and tried to cheer him, but Mai. His Uncle would probably never speak to him again, locked away below deck, a traitor to the Fire Nation. He wondered if his Uncle felt like a traitor. Zuko certainly did.

To cap it all off, this wasn't even his ship, it was Azula's.

His hand went to the wooden turtleduckling secreted in his pocket, and his thumb ran over the ridges carved into the shell like a worry stone, a habit he’d developed over the last three years, but he couldn't shake this uneasy feeling. Somehow, he’d managed to hold onto it through everything, and it’s shell had been polished smooth by the repeated motion of his thumb. His mind went to Emaya, as it always did when he reached for the toy, but he didn’t push the thoughts away this time. 

He hadn't ever really let himself think of her, shying away from her memory and the implications of her gift. Now, he let the memories and questions come. He couldn't help but wonder how Emaya would feel about his return-- or about all the terrible things he'd done to come back. 

All the pomp and circumstance of their return was exhausting, and Zuko couldn't help but note his father's absence from the ceremony. Not that he should have expected otherwise, but as he'd looked down on the cheering crowd, he'd felt so angry… at his sister, at his father, at himself.

They'd sat down to dinner, his sister and her friends at the table but his Father still conspicuously absent. He'd looked down at the food in front of him and the thought that Emaya had probably helped make it occurred to him. He pushed it away, stood, and left. 

He went to the gardens and sat next to the pond. He tossed bits of bread at the turtleducks that came to investigate. He wondered if any of them were the chicks from that spring long ago, and if they recognized him. They certainly recognized Azula, and they fled when she approached. 

"You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already?" 

Zuko rolled his eyes. She'd certainly tried. Zuko wasn't sure how much to share with Azula, but said, "I haven't seen Dad yet. I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished."

"So what?"

"So I didn't capture the Avatar."

"Who cares? The Avatar is dead." Something in Zuko's face flickered. "Unless you think he somehow miraculously survived." 

"No. There's no way he could have survived."

"Well, then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." Azula rolled her eyes as she walked away. Zuko had always been a terrible liar. 

*~*~*~*

The news of the Princess's victory at Ba Sing Se and imminent arrival set the palace staff abuzz with gossip. Rumors flew. The Princess had killed the earth king with her bare hands. Or she had fed him to his own bear. Or he escaped, sometimes with and sometimes without the bear. The Avatar was also killed, or the traitor Iroh had saved him, or had tried to save him. The Prince had been found, helping Iroh save the Avatar and was being brought back in chains, or helping Azula slay him and being proclaimed a hero. 

Emaya ignored the details. She found it more informative to focus on the parts that were consistent throughout. Ba Sing Se had fallen. The war was nearly won. The Prince was coming home. 

The day that Princess Azula's ship docked was treated much like a holiday in the capital. Emaya stole away to the courtyard to watch the announcement of Ba Sing Se's fall, hoping to learn more of what actually happened. Her throat caught when Zuko approached the edge of the balcony and peered down at the crowd. The scar on his face was jarring, but not near as jarring as the scowl she saw there. 

She'd stayed only until he turned and left, searching his face for any sign of the boy she knew, and then she'd made her way back to the kitchens, distractedly. She'd heard rumors, over the course of the Prince's banishment. That he'd died, or burned down entire villages, or even that he'd murdered the moon spirit. She'd tried to dismiss every single one. It didn't do any good to worry about things that might be. Besides, he was obviously not dead, and the Zuko she knew was not cruel. 

And yet. 

She had not talked to Zuko in nearly five years. He had lost his cousin, his grandfather, and his mother. He'd been burned by his father, and he'd lost his home and countless other things. The image of his scowl flashed in her mind. Maybe the Zuko she'd known had died a long time ago. They'd only spent that short time together, maybe she hadn't really known him at all. 

She looked up just in time to see Ikori standing outside the kitchens, shaking a spoon at two guards and giving them one heck of a lecture. Emaya fought back a smile, wondering what they had done, and did not envy them, though she would definitely be caught shirking her duties now.

All at once, the three of them looked up and took notice of her. Ikori looked angry, but also sad. One of the guards asked Ikori something, and she nodded, her lips pressed thin. The guards moved towards Emaya, and she stopped short, but Ikori halted them with a hand and a glare. She approached Emaya instead, almost carefully. 

Emaya's eyes darted between them, nervous. Something in Ikori's eyes told her that she was in trouble. "What's going on? Ikori?" She wondered if this was about her sneaking off for the ceremony, but she'd assumed she'd just be scrubbing stone stairs if she got caught.

Ikori put a hand on her arm. "The Fire Lord has instructed these…" she gestured angrily behind her to the guards, "men to collect you."

Her mouth went dry. "Me? Why?" 

Ikori looked away. "For the Prince's return."

Emaya shook her head. "But I'm not allowed to see the Prince."

"It seems Fire Lord Ozai has changed his mind about that."

Emaya studied her face, even as her heart soared at the notion of seeing the prince again, but she could see Ikori was not pleased, and her eyes flicked again to the two guards nearby. "I would be happy to see the Prince again." She said carefully, still eyeing the guards. "I'm not sure why they're necessary?" 

"They're here as an escort, and to make sure that you cooperate." 

Emaya scoffed, but could feel that something wasn't right about this. "That doesn't make sense, why wouldn't I--" 

Ikori sighed and took her hands. "There's no kind way to put it, so I'll just say it and be done. I believe that the Fire Lord intends you to" she made a face, " _entertain_ Prince Zuko."

Emaya caught her meaning, and shook her head. "I don't-- The Prince wouldn't-- But, I'm not--" As if sensing her sudden anxiety, the guards began moving closer.

Ikori squeezed her arm hard, as the guards came up behind her. "I'm sorry. There isn't anything I can do, the order came from the Fire Lord himself." She said, voice low and shaking, and then she took Emaya's face in her hands and pointedly caught her eye. Emaya was shocked to see the tears, and tried to fight her sudden panic. "It's not fair, but _don't fight it_." Emaya vaguely wondered if she meant being taken by the guards, or being taken by the Prince. "Remember, we are more than what happens to us."

Emaya was still shaking her head, confused and afraid. The guards grabbed her elbows, and began leading her away. "Ikori?" She nearly pleaded. 

Ikori only looked away. 

*~*~*~*

Zuko bowed before his father, a mix of hope and shame and fear welling in him. He had to walk a near impossible line here. The wrong word would send him back into banishment, or worse. Many minutes passed before the Fire Lord spoke. 

"You've been away for a long time. I see the weight of your travels has changed you. You have redeemed yourself, my son." He walked forward, out of the fire. "Welcome home." 

Relief swept through him, and he straightened. "Thank you, Father." 

Ozai continued, "I am proud of you, Prince Zuko. I am proud because you and your sister conquered Ba Sing Se. I am proud because when your loyalty was tested by your treacherous uncle, you did the right thing and captured the traitor." Zuko's relief quickly morphed into guilt. "And I am proudest of all for your most legendary accomplishment: you slayed  
the Avatar."

Zuko tried not to let his surprise show. "What did you hear?"

"Azula told me everything. She said she was amazed and impressed at your power and ferocity at the moment of truth." Zuko's eyes narrowed suspiciously at that, but the Fire Lord went on. "Which is why I have brought a gift for you." 

Before Zuko could react, Ozai made a sharp movement with his hand, and two guards walked a young woman into view. She was dressed in immodest red silk and jewels, her head was bowed low. It took Zuko's brain a good sixty seconds to understand, and his face flushed. 

Ozai didn't notice, he was regarding the girl. "You seemed fond of her, before."

Zuko swallowed and bowed to his father, hardly hearing him. Of all the times he had pictured this moment with his father, he had never imagined this would be how he was welcomed home. Though maybe he should have? He was 16 now, after all. He couldn't sound ungrateful, or weak, however, so he just turned to the guards, "Take her to my room." He commanded, his voice coming out far less shaky than he felt. He was both relieved and sickened by the knowing grin on his father's face. 

Ozai turned serious. "Take every precaution, I won't have the palace littered with bastards."

Zuko wondered if his face could burst into flame from mortification. "O-of course, Father." He managed. Zuko had no intention of doing anything that would result in bastards. Not right away, anyway, and especially not with a whore of his father's choosing, but he'd deal with that later, his father was _proud_ of him. His chest swelled with relief once again. 

Ozai began walking away and gestured for Zuko to follow him. "Tell me of your travels."

*~*~*~*

Emaya was ushered through palace halls and then unceremoniously shoved through the ornate door to Zuko's rooms. Taking several shuddering breaths, she tried to calm the rising panic. Throughout it all, she'd clung desperately to the hope that this had all been a misunderstanding, but that hope was virtually gone now.

After leading her away from the kitchen and Ikori, the guards had taken her to a small wing of the palace she'd never been to before. She'd been thrust into a room with a large bath, and three girls to attend her. They'd made the guards wait outside, and then "prepared" her for a night with the Prince. She cringed at the memory.

Two of the girl's had refused to talk to her, only doing as the third instructed, like washing and brushing out Emaya's hair, dressing her in revealing red robes, and choosing some jewelry to drape about her person. The third supervised, shouted orders, and rarely stopped talking.

"Do you know how to please a man?" 

It took Emaya more than a few seconds to realize she was talking to her. She blushed and spluttered in response. 

"I thought not." The girl had rolled her eyes. "It doesn't really matter, the Prince is young yet, probably won't take much. Still, I very strongly recommended that the Fire Lord reconsider and choose one of my girls for this, but he was adamant that the Prince wanted you." 

Emaya had felt cold at that, despite the hot water of the bath. _Prince Zuko asked for me? For this?_ She hadn't wanted to believe that.

The girl had peered at Emaya then, calculating, and then she'd shrugged. "You're pretty enough, sure, timid though. You got any questions?"

Emaya had looked away. "No."

The girl, who could've only been a few years older than her, gave her a doubtful look. "Well, whatever you do, don't put up a fight. If you displease him, it won't just be you that gets punishment, even if I did warn the Fire Lord that you were a bad idea." 

"I understand." She'd said softly.

The girl looked at her with something like pity. "Look, the best thing to do is just let him do what he wants and then it's over. You can let it define you or you can leave it behind. We are more than the things that happen to us."

That's what Ikori had said too, as if she could armor her heart with the words. She wondered a bit at that. Ikori was a handsome woman, perhaps she'd had a different career before she came to work in the kitchens. 

It was hard to convince herself that Zuko had nothing to do with this if he'd specifically requested her… When he'd hardly batted an eye and ordered her taken to his room. Still, she tried. She looked warily at the large bed across the room, as if it might bite her, and dreaded the moment the door would open. 

Eventually, curiosity outweighed caution, and she wandered over to the desk. She pulled open a drawer, and then another. Nothing of note was in either. She wasn't sure what she was looking for, or why, but a little invasion of privacy seemed reasonable to her, all things considered. It didn't take long for her to survey and search the room, and she was disappointed. He had been gone three years, she supposed. 

What was she even thinking about? She shook her head to clear the thoughts. Walking across the room, she came to a set of doors that opened out to a balcony. It looked over the Royal Gardens, where the two of them had played together. She let herself get lost in the memories. 

The door to the hallway suddenly swung open, and Emaya whirled, her panic clawing at her all at once. 

Zuko swept into the room, looked almost startled to see her there, and then he scowled. "I'd forgotten about you," he said, and then he flopped face first onto his bed with a heavy sigh.


	6. Chapter 6

Zuko left his sister's room and stormed down the hall to his own. After speaking with his father, he'd had to talk to her. Azula did not share glory, unless she benefited from it. He'd known Azula was incapable of kindness, but he'd had to confront her anyway, to find out her endgame. 

Once again, her calculating would pay off in the end. Zuko had no doubt the avatar was still very much alive and that he was very much screwed.

He stomped into his room and came up short, realizing there was someone standing on the balcony. When he remembered the reason that someone was in his room, he wished he hadn't, and groaned inwardly. "I'd forgotten about you," he said before flopping down onto his bed. What was he supposed to do about _that_? He lay there, half hoping she was really an assassin his father had hired to kill him. 

When, after a few minutes, she didn't land the killing blow, he sat up and glanced towards her. She stood half in shadow on the dark balcony, wringing her hands. 

"You don't have to hide out there." He offered. "I don't really, uh, need your services." It was almost a question. He didn't want her to go running to his father, but as soon as it was out, he could tell it had been the wrong thing to say. 

She sputtered indignantly. "My _services_?!" She didn't come into the room, but her hands fisted at her side. 

_Shit_. He hadn't meant to offend her. He stood up and ran a hand through his hair before walking towards her, intent on explaining the situation and himself. 

"It's not that I'm not…" he could feel himself turning red, "intrigued by the prospect? I'm sure you're… great. There's just, you know, a lot on my plate right now, and uh, maybe we should, put a pin in it for now?"

As he advanced, she stepped back until the balcony railing pressed into the small of her back. She tried to focus on what he was saying, and remind herself that fighting back was a terrible idea, but it didn't seem like her body could get on board with that. 

Zuko stopped before stepping out onto the balcony. She seemed scared or... disgusted, his mind supplied. He fought the urge to hide his face. "Look, I think that we're both probably not very satisfied with the situation here, can we just, try to make the best of it?" 

She saw red. "Excuse me?! I'm sorry that _raping_ me is such a hardship for you. But thanks for the idea, I'll just _try to make the best of it._ "

His eyes grew wide. "What?! I would never r-- I just meant…" What did she mean, rape? Wasn't that her entire job? A disgusting thought occurred to him, but his father wouldn't… 

"You would never?” She demanded. “Then why did you tell them to bring me to your bedroom, Prince Zuko?" 

Something in the way she said his name made him stop. "I-- I didn't want my father to think I was ungrateful." Shame flooded him even as he said it. 

"Don't." She warned. "I don't know what kind of weird manipulation you are attempting, but don't you dare try to tell me you didn't have a hand in this. They told me that you wanted me, specifically." But suddenly, she remembered, _“I have a gift for you,”_ Ozai had said. She wondered if Zuko was telling the truth. She shook her head. It didn't make sense. 

"What are you _talking_ about?" Zuko demanded, advancing on her. "I've been banished for _three years_. I've just gotten back _earlier today_. You think I've had time to pick a favorite whore?"

She stepped forward and smacked him. 

He looked down at her, and she looked just as shocked by her action as he was. He recognized her then. 

"Emaya?" He asked, in barely a whisper, reaching out to touch her face.

She turned away. "Don't." She said again.

He stood there, feeling dumbstruck. It all made so much sense now. In his father's twisted mind, Emaya was the perfect peace offering, something he'd been refused before, given freely now. And this whole time, she's been thinking Zuko had organized her being here, that he planned on forcing himself on her, which may even have been intentional on his father's part. It made him feel sick.

Zuko shook his head and stepped back, still in denial. “This is so messed up,” he muttered under his breath. He took a deep breath. "I don’t know who said what to you, but I wasn’t expecting this. I didn't recognize you, but I-- I wouldn't have taken advantage even if it had been someone else." She didn't say anything, and he knew there was likely nothing he could say to make her see him the way she had before, so he just continued. "Anyway, It's late. I'm exhausted, if you're tired, the bed is big enough, I-- I won't touch you. I swear."

He turned and went back into the bedroom. 

Emaya watched him in her peripheral vision. She wanted so badly to believe that he hadn't known, that he hadn't recognized her, that he was still the smiling boy from her memory, but something held her from doing so. Something still didn't quite add up.

She stepped towards the door, unwilling to let him out of her line of sight. She watched him walk around the edge of the bed and pull back the blankets. He paused, picked up a pillow, and said, "I can sleep on the floor." He wasn't looking at her, he was looking at the bed like it had insulted his mother. "Honestly, I'm used to it. I've had to sleep on the ground a lot while I was… gone." He glanced at her, and she looked away, avoiding eye contact. He sighed. "Em, will you talk to me, please?" 

She shrugged. "If that's what pleases you, Prince Zuko." It came out colder than she’d intended . 

He gritted his jaw and huffed, throwing the pillow to the floor and then a blanket before sinking out of sight on the other side of the bed. 

Emaya kicked herself and debated. How petty would it be to also sleep on the floor, but on this side of the bed? She almost snickered at the thought, but she knew she was already pushing her luck about as far as it would go. Sure, if Zuko had wanted, he could have overpowered her, and he'd seemed genuinely surprised that it was her… but he _was_ changed, and suspicion still ate at her. The notion that the Fire Lord remembered the name of a misplaced kitchen girl he'd banned his son from playing with that _one time_ five years ago didn't sit right with her. The Fire Lord hadn't even spared her a second glance. 

Maybe Zuko didn't mean to force her, but charm her into bed? She bit her lip. He could have done that without the theatrics of having her dragged to his bedroom, she would have gone willingly enough. She started towards the bed and paused before crawling beneath the covers. Only time would tell, and there was no use in letting a night on a feather mattress go to waste. 

Zuko felt more than heard her walk across the room and get into the bed. He slowly let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. He doused the lanterns with barely a thought, making the room dark all at once. 

Over the next few moments, the air in the room seemed to grow unbearably thick. 

The growing tension pushed Zuko to speak. He struggled against the urge, he'd only managed to make things worse so far, but he’d been wanting a chance to speak to her again for five years, and the dark gave him courage. Eventually, he couldn't hold it in any more. "I-I'm sorry." He flung the words into the darkness. "I should have said something to my dad when he gave you to me." She tsked, offended by the notion, but he continued, "I know. It's messed up, and I'm sorry." He paused, but she didn't say anything. "You know, I'd imagined today a hundred thousand times, and never did I imagine THAT being his response to my return… so I was caught off guard, but more than that," He swallowed. "I was afraid. 

"I was afraid he would reject me or call me a traitor or sentence me to death. Honestly, I half suspected you were really an assassin he'd hired to have me killed, until I realized who you were. He can be so cruel." His hand reflexively went to his face. "Even if I had said something, you might have been punished for my displeasure."

It was Emaya's turn to swallow against the lump in her throat. She knew she should say something, but nothing felt… right. She couldn't say, "I forgive you," because she wasn't sure that she did. She couldn't say, "wow, you're right, your dad's the worst," even if she believed it to be true. What was she supposed to say?

"Also," he said quickly, before his courage faded, "uh, thank you. For the gift you made. Uncle gave it to me when I was well enough. I, uh, still have it." His face burned in the dark at the admission, and he honestly wondered if he should just stop talking for the rest of his life.

Emaya cleared her throat and murmured a small, "You're welcome."

A long silence stretched between them, and Zuko was torn between saying something else and going to sleep. He had nearly settled on sleep when Emaya spoke. 

"A-Are you really going to sleep on the floor?" 

"Yes?" He stretched the word too long and it came out like a question. He sat up to look at her. She lay on her side, facing away from him.

She could feel his stare. "But this is _your_ bed." 

"I don't mind." He said again. 

She should just let it be, but she couldn’t. "There's probably a law somewhere that says a Fire Nation Prince must never sleep on the floor or something." She said, only half joking. Agni only knows what trouble she would get in if someone saw their current sleeping arrangement. 

Zuko stared hard at her back. Did she _want_ him in the bed? Ten minutes ago she hadn't even wanted to be in the same room. "I don't think that's a real law." 

She sighed, never turning to look at him. "Get in the bed, Your Highness."

He didn't move. He felt like he had to be reading this wrong. "Are you sure?" 

" _Just_ sleeping." She said, to be clear. 

"Of course." He said, a note of offense playing in his voice. He picked up the pillow and blanket off the floor and put them on the bed carefully. He watched Emaya for any sort of reaction, still not convinced that this wasn't some test that he was failing spectacularly. Moonlight silvered her hair, and his eyes followed the curve of her-- _nope._ He looked at the ceiling instead and chided himself. Gingerly, he climbed into the bed, careful not to encroach on her space. It wasn't that hard, the bed was spacious. 

"Is this okay?" He asked, to be sure.

"It's fine, Prince Zuko." She answered.

"Just Zuko is fine." He corrected.

"Probably not." She countered, but he could hear a tentative smile.

Once he was sure she had fallen asleep, as exhausted as he was, he slipped out of the bed and out of the room. He needed to pay his Uncle a visit. 

He probably should have been more careful, but the conflict inside him was eating him alive, so when the guard noticed him, he hissed a threat and went on his way. 

"Uncle, It's me." He called. It hurt to see his Uncle Iroh like this, but it hurt even more when Iroh turned to face the wall. The pain turned to anger, and he lashed out.

"You brought this on yourself, you know. We could have returned together. You could have been a hero!" Iroh barely moved. "You have no right to judge me, Uncle. I did what I had to do in Ba Sing Se, and you're a fool for not joining me." Zuko snarled, even if he wasn't sure if that was true. "You're not going to say anything?" He kicked at a small stool and incinerated it against the wall in frustration. He didn't know what he expected, to be honest. "You're a crazy old man! You're crazy! And if you weren't in jail, you'd be sleeping in a gutter!" He could hear the cruelty in his own voice, but couldn't seem to stop the words. He sounded like his father. Shame bubbled up in him and he swept from the room, slamming the door behind him. 

He made his way back to his room and quietly slipped through the door. Emaya was sitting up in the bed. _Shit._

"Where were you?" She asked.

He thought about lying, but he was tired and terrible at it. "I went to see my Uncle." He muttered before sitting heavily onto the bed.

Her eyes widened. "Your _traitor_ uncle?" Even as she said it, it didn't fit with the only memory she had of the man.

"He's not--" Zuko shook his head. "It's complicated."

She didn't prompt him to explain. She could tell he was upset, but she didn't want to pry.

"I just wanted to come home, wanted to restore my honor." He said after a few minutes. "I… I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of in the name of that-- A lot of dishonorable things." His eyes cut to her, but her face was just contemplative.

"But my Uncle was always there when I needed him. He always believed the best of me, even when I was at my worst. He treated me like a son and I-- I betrayed him because I just wanted to come home." He grimaced. "And now here I am, honor restored, my father speaks to me, Azula is tolerating me, I'm even allowed to talk to you again. I should be content, but I'm… not."

"Can I ask a question? Or do you need me to just listen?" Zuko just shrugged half-heartedly, so Emaya went ahead and asked, "How did you betray him, exactly?"

Zuko was quiet for a long time. When he spoke, it was low, and he paused often, searching for the right words to explain. "My uncle believes in balance. That the four elements are connected, and need to exist in harmony. That a disturbance in one ripples throughout the other three. The Avatar maintains and protects that balance. By destroying the Avatar, we put the balance in jeopardy.

"I'm inclined to believe him, but he would have had me accept my new life and work in a tea shop the rest of my days. As Fire Lord Zuko, I would have the power to make things better, to end the war. As Refugee Lee, I would only have the power to brew tea."

Emaya listened patiently, and wondered what to say, Zuko watched her, waiting for condemnation. 

When she finally spoke, she weighed each word carefully. "I can't tell you whether you made the right choice, but… even if you made the wrong one, good can still come of it. With the Avatar gone, the war is basically won. No more fighting, no more conscriptions, no more lists read of names of the dead. If the Avatar was still fighting, who knows how long it would have dragged on."

Zuko nodded, feeling a little relieved that she didn't seem to hate him, even if he still kind of hated himself, and thanked her for listening. He pulled back the covers and lay down, yawning. Emaya also laid down on her side of the bed. He was almost asleep when he remembered one problem. _The Avatar was still alive._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my sister is about to have a baby next week, idk what that is going to do to my quick updates, but I am 100% pumped for baby snuggles. I have 2 more chapters ready to go, and at least 2 after that written but in need of some edits. 
> 
> Thank you for hanging out with me so far as this mess unfolds. It's sort of growing on me though. Idk.

Zuko woke all at once the next morning, feeling the sun crest the horizon. He looked over at Emaya, who was still sleeping at the other edge of the bed. She had turned to face him at some point in the night, hugging her pillow and hair tousled. Her bottom lip stuck out a fraction, and her brows were the slightest bit furrowed, like she was pouting. 

He realized he was staring at her with a big stupid grin, and looked away, schooling his face. The last thing he needed was her waking up and seeing him staring at her like a creep. He carefully got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day. 

When he came back into the bedroom, she was still asleep, and he envied her. The prospect of an entire day of courtiers "welcoming" him back was not high on his list of things that were fun. He scribbled a note on the desk and left the room, pausing for just a second to speak to the guards posted outside his room. 

Emaya drug herself towards consciousness, disoriented. Where am I? The thought surfaced a millisecond before the memories of yesterday did. She sat up slowly and looked around the room for any sign of the Prince. When he didn't appear, she sighed in relief and leaned back onto the pillows. 

She was so torn over this whole situation. She'd envisioned this exact scenario, after all. Well, okay, not _exact_ … funnily enough, Fire Lord Ozai had never once factored into her daydreams, but she should be over the moon, right?

She was pretty sure now that he'd been honest when Zuko had said he didn't know, and he'd respected every boundary she'd set last night. He hadn't even been mad that she'd _smacked_ him. She cringed at the thought. Sure, he'd kind of earned it, but if he had gotten angry… She didn't want to think about it.

What about what might happen to her after whatever this was? She didn't want to think about that either.

Throwing back the covers, Emaya finally got out of bed and made her way into the bathroom. Her reflection in the long mirror caught her off guard. She'd slept in the finery they'd dressed her in (for lack of another option) and it was a mess. She tried her best to smooth the wrinkles out. What she wouldn't give to have her own clothes back. She paused. There wasn't any reason she _couldn't_ wear her own clothes, was there? She probably wouldn't want to wear the rusty brown kitchen robe and white apron combo, but she had a couple outfits she wore on her free days.

Then again, the thought of going anywhere near the kitchen or her bunk wearing this was mortifying. Not that everyone she knew didn't probably already know that she'd been "given" to the Prince. Nevermind that they were probably speculating about last night _right now_. It made her face flame and her blood boil. Well, if they were going to talk anyway, she might as well do what she wanted. 

She finished in the bathroom, pausing to remove all the ostentatious jewelry, wash her face, and reconfigure her hair into it's usual braid. Better. She felt more like herself, anyway. Coming to the door, she hesitated, but steeled her resolve with the knowledge that she couldn't wear this same thing forever, and she'd feel better wearing her own things. 

She pulled open the door and came up short when she found a guard standing directly in the doorway, facing outward. It threw her off. He turned towards her but she couldn't read his face through the mask. 

"Oh, um." She scrambled. "I just need to--" She tried to slip around him, but he barred her way.

"Sorry, Miss. Prince Zuko ordered that you're to stay put."

"What?"

"Breakfast should be arriving shortly, if that's where you were headed."

"O-oh. Okay. Thank you." She said and then quickly shut the door.

What. The. Fuck. 

He had claimed he didn't agree with his father "gifting" her, but then he turned around and treated her like he owned her anyway. She paced the length of the room and seethed. She caught sight of his note on the desk, _I'll try to be back by dinner_. It only fueled her rage. 

_Oh, so I'm just supposed to sit here and look pretty for the next ten hours. Perfect. He_ does _realize I am a person, and not a freaking sloth-cat, right?_

A knock on the door interrupted her mental rant, and a girl she recognized but didn't know pushed a cart into the room laden with food and tea. Emaya avoided eye contact, and the girl left without a word.

Emaya sighed and went to the cart begrudgingly sampling the fruits before taking a sip of tea. She wrinkled her nose, and squeezed a lemon into it to try to hide the bitter flavor of the contraceptive herbs that had been added. It didn't help the flavor much, so she left it. If Zuko was true, she wouldn't need it anyway.

She'd barely tucked into the flakey pastry, stuffed with eggs and peppers and cheese before another knock came at the door and another cart rolled into the room. This one with shimmering silks in place of food and pushed by another girl Emaya recognized. It was the girl that had been in charge of her transformation from kitchen girl to mistress. 

"Good Morning!" The girl sang. "Oh, you're still having breakfast. No worries, I can wait." She stole a grape from the tray and then sat down on the bed before plopping it into her mouth. 

Emaya sat disbelieving, her appetite gone for the moment. "Why are you here?" It came out more insolent than she'd intended.

"Oh! Duh! I'm here to take your measurements, and give you some more options. Generally, we'd have all this sorted, but you were so last minute we had to do a bit of a scramble. I'm Tala, by the way."

Emaya looked at the ground. "Nice to finally meet you, I guess." 

Tala went on as if she hadn't even spoken. "I have a few things here, but once we get a better idea of your shape and what the Prince prefers, you'll have a whole wardrobe. Not to keep, of course, but until the Prince gets bored." She shrugged. 

Tala's casual manner did not sit well with Emaya. She didn't like the implication that the Prince would tire of her like an old toy, it made her angry, but maybe that's how this usually went. 

Tala watched her. "You aren't eating. Want to start with this?" She didn't wait for an answer, she hopped up and went to the cart, sifting through material. "I think this yellow one will be lovely with your coloring. Take that one off." Emaya hesitated and Tala scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "No need to be shy, I have seen it all before."

Emaya huffed at that but started to remove the clothing. She stretched to reach where a sash had been tied at her back and Tala tsked before walking over to help. 

"How'd you get this tied back up so well?" Exactly three seconds of silence passed before Tala started, asking, "Oh, Agni. You never took it off, did you?" She sounded like she didn't quite believe it. Emaya only shrugged. "Wait, so, the Prince didn't… huh." She shrugged again, went back to removing Emaya's robes and muttered, "Maybe the Fire Lord should have grabbed him a kitchen boy instead." She laughed at Emaya's look of shock that she would be so flippant. "Girl, don't begrudge me this. Gossip is the _only_ perk to this job." She went and grabbed a measuring tape and started taking measurements. "Soooo, what was it? He couldn't perform? Got too excited at just the idea?" She laughed.

Emaya blushed, and felt strangely guilty. "I- I think he was just tired." Agni, _why_ was she defending his sexual prowess right now. She was _mad_ at him. She should have said he just made her read erotic poetry while he cried or something. 

Tala was nodding. "That does make sense. I guess the poor guy did just get off the boat yesterday." 

"I don't think he was expecting me either, if I'm honest." She said it carefully, hoping Tala might divulge more about how the Fire Lord came to pick Emaya for the job. 

"It was a bit of a strange order, I'll give you that. I've never been summoned before him before-- that was a trip, let me tell you-- but the Fire Lord was adamant. No one else. I thought maybe he'd meant it as a slight. You know how important people are always trying to come up with creative ways to insult or hurt each other?" she rolled her eyes, "but then I saw you, and you definitely didn't look like a slight." She picked the yellow one off the cart and helped Emaya into it. 

Emaya cringed. It was pretty, a bright yellow at the waist that gently faded into cream at her shoulders and feet, and trimmed in gold, but, "Don't you have anything less… revealing?" The neckline scooped down dangerously low and the skirt split dangerously high on both sides. 

Tala laughed as she cinched the back. "This _is_ less revealing. You don't even want to see what some of the statesmen request." She turned Emaya to face her. "There. Gorgeous. This one fits you pretty well. I have a few others to leave with you, but I will be back with more in a few days." 

"Okay. Thank you." 

"Just my job." She paused. "You think he'll have you tonight then?" 

Emaya grit her teeth and shrugged. She was pretty sure at this point Zuko wouldn't hurt her, but he hadn't exactly been consistent enough to rule it out, either. 

"Anything I can tell you to make it easier?" Tala asked her, not unkindly.

She shook her head. Yesterday she had been prepared to hate Tala, but now she felt like she understood her a little better. She even almost liked her. 

"Are you sure?" She asked, the teasing tone back almost immediately. "You don't want any tips and tricks? You know where everything goes?"

Emaya turned red and hissed, "I know how it works!" But she was grinning.

"Wanna practice your Fake-it Face?" Tala asked right before her face slipped into a mask of pleasure and she gasped. "Oh, oh, ohhh!" 

"No! Shhhh! Stop!" She said frantically through red-faced giggles. "I'm good on that, thanks."

Tala was laughing then too. "Suit yourself, girl. I'm the master." 

*~*~*~*~*

It was much later than dinner when Zuko finally walked into his bedroom, sighing in exhaustion. He caught sight of Emaya standing in the doorway to the balcony and swallowed, taking in the sight of her. He didn't know who had suggested she wear that, but he silently thanked and cursed them. "You look…" his eyes finally reached her face, "angry. What happened? Are you okay?"

"Oh, Prince Zuko, whatever would I have to be angry about?" She asked, obviously really fucking angry. "I mean really, who _doesn't_ want to have to dress like a concubine and be treated like your prisoner? It's an honor, really."

Zuko inhaled and tried to not sound angry, even if she was being entirely unreasonable. "You're not my prisoner." 

"You're right, that was unfair of me. _Prisoners get to go outside._ "

Zuko grit his teeth. "Is it that bad, staying here?"

"Is it that hard, treating me like a person and not a pet goldfish?!" She countered. 

Zuko threw up his hands and stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He crossed his arms and leaned against the sink, fuming. Why did she always assume the worst of him? Okay, well, maybe, given the circumstances, he could understand, but it would be nice if she would give him the benefit of the doubt for once. He rubbed his face with his hands. Everything was so fucked up and he didn't know how to fix any of it. He wished he'd have been able to approach her on his own terms, but would he have?

It didn't matter, he had to try to salvage the situation at hand, and that would have to start with some good old fashioned communication. Which he was terrible at. He took another deep breath and opened the door, heading back into the fray. She was glaring at him. He tried not to glare back.

"I'm not punishing you. I should have said something to you, but you were still asleep, and I didn't want to scare you. I asked the guards to keep you here because you are safer that way."

"You're keeping me under house arrest for my protection?!" She asked in disbelief. 

"Yes." 

"Protection from what, exactly?"

"I'm just trying to be prudent." He sighed again and sank onto the bed. "A lot of people were expecting that I would never come back from my banishment, and they spent the last three years laying the groundwork for a seat at the table when Azula inherited the crown. Now I am back, and some of them may be looking for a way to cripple me in my father's eyes. I heard enough thinly veiled threats yesterday that I didn't want to risk it."

"That seems like a stretch. I'm nobody to those people." 

"I don't know who knows that we have, uh, history and who doesn't. But it's not just them, I--" He ran a hand through his hair. "I have to walk a really fine line right now, in everything. My every move is watched and analyzed and it's exhausting. When it comes to you, I can't have it look like I don't want you, because that would disrespect my father, and he would take you away. Not just, "go back to the kitchens now," either." He looked at her hard to make sure she took his meaning, and she did. 

"On the other side, if I am too close to you, Azula might see you as a threat, or leverage." Emaya did not need him to elaborate on why that would be bad, and she made to speak, but he went on. "I have to pretend that-- that you're just…"

"A toy." She finished for him. 

"Yes." He came closer to her, carefully. "I don't really think that about you, but even if they believe that I do, I don't want you out and about. If you are here, you are out of sight, out of mind. If you run into Azula though.. well, she's always loved breaking my toys."

"I can't hide in this room forever." She said, almost pleading with him. 

He looked away and ground his teeth together. "Fine. But you have to let me know ahead of time where, and take an escort at all times."

She pursed her lips, but conceded. "Fine."

He looked up, surprised. "Wait, really?"

She laughed. He'd been ready to fight about it. "I'm not trying to be difficult or contrary, I'm just asking for some basic courtesy. I'm also not stupid, and I don't mind taking a guard with me."

Zuko looked at her like he was looking for a trap, but looking at her in that dress was not leading to coherent or gentlemanly thoughts, so he just looked away, cleared his throat and said, "Good. Thank you." 

He busied himself with getting ready for bed, and she tried to drum up some courage. "Prince Zuko?"

"Just Zuko."

She made a point of ignoring that. "Um, they didn't give me anything to wear to bed." She could feel her face heating and she hated it. "I don't want to wear this, It's not very, uh, comfortable? Do you have anything I could wear that's not…" she gestured vaguely at herself. 

Agni help him, he'd thought she was going to suggest… he shook the thought away. "Sure, I think so. Just a second." He grabbed her a set of silk pajamas, similar to the ones he had put on just before. She beamed up at him in relief before slipping into the bathroom to change.

He got into bed, mentally berating himself. He had to stop thinking about her like that. She barely trusted him, and even if she did by some miracle want friendship or even more than that, this whole situation made it wrong and would warp it into something neither of them wanted… but Agni help him, he wanted her.

Still, even with those words of warning ringing in his head, when she emerged from the bathroom his heart stuttered in his chest. The dress had been tantalizing, but something about her wearing his clothes made his lungs feel too big for his chest. 

"What?" She asked, feeling self-conscious.

He realized he'd been staring and looked away. "Nothing. It's weird."

She looked down at herself. "I-if it makes you uncomfortable--"

"No, no, I like it-- I mean, it's good." He scrambled, ears turning red. 

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"It doesn't bother me, wear them all the time, if you want." He sort of wished the bed would swallow him whole. 

Emaya studied him for a minute before getting into the bed herself. She startled when the lights went out before she remembered Zuko could do that. She laughed softly at herself. 

"What's so funny?" Zuko asked.

"Nothing." She said dismissively before changing the subject. "Are you going to try and sneak out again tonight?" 

He could hear the teasing tone in her voice. "I wasn't planning on it, why?" 

He felt her shrug. "Just curious." 

"Can I ask you something?" 

She hesitated. "Sure." 

"How did you get that carving you made to my uncle?" 

Oh, uh… I sort of lucked into him, I guess." When he didn't say anything, she assumed he was waiting for an explanation. "I didn't really have a plan, I just went looking for you."

He sat up and turned to her. "What? But if my father found out--"

"I didn't care." She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to decide just how much to tell him. "I was there… for the Agni Kai." Her words tasted of bitterness.

He watched her silhouette in the dark, and the anger he heard in her voice on his behalf was a balm he hadn't expected. "I didn't know that."

"I wasn't supposed to be. Ikori forbid that I step foot near it. So I crawled across the rooftops."

 _Of course she did_. He thought.

"When the Fire Lord came out, I was so relieved. I thought he meant to put a stop to it. When I realized what he really meant to do, I… I couldn't watch. But I heard it." She shuddered.

"It was awful. I mean, I'm sure it was even worse for you, but I felt so angry and sad and worried. And _helpless_. I felt like I had to do something, but what could I do?" Her voice was thick and she swallowed against the tears that threatened. "Then I found out that you had been banished, on top of everything else, and I don't know, I just… went looking."

Zuko thought maybe she was crying, and he regretted asking. "That was really brave of you." He itched to reach out and comfort her and tell her how much of a difference it had made.

"Stupid, you mean." 

He chuckled. "Well, that too." He chanced it and reached for her hand. She didn't pull away. "Either way, thank you. It-- it meant a lot to me, to know someone cared that I was gone. No one has ever made something for me before."

He gave her hand a small squeeze before he pulled away giving her space. He laid back down and she followed suit. "Goodnight." He said, trying to break the tension still permeating the darkness. 

"Goodnight, Prince Zuko." She murmured, her hand searching for his.


	8. Chapter 8

Emaya blinked awake the next morning, earlier than she had the day before. She looked over, but the bed was empty once again, and instead of the relief she expected, disappointment crashed over her. Sighing, she sat up. She needed to get herself under control. 

Flinging the blankets off herself, she stood and stretched. Remembering her new (limited) freedom, she rushed to the bathroom to get dressed. Flinging open the door, she came face to face with Zuko's chest. Zuko's very naked, very defined, very damp from the shower chest. 

She jumped back, and they blinked at each other in surprise, both of them turning red. She spun around as soon as she remembered herself, and he closed the door sharply. 

Emaya buried her face in her hands, half mortified and half intrigued. Agni, she was never going to be able to wipe that from her memory. When did he get so… she shook her head. 

When he emerged from the bathroom, dressed, many minutes later, she avoided looking at him. "I'm sorry, I thought you had already left." 

He studied the wall. "No, it was my fault. I should have locked the door."

She escaped into the bathroom with the least revealing outfit left. She put it on and looked at her reflection in disgust, honestly contemplating putting Zuko's pajamas back on. It was a deep red color, and almost completely backless, with strategically placed key holes that put her hips and breasts on display. Thin, black, beaded lace criss-crossed the keyholes, back, and neckline, giving her the illusion of strappy undergarments.

She cracked the bathroom door and peeked into the bedroom. Zuko was still there, looking at her curiously. 

"... What?" He finally asked.

She made a face. "I can't go anywhere like this."

"It can't be that bad, let me see."

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't laugh." 

He held up his hands. "I promise."

She sighed and opened the door all the way. Zuko made a strange strangled noise and she frowned. "You promised."

"I'm _not_ laughing." He swallowed, and looked away when she shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "You're right though. You aren't going anywhere in that."

She caught the possessive tone in his voice and put her hands on her hips, and opened her mouth to argue.

"If you don't want to." He amended quickly, and she deflated, wrapping her arms back around herself. He tried not to watch her. "Were you planning on going anywhere today?"

"I wanted to go get some of my things, mainly clothes so I don't have to wear this stuff anymore." 

Zuko nodded. He hesitated, trying to find some courage. "I have a meeting today, but I should be done fairly early. Would you, uh, like to have dinner with me?" Her eyebrows shot up and he put his hands up in a show of peace. "Not like that, but as friends? I know everything is weird, but I'd like to… get to know you again?" 

She should say no, she thought, but crumbled at the hope in his voice. "That sounds really nice. I'd like to get to know you again, too." She smiled, and it stole his breath.

A short time later, she was leaving the room. Extremely self conscious, but she did it anyway. Zuko was leaving for his meeting as well, and he pulled her guard aside. She waited a small distance away, rolling her eyes at his overprotectiveness. 

"Keep to the service corridors, _no one_ touches her-- unless she's okay with it--" he added, half-begrudgingly, "do not take your eyes off her." 

"Yes sir." The guard was already looking at Emaya appreciatively behind the mask, and it came out with more zeal than warranted. 

Emaya pretended not to hear, but she wrapped her arms around herself and turned red. Zuko bristled. "Are we going to have a problem?" He asked coldly. 

The guard snapped to attention. "No, My Prince, apologies."

"Good." He walked to Emaya and smiled apologetically. "I'll, um, see you tonight?"

She chuckled at the question. "Obviously." 

He nodded, ignoring the warmth in his face, and then walked away. She watched him, wishing they had been born in different circumstances until the guard cleared his throat. 

"Ready, Miss?"

She nodded, and turned towards the service corridor. He followed a respectful distance behind, and she both hated and appreciated it. People stared. She had known they would, but it was still foreign and uncomfortable. If she had been in her kitchen clothes, no one would have looked at her twice. No one ever looked at her twice, which is how she had come to realize she wasn't conventionally beautiful. 

Not that she thought she was ugly. Generally, she thought she was pretty, if a bit plain, and she was okay with that. There were perks to being plain, which is why she hated these "dresses" so much. They didn't make her feel beautiful, they made her feel vulnerable. 

She went to her bunk first, digging through her trunk with a sense of relief. She pulled out all of her non-work attire, and was tempted to change right then, but she was fairly certain the guard would take Zuko's order to not let her out of sight very seriously. Instead she grabbed a cloak and threw it over herself. She would probably look just as odd, wearing it indoors in summer, but at least she wouldn't feel so exposed.

She collected her tools, which basically consisted of her last block of wood, her sharpening stone (that she'd saved up for forever), and the two different sized knives that she had, er, liberated from the kitchen and put them in a bag. They weren't really proper woodcarver's tools, but she made them work. She also took the entirety of her savings and a few odds and ends and put them in there as well. 

When she finished, she wasn't ready to return to Zuko's room just yet, so she headed to the kitchens. She shouldn't bother them, she'd really just be in the way, but she couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather go. 

Ikori spotted her before she'd even made it completely through the door. She never missed anything in her kitchen, and she came bustling over, completely abandoning the stew she'd been stirring. 

"Oh, my girl, I was not expecting you today." Ikori said, like they were old friends and visits were commonplace. She cupped Emaya's face and turned it this way and that, as if inspecting her for harm. "You feeling okay?" 

Emaya knew that was Ikori-speak for 'Did he hurt you?' She nodded. "I'm doing well." She responded, hoping Ikori understood, but she looked at Emaya suspiciously.

"I am glad to hear it. Sit! We'll have tea." She waved at a stool.

"I don't want to get in the way, I know how busy it gets." She objected.

"Do you have to get back so soon?" Her eyes flicked to the guard, who was trying in vain to stay out of the way of the bodies rushing around the kitchen. 

More double meaning. She was trying to gauge how afraid Emaya was. Emaya smiled. "I guess not. I can stay a little while." 

Ikori nodded in approval and grabbed a tray of fruit and cream and a pot of tea. Emaya realized she hadn't had breakfast and snacked while Ikori poured them the tea. As the kitchen emptied of the breakfast rush, Ikori became a lot more direct. "Be honest now, girl, how are you?"

"Honestly, Ikori. I'm okay." She could tell she did not believe her. "The Prince has been…" she lowered her voice, "very patient." 

The older woman raised a brow and leaned forward, speaking just as low, "he hasn't--?"

Emaya shook her head before she could finish the question.

"Oh." She said thoughtfully, taking a drink from her teacup. "Do you think he will continue to be, ah, patient?" 

Emaya blushed, "I think he will," she said carefully, and tried to think of the most succinct way to describe their situation. "He wasn't, um, expecting to see me."

Ikori sighed in relief and muttered, "Agni bless him," under her breath, and then slid off her stool, pulling Emaya off hers and into a hug. "I was worried for you." 

"I was too." She only half joked.

Ikori smiled at her, if a bit sadly. "I have to get back to it, but you come visit whenever you feel like it." 

Emaya nodded and collected her things. "Thank you." She called before heading out the door. 

She headed back to Zuko's room, but changed her mind as they passed the stairs to the rooftop garden. She had hours yet before she had to be back, so she took a detour and climbed the stairs. 

She was greeted immediately by Chesu, the absolutely ancient Master of Gardens. "My, can it be Miss Emmy? I thought you'd decided never to come visit me." 

She laughed. "It's only been a week, Chesu. And you know I hate when you call me that." She softened the admonishment by taking the watering can from his hands. He didn't protest, just pointed to where he'd left off.

"Ah, but there's only so much time left for me. A week is too long." 

She rolled her eyes. He'd been threatening to die of old age her entire life. "I'll try to get up here more often. Where is your help? You shouldn't be lugging this water around by yourself, Chesu."

"Bah! Worthless, the whole lot of them. Just a bunch of empty heads on two legs they give me."

She laughed and shook her head. No one would ever live up to Chesu's standards when it came to his garden. She stayed and helped him finish the watering, and listened to him gripe about the weather. She helped him repot an innumerable amount of pepper plants, which were not only good for cooking, but good for joint and muscle pain too, apparently. It wasn't until Chesu mentioned that she must be getting hungry that she realized how late it had gotten. 

She apologized and said a quick goodbye, nearly running down the stairs and back to Zuko's room, her escort's armor rattling loudly behind her as he rushed to keep up. She slowed to a walk just before reaching the door and walked through it. Her escort followed, which she thought was unnecessary. 

She saw Zuko stand up at her entrance, and felt guilty. "I'm so sorry, Prince Zuko, I lost track of time, I hope I'm not terribly late." 

"No, It's okay. I haven't been waiting long. I thought I was late until I saw you weren't back yet." He admitted. He stared at her, confused. "But what were you doing?"

She looked down and realized her hands were covered in dirt and she laughed. "I was helping Chesu in the garden. When I realized how late it was…" she shrugged. "I'll go get cleaned up." She went into the bathroom, and rolled her eyes at the guard waiting patiently to speak with the Prince. She probably should have assumed that Zuko would want a rundown of her activities, but it still grated her. 

When she came out of the bathroom, Zuko was looking thoughtfully at the carpet, but he came out of it quickly enough. "Did you want to change?"

She shrugged. "I don't mind so much with the cloak, and I figured you'd waited enough already."

"I, uh, want you to be comfortable, I'll wait as long as it takes."

Emaya got the distinct impression he wasn't just talking about dinner right then. "I'll be okay." 

Zuko cleared his throat. "I thought we'd eat in the garden. Like old times?" 

"I would like that." She said honestly. He offered her his arm, and she took it, if a bit hesitantly. She could feel the warmth of him through his sleeve and mentally shushed her racing heart.

He led her outside, to a small blanket laid out next to the pond. They'd done this as kids, but now it felt more intimate somehow. They sat down and worked through the first awkward moments until they were eating and laughing and genuinely enjoying each other's company. 

"Tell me about your day." Zuko said. 

Emaya rolled her eyes and threw a grape at him. "Didn't the guard already do that?" She'd meant it lightly, but it came out less so. 

Zuko chuckled, and she found she liked the sound. "Actually, the guard just wanted to warn me that you brought back weapons." He picked at the grass and surreptitiously watched her response.

"I did _what_ now?" She asked incredulously.

"It's okay. If it makes you feel safer to have knives, you can have knives." He shrugged. "I trust you." 

It took Emaya a few seconds to process. She smacked her forehead and huffed. "Those aren't for protection, they are my _wood carving_ knives. So I can have something to keep busy while you wine and dine statespeople!" 

Zuko looked sheepish. "Oh. Right." 

She rolled her eyes. "I guess they don't really look like a woodcarver's tools, I just made do with what I had." 

Just then, they could hear raised voices, notably Azula's, from the other end of the garden and moving closer. She was berating a server for something, and Emaya winced in empathy. Zuko's smile faded and he turned to Emaya, serious and calculating. "Can I kiss you?" He asked in a rush.

"What?" She said, but then found herself nodding. 

He took her face in his hands and kissed her lightly on the lips, waiting for her to pull away, but she didn't, and he could hear the crunch of Azula's boots on the gravel, so he kissed her again, harder. She kissed him back, and licked at his bottom lip. Suddenly his tongue was in her mouth and she sighed against him and all thoughts of everything else disappeared. 

Azula's voice cut through the fog. "Ahem. Zuko, could I have a word with you?" 

"Can't you see that we're busy?" Zuko leaned in again and stole another kiss. He knew it wasn't strictly necessary, but who knew if he'd get this chance again? He tried to remind himself they were just playing a part. 

Emaya gathered her wits, tried her best to look cowed, and spoke softly. "If It's alright, Prince Zuko, I can go feed the turtleducks while you talk with the Princess? I don't want to cause any tension between you." 

Zuko sighed and made a show of waving her off. Emaya stood and bowed to them both before moving to the other end of the pond. 

Azula regarded her cooly as she walked away, but then turned her focus to Zuko. "So, I've heard you've been to visit your uncle fatso in the prison tower."

Zuko stood, angrily. "That guard told you." 

"No, you did. Just now." She looked at him with a smug smirk. 

He crossed his arms. "Fine, you caught me. What do you want, Azula?"

"Actually, nothing. Believe it or not, I'm looking out for you. If people find out you've been to see Uncle, they'll think you're plotting with him. Just be careful, Dum-Dum."

"Yeah, okay. Fine."

"Since I'm here, and giving advice and all," Azula started, studying her nails, "why haven't you deflowered your kitchen girl yet?"

Zuko's hands tightened into fists and he ground his teeth. "It's none of your business what I do or don't do with her." 

"I'm only curious. Is it a delayed gratification thing? Or do you have trouble performing? I know you tend to disappoint, Zu-zu, but I honestly wouldn't have guessed that--"

Zuko stood up again and brushed roughly past her, "I'm done talking to you." 

Azula grabbed his arm. "No need to sulk, brother, I'm only teasing. I really am looking out for you, you know. You really should get on with it though. Think about it, If _I_ have heard that you haven't been enjoying your little gift, it won't be long until Father knows as well." She let him go and laughed, high and cruel. "How do you think he'll punish her for displeasing you? Or _maybe_ he'll show you how it's done."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates will probably slow down from here on out. My sister is being induced on friday, and then I have a whole week of moving house. I'm hoping to snag enough of a signal to post at least one chapter while I am gone, but if I don't, don't panic. I'm not quite disappearing into the void. 🙃

Emaya had walked a short distance away, and tossed bits of bread to the quacking animals below. She was trying to eavesdrop, but couldn't get her brain to focus on anything past the fact that the Prince had kissed her and she'd melted into him without so much as a peep. She'd been trying so hard this whole time to build walls around her heart, but just one "Can I kiss you?" And she'd tossed it all out the window. She hadn't even realized he'd meant it as a ploy to fool his sister until after the fact. She mentally kicked herself. 

It wasn't really a fair fight. Since she'd met him, Zuko daydreams had always been her favorite escape, but they'd never been _attainable_. She'd never had to worry about the reality of her what ifs or the inevitable lack of a happily ever after. 

How was she supposed to convince her heart that it wasn't supposed to fall this time? Sure, he wasn't exactly the Prince Charming she'd always imagined, but she was learning that he was sweet and considerate and handsome and funny. Even his awkwardness was sort of endearing. To top it all off, he _wanted_ her. She could tell, even if he pretended he didn't. She wondered if he could tell that she wanted him too. 

She realized that if this went on for much longer, she'd end up nursing heartache. She heard Azula laugh, high and cruel, and looked up just in time to see Zuko stomping angrily towards her. He stopped and thrust his arm out for her to take. "It's time to go."

She swallowed the urge to argue, and took his arm, letting him drag her back up to his room. Once they were inside, he began pacing. She watched him carefully. After his fifth or sixth pass, she grabbed his hand and stilled him.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"It doesn't matter. Azula always lies."

"What did she say?" She asked, but he didn't answer. He just shook his head and started pacing again. 

She watched him mutter angrily to himself and throw more than one thing into the air and incinerate it before stopping him once more. She didn't let herself think about it. She just put her arms around him and her head on his shoulder.

He stilled. "What are you doing?"

"I'm hugging you." It came out muffled against his chest. "Is it helping?"

He considered that and relaxed marginally. "Y- yes?"

"Good." She let him go and looked up at him. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

He took one of her hands in his and studied it, smoothing his thumb over the faint scars on her knuckles. "I don't want to."

She swallowed. "Why not?"

"Because you'll probably think that I'm just trying to-- but that's not what-- and it's probably not even true anyway so it doesn't matter."

She shook her head at him, confused. "You have to use whole sentences. Just tell me what she said, we can start there."

Zuko let out a long breath. "She said that she knew that we hadn't…you know." He made a vague gesture between them, blushing. "Then she implied my father might find out. But that's impossible right? How could she _know_? It's not like we've gone around broadcasting it. She had to be just guessing, like she did about my visit to Uncle."

"Well…" Emaya cringed guiltily. 

"What?" 

"It's possible that I'm to blame for that. I, um, _might_ have mentioned it?"

Zuko looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "You _told_ someone?! Do you _want_ my father to find out?!"

She snatched her hand away. "Well, I'm _sorry_! It's not like I've done this before. They were worried about me! They thought you had _raped_ me. Do you want your people to think you're a vile monster?!"

"YES! If that is what it takes to keep us safe, to keep _you_ safe, then yes!"

They stood there glaring at each other angrily until Emaya whirled around in a huff "Fine." She ground out, taking off her cloak and unbuttoning her dress.

"What-" He was looking at her like she'd lost her mind. "Stop. What are you doing?"

She was fumbling with the third button with shaking hands. "Fuck!"

Zuko strode forward and grabbed her hands. "Emaya, stop."

She stared at the floor. "The problem is that we haven't had sex yet, right? We'll just do it now. Problem solved." 

He scooped up the cloak and draped it around her. "No, Em. The problem is I am too much of a coward to stand up to my father again." He smiled sadly at her. "We've got a little time, we'll figure something out." 

The next morning, Emaya woke while Zuko was getting ready for the day. She knew better than to rush into the bathroom this time, and cringed a little at the memory. Not that she wouldn't mind seeing him like that again. She shoved that thought into a box and tossed it aside. 

She remembered the discussion they'd had last night, and wondered how Zuko intended to 'figure it out.' Honestly, if having sex was off the table as a solution, she wasn't sure what else they could do. She could try to tell Tala or Ikori they'd done it, but she wasn't confident she could bluff her way through any details. And if it came from her, Azula would likely see through that in an instant anyway. 

Zuko came out of the bathroom, just as Emaya sprung out of bed with an idea. She ran to the door and put her ear to it. Zuko started to ask her what the hell, but she shushed him. 

"What time is it?" She demanded.

"Nearly breakfast, why?"

"Perfect." She ran to the desk and pushed all the stuff off it onto the floor. 

"What--"

"I've been thinking, about what you said last night." She ran back to the door and listened again. She could hear the distant rattle of dishes. "Shit." She waved at Zuko, "take off your clothes." 

He sighed. "Emaya, I told you, I'm not--" 

She grabbed a blanket off the bed and wrapped it around her waist, and then hopped up on the desk. "What are you doing?! Take off your clothes and come here!"

"Emaya, they're going to open the door any minute-- _Emaya_!" She'd unbuttoned her borrowed pajama top all the way and let it fall down off her shoulders.

"Exactly! Get over here! We need to give them something to gossip about." 

He did as she asked, still not one hundred percent clear on what she intended. She grabbed him as soon as he was close enough and positioned him between her legs. "Take this off!" She hissed, pulling at his robes until they opened enough for her liking. 

There were muffled voices outside as the guards and server exchanged pleasantries. Emaya looked at their position and reached up, undoing Zuko's careful top knot.

"Hey! I just fini--" She interrupted him by roughing his hair. He looked at her like she had lost her mind, and she would have laughed, but the door handle was turning. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him tight to her body. He lost his footing, his hands going to the desk on either side of her so he didn't fall completely on top of her, and she heard him mutter, "Agni," under his breath.

When the door swung open, Emaya reached up to pull him into a kiss, but he'd turned his head towards the door, so she latched onto his neck instead, kiss-sucking along his jawline.

Unprepared, Zuko's knees buckled, and an embarrassing groan ripped from his chest. The server looked at them, then, startled. Emaya "noticed" her, and clutched at the blanket modestly. Zuko looked from Emaya to the server, and said, in a breathy growl, "Get. Out." The server blanched and hurried out the door, closing it smartly behind her. 

Neither of them moved at first, and the air around them crackled with tension. Emaya looked up at him, a small smile creeping onto her face, "Do you think she got the idea?" 

Zuko fought to keep a straight face, and untangled himself from her. "Let's hope so. Though a little warning next time, would be nice." His face was red.

"You had nearly as much warning as I did." She began buttoning her top and ignored the red in her own cheeks. 

"Yeah, well-- what are you doing now?" He watched her rummage through her bag and produce one of her knives. She walked over to their bed and pulled back the blankets, surveyed the space for a moment and then drew the blade across her thumb. "Hey!" Zuko ran over, wondering if she'd lost her mind, and took the blade from her, setting it on the desk.

"If they're paying as close attention as we think they are, they'll be looking for this." She let two big drops of blood plop onto the sheets and then smeared them in before sticking her thumb in her mouth. 

"But," he protested, embarrassed by the implications, "doesn't that make it sort of official?" 

She looked at him incredulously and spoke around her thumb, "that's the point." She pulled her thumb out of her mouth and inspected it. Nothing a small bandage wouldn't take care of. "What, are you worried about my marriage prospects all of a sudden?" She rolled her eyes. 

Zuko tsked and turned back to the bathroom. "I'm going to be late now."

"Just tell them how good it was Prince Zuko, I'm sure they'll understand." He made a face at her and she snickered. 

*~*~*~*

Later, when Zuko returned, he found Emaya being fitted with more ridiculously revealing gowns. The girl helping her was currently fastening what had to be the tenth buckle, when he caught Emaya's wordless, red-faced plea. He didn't know what he was supposed to do about it. Unless…

He sent a look to Emaya, his eyes full of mischief. She may have caught him off guard with her 'pretend to have sex' plan this morning, but two could play at that game. At least, he hoped so. The more rumor fodder, the better, right? He was terrible at lying, but maybe it wouldn't be too hard to pretend to be what they expected he was. 

He crossed his arms and summoned his most disapproving frown. Emaya caught his expression and prayed she was reading him right. "Do you not like it, Prince Zuko?" She asked. Tala looked up from her work.

"No." Zuko answered. 

Emaya looked at Tala beseechingly, who bowed to Zuko deeply before speaking. "Apologies, my Prince. What displeases you?"

"Don't you have anything more… modest?" 

"Modest, my Prince?" Tala spoke the word as if she'd never heard it before. 

"Yes." He walked forward and tugged on a buckled strap on the complicated garment. "Look at this, this leaves nothing to the imagination." He walked slowly around them, as if assessing the outfit from all angles. "There's no reveal, no anticipation." He drew a line down Emaya's naked back with one finger as he spoke, and goosebumps rose over her flesh.

Tala blinked at him. "Apologies again, Prince Zuko, I will see what I can find." She went back over to her cart and pushed many things to the side, before pulling out a few garments. She moved back to Emaya and started unbuckling and undressing her. 

Shit. Zuko hadn't counted on her stripping Emaya down right this second. He cleared his throat, and both of them looked at him. "I'm going to have a bath. Have her ready for me and be gone before I am done." 

"Yes, My Prince." Tala nodded, and then turned back to Emaya with a knowing smirk. 

Zuko sent Emaya an apologetic glance and then headed to the bathroom. He ran the water, but had no intention of actually bathing, he preferred to clean up in the morning. He took down his top knot and washed his face before frowning at his reflection. He turned his face so that none of the scar was reflected back at him and sighed. No use lamenting his looks now. He wondered idly how gross Emaya thought his scar was. He'd caught her looking at him more than once, her face unreadable, but he hadn't seen pity or disgust there, and he'd gotten pretty good at spotting those particular emotions. 

How long should he hide in here? It didn't take that long to put on a dress, right? He sighed and hoped Emaya would give him an all clear.

As soon as the bathroom door had shut, Tala was grinning at Emaya. Emaya didn't like the knowing cast of her face. "What?" 

"Nothing." She sing songed. 

"What, Tala?" 

"Well, I'll just tell you that a birdie told me that the Prince was caught red handed with his kitchen girl bent over the desk this morning, and I wasn't sure that I believed it, but now I kinda do." 

Emaya turned bright red. "I wasn't bent over." She muttered, and Tala cackled. "I can't believe she actually told people."

"The server? No, girl, they know better than that! It's the guards that can't keep their mouths shut." She motioned for Emaya to step into a different dress much more tasteful than the last, though it was still more revealing than she would have liked. "So," Tala said, drawing out the word, "how was it?" She was grinning, but there was worry hidden in her eyes.

"Um. It was… not what I expected?" 

Tala raised an eyebrow. "In a good way, or a bad way?" 

Emaya blushed. "A good way." 

Tala gave a little huff of relief. "Okay, spill." 

Emaya glanced towards the bathroom door and wracked her brain, this is exactly what she wanted to avoid. She knew the mechanics, but it wasn't like she had any first hand knowledge. "It was...sudden." Tala raised both eyebrows and Emaya waved her hands frantically, "Not like that, more like, he just decided? But I was honestly glad, and he was patient and kind a-and generous."

"Generous? You have all the luck." She leaned in conspiratorially, and whispered, "What's he working with?"

Emaya buried her face in her hands. "Spirits, Tala!" But she didn't relent so Emaya sputtered. "I don't know, big, I guess?"

"You guess?" Tala revelled in her discomfort.

"It's not like I have a huge frame of reference! Now can we _please_ stop talking about it?" 

Tala laughed. "Yes. You're ready for round two now anyway." 

Emaya cleared her throat and through a small grin muttered. "Technically, I think it's round three?"

Tala put a hand to her chest. "You know, I think I might be a bad influence on you." 

After Tala had gone, Emaya knocked on the bathroom door, surprised when it immediately opened. Zuko looked her up and down and sighed, "Thank Agni, it worked." 

"Yes, thank you. That last dress was a nightmare." 

Zuko nodded in agreement. "I honestly don't think I'd have been able to get you out of it if I wanted to." 

Emaya wasn't sure how to take that until she caught the smallest upward tilt of his lips. She tsked and pushed him away playfully. He smiled at her. "Would you like to take a walk with me?"

"Um. I think we're supposedly having sex right now."

Zuko swallowed. "Right."

"Should we, ah, make a thing of it?" She motioned to the door. "Tala said it's mainly the guards that gossip."

Zuko chuckled. "As fun and mortifying as that sounds, no. I think we'll try to be discreet tonight."

"Got it. Um." She fidgeted. "So, for the sake of our deception, I think we should get our stories straight."

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I maybe told Tala some things about our... pretend encounter?"

He stared at her. "Why?!"

"Because she asked? And I wanted her to believe the rumors. It was either her or my escort that went to Azula, Ikori would never."

"What did you say?" It wasn't quite an accusation.

"Um. That I wasn't expecting it?" Zuko rounded on her, a look of betrayal on his face, and she held up her hands, "No, I definitely implied it was consensual." 

His features smoothed. "Okay, what else?" 

Her face flushed, and she looked away. "Honestly, you're welcome, I made you sound awesome. I said that you were patient and kind and generous." 

_I would try to be_. Zuko thought before he caught himself. "Okay. I don't think it will come up in polite conversation, but you're right, we should tell each other whenever we have to invent stuff." 

"Oh!" She looked sheepish. "I also maybe implied we've already done it twice?" 

He rolled his eyes. "Of course."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, it's basically a filler episode. Why am I like this?

The next morning, they ate breakfast together in a not quite awkward silence. "So," Zuko began carefully, "do you have any plans for the day?"

"Actually, I was hoping to do some shopping today." She paused. "Wait. Am I even allowed to leave the palace?"

Zuko thought about it. "I would assume? But I honestly don't know. You might have, um, extra restrictions."

"Awesome." She stabbed at the food on her plate. 

"I can find out for you." He fidgeted. "Or, I have the day to myself, I could go with you? If you want. I'm sure it won't be a problem if I am with you." 

Emaya fought the urge to lash out in frustration. He was trying, so she fought to keep her voice even. "You won't be ashamed? Taking your whore into public?"

"Em, you know that I--"

"I know." She interrupted, trying not to sulk. "I'm not being combative, I'm actually asking. Isn't that sort of thing frowned upon for a Prince?"

"Honestly? It's not. Lu Ten was notorious for spoiling and flaunting his, er, current interest whenever he came home." He rubbed the back of his neck, sheepishly. "And there has been more than one snide remark about how I've kept you 'hidden away.'"

"Great." The word dripped sarcasm. "I guess we're going to the market then." 

"I don't have to go, I can--"

"No, it's fine. I'm just… frustrated."

"I know, I'm sorry."

She sighed. "It's not your fault."

Later, in the palanquin, Emaya leaned over and whispered, "So, how um, physical, should we be in front of people? I don't know what's appropriate."

"Whatever you are comfortable with." He whispered back. "Just take my arm, and let people talk." 

"Okay." She tried not to be disappointed. They were getting closer to the bazaar, she could hear the sounds of the crowd and the merchants calling. She glanced at the Prince, trying to quell the thought that had just occurred to her. 

He felt her stare. "What?"

_Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it. ___

____

"I think you should be kissing me when we stop." 

____

_Fuck._

____

"Y-yeah?" He wet his lips unconsciously.

____

She tried not to notice. "Well, I mean, we're supposedly two people in lust sitting in a secluded and dark palanquin, it would be weird if we weren't kissing, right?" She assured herself that that totally made sense and wasn't just an excuse to feel his lips on hers again.

____

"Right." He said, heart pounding. As if on cue, the palanquin slowed, and Zuko turned to face her fully. "Now?" 

____

She nodded, and quickly closed the distance between them. The kiss deepened, and he let her set the tone, but his hands itched to touch her. He cupped her face with one and the other settled carefully on her hip. He broke away just long enough to murmur, "this okay?" Her mouth chased his as she nodded, and her hands found his chest as the palanquin jerked to a halt.

____

His teeth gently caught her bottom lip, and her breath stuttered. She felt his fingers curl tighter at her hip, and want blossomed inside her. 

____

An abrupt "Ahem," had her jerking away from him though. Zuko looked to where the curtain was being held open, and then back at Emaya, cursing every spirit he could name. He took a moment to compose himself and very pointedly exited the palanquin and offered her his arm when she followed.

____

They studiously avoided eye contact, looking anywhere but at each other. The market offered plenty of distractions in the riot of color and sound and smell. Zuko dared a glance at her and cleared his throat. "Where to?"

____

"Um, I need to pick up some more wood and supplies, but we can just browse between here and there?"

____

"Lead the way." 

____

They meandered from stall to stall, and Zuko tried his best to ignore the looks and hushed whispers. He'd dressed down for this, but there was no hiding his scar or who he was. He hung back and watched Emaya instead. She touched everything she passed, stroking soft silks, bright feathers, and textured glass. He didn't think she was even aware that she was doing it. 

____

Zuko tried not to envy her easy way with the merchants and shoppers alike, or the readiness with which she gave the strangers a smile, but he couldn't stop wishing that she could find it so easy with him.

____

All at once she seemed to remember herself and looked up, searching for him. She came back to his side and took his arm, looking sheepish. "I'm sorry, Prince Zuko, I got swept up in the rush of the market."

____

"I didn't mind. It's nice to see you happy." Her smile faltered a fraction, and Zuko mentally kicked himself, even if he didn't truly understand what he'd said wrong. "Have you found anything you like?"

____

She laughed. "I haven't found much that I _don't_ like. I've never been to this side of the Caldera before."

____

"Oh." Once again, he kicked himself. Of course she hadn't been to this side, which was generally frequented by the wealthier citizens. "We can go somewhere else?"

____

"Are you kidding?" She rolled her eyes, but was grinning, "I could spend all day here. It's all new. I don't know where anything is though, maybe you should lead." 

____

He chuckled. "I haven't been here since I was a kid." 

____

"So," she said playfully, "what you're saying is, neither of us knows where we are going."

____

He fought a smile. "Not a clue."

____

"And it might take us a while to find what we're looking for."

____

"All day, even." 

____

It took less than two minutes after that for the merchants to collectively realize who Emaya was with, and only a few minutes more for them to begin bombarding her with offers of free samples and "royal discounts." 

____

They seemed to flood the space around her, while giving Zuko a wide berth. They thrust various objects into her face and called out to her repeatedly. She did her best to entertain them all, turning a circle and responding, "No, thank you-- yes, it's lovely-- I appreciate it, but--." 

____

She shot Zuko a distressed look and he started towards her just as one of the merchants grabbed her wrist to get her attention. She tugged her arm away, but Zuko had seen enough, quickening his step and glowering at them as he moved closer. 

____

They immediately quieted and backed away at his approach, bowing respectfully. She put a hand on his chest before he decided to be dramatic, and spoke. 

____

"The Prince and I appreciate your generosity and enthusiasm, truly." She looked at Zuko, who was still glowering. " _Don't_ we, your highness?"

____

He forced himself to relax a fraction. "Of course." 

____

"However, as the Prince has been, er, away for some time, we'd like to take our time and genuinely appreciate all the market has to offer," she offered them a smile, "you all understand, I'm sure."

____

The lot of them were nodding and apologizing, some of them slipping away into the crowd, embarrassed. None of them came too close again, though one man did step forward, glancing nervously at Zuko before smiling at Emaya. "My apologies my dear, and to you, Prince Zuko. It's not often that a member of the Royal family pays us a visit, and we seem to have gotten carried away. Please, enjoy the market at your leisure."

____

"We certainly will, Mr…?" She let the question hang.

____

"Please, call me Rukan, my shop is just along the way, if you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

____

"Thank you, Rukan, for your patience with us today."

____

"No, no, Lady, we should be the ones thanking you," he nodded to them both, "for your understanding and forgiveness of our rudeness."

____

She waved her hands dismissively, and wished Zuko would step in and say something. "I think we are all just a little excitable today."

____

Rukan took his leave, and Zuko put his hand on the small of Emaya's back and steered her towards the next stall. He leaned down and murmured, "are you okay?"

____

She nodded, and tried to ignore the swooping feeling in her stomach when his hand touched her back. She glanced up, and he was frowning. "Are _you_ okay?" 

____

"Just confused." He said, and before she could ask he continued, "He said they were excited to have a member of the royal family, but none of them tried to approach me at all, just you." 

____

"Well, I mean…" She looked up at him and fought a laugh. 

____

He narrowed his eyes at her. "What?" 

____

"Your family isn't exactly known for it's, er, amiability. Maybe," she said, chuckling, "if you didn't look like you were going to set someone on fire just for looking at you…"

____

"I don't look like that." He frowned at her as she tried to fix a serious look on her face. Okay, maybe he could try not to scowl so much. His lips twitched upward. "I'm very approachable." 

____

"If you say so, Prince Zuko." 

____

They walked on, stopping often to admire wares or speak with the merchants. Emaya politely but firmly declined any offered gifts, though she did allow the old woman selling flowers to weave a single lily into her braid, with the promise to send anyone that asked in her direction. 

____

She found some cleverly painted bamboo wind chimes, each dried shoot depicting a different scene or animal. One in particular caught her eye, the hollow reeds were all painted with the exact scene but at a different time of year. As it spun, it seemed that time marched across its face, and it made melodic, hollow wood sounds when the wind blew. She admired it a beat too long, trying to decide if she was brave enough to ask for a price.

____

Zuko walked up behind her. "You're quiet all of a sudden." He teased. "What did you find?" She pointed up to it in response. "Do you want to get it?"

____

Emaya shrugged. "It's very pretty, but I'm afraid to ask how much."

____

"Hm." He paused and turned, "Excuse me, we'll take this one." Emaya looked at him incredulously.

____

The merchant, a plump woman with flyaway hair, beamed at them as she came towards them. Zuko reached up and carefully took the chime down. 

____

"Oh, that one is my favorite." The woman tittered as she approached. "My son makes these, he'll be so tickled to know you like them, if he even believes me!" 

____

"They're lovely." Emaya said, while trying not to glare at the Prince. 

____

"I'll go wrap it up for you, just a moment." 

____

As soon as the woman walked away, Emaya turned on Zuko, who was doing his best to look innocent. 

____

"What?"

____

"I can buy my own things, thank you." She didn't need to feel indebted to him on top of everything else.

____

"I know, but I wanted to." He shrugged, trying not to be annoyed. He was just trying to be nice. 

____

She didn't seem satisfied with that. "Well, now I feel like I owe you."

____

He rolled his eyes. "So you can give me gifts, but I can't return the favor?"

____

"I-" She stopped. "That's different."

____

"How?" He challenged. 

____

She was saved from answering by the merchant returning with their purchase, grinning from ear to ear. Zuko took the package from her, and thanked her. Emaya pointedly looked elsewhere when Zuko paid. 

____

They resumed their tour of the marketplace, not quite angry at each other. "If you don't want it, I can keep it for myself." Zuko tried.

____

"No, I-" she swallowed and tried again. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so prickly about it. In any other circumstance, I would be…" she inhaled sharply, and shook the thought away. "Nevermind, thank you. I really love it."

____

"Are you sure?" He asked.

____

"Yes." She smiled up at him to show that she was being genuine.

____

"Okay." He said with relief before his tone turned playful. "So, are you going to get mad if I buy us lunch?" She tsked and rolled her eyes, but didn't object, so he counted that as a win. 

____

Soon after they ate, the stalls gave way to brick and mortar shops with inviting displays out front. When they finally came upon the master wood-worker's shop, Emaya gasped.

____

There were towering sculptures carved from what had to be entire tree trunks, intricately carved jewelry boxes, and wooden puzzles painted with breathtaking landscapes before being meticulously cut into hundreds of pieces.

____

Zuko chuckled at her look of wonder. "I take it we found what we were looking for then?"

____

She turned to him, excited. "You don't understand. In the other market where I usually buy my supplies, there's the tiniest stall. It's not very popular over there. I didn't know half of this was even possible. _Look_." She gestured wildly at a vase full of wildflowers. The entire thing had been carved from a single block of wood and then painted extremely realistically. At first glance, it looked real. She squealed. "Look at how thin the petals are! Oh my spirits, It even has a panda-bee, look!" 

____

Zuko couldn't help the smile that worked its way onto his face. "Should I have them wrap it up?"

____

She laughed. "Don't you dare."

____

Her excitement drew the owner to them. He brightened considerably when he saw who had entered his shop. "Prince Zuko, what an honor." He bowed respectfully, and the prince inclined his head politely in return. "What brings you to my humble shop today?"

____

"Actually, she did." He nodded to Emaya, who had turned to the newcomer. 

____

"Did you make all of these?" She asked in awe. 

____

The man chuckled, "Heavens, no. I don't have the time to work as much as I did once. Most of these were made by those I trained though, so I get to be proud by proxy." 

____

"What about this?" She asked, pointing to the vase of wildflowers.

____

"Ah, that one _is_ mine." He conceded. "Though, my husband gets all the credit for the paint job. I'm useless with a paintbrush." 

____

"It's exquisite! There's so much detail!" 

____

He visibly preened. "Thank you. Would you like a tour?"

____

"Actually," Zuko cut in, "that would be great. Didn't you need some more supplies anyway, Emaya?"

____

"Oh?" He looked surprised and turned to regard Emaya. "You do woodwork?"

____

Emaya blushed and shot Zuko a look of betrayal. "I, uh, dabble. I carve in the round, but I'm not very good." 

____

Zuko tsked. "She's being modest."

____

"I'm not." She protested.

____

"You are." He countered.

____

She turned to the shop owner. "I'm really not. I've never had any formal training or anything, and my stuff is really rough."

____

"You _are_ , and I can prove it." 

____

The man watched them bicker, amused, until the prince pulled a small object from his pocket and handed it to him. He inspected it. She hadn't been lying, it was a bit rough, but it wasn't crude by any means. "You made this?" He asked, keeping his voice neutral.

____

She looked mortified. "Yes?"

____

Zuko cut in, "You should know, it's almost five years old, and the, uh, shell used to have a lot more detail." He looked almost guilty about it.

____

The merchant turned it over in his hand, inspecting it carefully. She'd even carved the impression of feet folded under on the bottom. "This is quite good." He paused. "If you sharpened your tools before each project, you wouldn't get grooves like this."

____

Emaya blushed again. "I try, but my knife blunts fast." 

____

"I'm sorry, your _knife_?" He looked at her strangely. "You are self taught, and you made this as a _child_ with only a knife?"

____

"Yes?" She said again. 

____

"Oh. My dear." He handed Zuko the turtleduckling carving and walked away from them distractedly, collecting things as he went. Emaya looked at Zuko, who shrugged before following him towards the back of the shop. The man came back and handed a small box to Emaya. "Here, take these. No charge."

____

She found a full set of woodcarving tools inside. "Oh, sir, thank you, but I can't--"

____

He shook his head and held up a hand. "I insist." 

____

"No, it's too much, I can't take these." She gave Zuko a pleading look but he just shrugged again, with a smug smile this time.

____

The prince smirked. "She doesn't handle accepting gifts well."

____

"It's not a gift," the merchant argued, "it's an investment."

____

"But--" She tried.

____

"If you really want to insist on payment, here," he stacked 3 blocks of different wood in her arms, "use those first two to get a feel for each tool, and to practice, then give me whatever you make with the third." 

____

"I-- But-- What if--"

____

Zuko leaned over and whispered, "Try 'thank you'."

____

She glared at him and then huffed, turning back to the merchant. "Thank you."

____


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In today's episode of Reason's I'm Crying: They just took my sister back for an emergency c section and I'm not allowed to go with. I really wanted to be there for her, since our mom can't, but now I just get to sit in this delivery room all by myself and worry. Anyway. I figured I might as well post this while I wait. It's the last chapter that I have that's ready to post, so updates will probably slow down to once a weekish instead of every other day. Thanks for hanging out with me so far.

That night, Zuko awoke suddenly. Emaya slept peacefully next to him, the space between them not quite as wide as the night before. He wondered if that was what had woken him, but a soft rustle outside his door put him on alert. 

He slipped from the bed and opened his door. The guards were not at their post, which in and of itself wasn't concerning-- before Emaya had joined him, guards had rarely been stationed outside his door-- but the cloaked figure slipping around the corner certainly was. Zuko followed, but a small slip of parchment caught his attention. He scooped it up and inspected it. 

"You need to know the story of your great-grandfather's demise. It will reveal your own destiny." He read it aloud. 

He frowned, and then slipped back into his bedroom and then back into bed. Emaya stirred and lifted her head. "You 'kay?" She murmured. 

"Yes, everything's fine." He whispered, but he reached for her hand. She gave it a small squeeze before slipping back to sleep. 

The next morning, Zuko was already gone when Emaya woke up. She thought about visiting Ikori or Chesu, but the rumors about her and the Prince were most likely still flying. She opted to stay in and play with her new toys. Choosing a block of soft pine, she sat out on the balcony and shaped the wood, one scrape at a time. 

She stopped only to eat and stretch and a quick trip through the garden for inspiration. It had been a very long time since she had been able to dedicate a whole day to it. She'd ended up with an ungainly hunk of wood that no one would think was pretty or worth anything, but she'd really only been experimenting. One side was covered in whorls of uneven wood, while another only had the shallowest impressions. You had to turn it in the light to make out the paisley pattern. On either end there were her best attempts at a many petaled flower, one noticeably better than the other.

It was growing dark when she finally put it away. She wondered what had kept Zuko all day, and then pushed that thought away, distracting herself with a bath and getting ready for bed. When she left the bathroom, Zuko was still not back. He'd never been gone this late before.

She frowned and got into bed, laying down and trying not to let her imagination get carried away. It didn't work. Before she knew it, she was thinking of the worst possible scenarios. And honestly, was it so far-fetched that he'd misstepped and angered his father? What if someone had found out he'd been to visit his uncle? Or that they'd been lying about having sex? Someone would tell her if anything had happened, right? 

She got out of bed at one point, and went to the door to ask the guards if they knew when the Prince was due back, but they didn't even know where he was. She'd gone back inside and paced, trying to convince herself everything was fine. 

It was just after midnight when the door opened and Zuko slipped in the room. Emaya rushed forward but pulled up short, resisting the urge to fling her arms around him in relief. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Zuko looked surprised to see her still up, and confused. "I'm fine."

"Where were you?" She demanded.

"In the catacombs, I lost track of time. Why are you so upset? Did something happen?"

She gave him a look that said, _are you serious right now_?! "It's the middle of the night, Zuko, I didn't know where you were, and we're not exactly on the straight and narrow, here." She realized her slip exactly one second after Zuko did. "My Prince." She added, a beat too late. The urgency in the air shifted all at once into something else. 

He didn't know why it hurt him so much. "Why do you do that?" He asked softly. She turned away from him, and he felt like pulling out his hair. "I don't understand why you insist on being so… formal. I don't want to be your Prince, Em, I want to be... your friend." He tried to bite back the next thought, but it came out anyway. "Do you still not trust me?"

Emaya sighed. "It's not you that I have to worry about." She needed that distance, that reminder of who he was and what she was. It was a flimsy shield, but it was all she had to protect her heart. 

"What are you talking about?"

She took a deep breath. "Look, I've worked in the kitchen of a palace since before I can remember. Dreaming of the Prince showing up and taking me away is basically in the job description. Everyone even close to our age entertained the notion at one point or another. But then, _wham_ , you literally run into me and you aren't just a figment of my imagination anymore. Suddenly, all those dreams didn't seem as impossible. They all held the tiniest amount of plausibility.

" _Then_ you had to go and rescue me from the biggest villain in my life, and insist on being my friend. You were kind and funny and open. You were the best thing that had ever happened to me, and even though I knew, _knew_ , in the back of my head it would never last, I let myself… get attached. I know it was only a few weeks, but you were the best friend I had ever had. 

"Then, surprise, I'm not allowed to see you anymore. I have to go back to being nobody, except all of a sudden people looked at me with pity and suspicion, and they talked about how I was just trying to get close to you and wasn't the Fire Lord wise to put a stop to it. Nevermind that I was just a kid, and never _asked_ for any of it. All the while, I'm trying to reconcile the fact that I am grieving someone who lives in the same building."

"It wasn't easy for me either, you know, you were my best friend too. My only friend." He stepped towards her and fought the urge to reach for her. "But it's different now, Emaya, I--"

"It's not." She interrupted him, turning around. "You are still a Prince, and I am still just a kitchen girl." She held up her scarred hands and he visibly winced. 

"I wouldn't let anything happen." He swore, "I won't let anyone hurt you."

She shook her head. "You aren't listening."

"I _am_." He insisted. "I hear you. I need you to hear me. I don't _care_ about your lineage."

"There is no happy ending for us after this! Stop pretending everything is going to be okay, because it's _not_. You think what, your father is going to let you keep me? Or that he will just send me back to the kitchen once he decides that it's time for you to marry some highborn noble? He won't. Honestly, I'll be lucky if he lets me _live_ , but I'll at least be sent away, and I don't need to be nursing a heartache on top of losing everything else. So forgive me if I try to keep a little space between us the only way I can."

They'd both stopped talking about friendship, and Zuko wasn't sure when that had happened, but here they were. "My father regards me differently now, given enough time, I could convince him--" 

"Convince him what? That I'm not exactly what I am?"

"No, convince him and anyone else that it doesn't matter. They'll see, Em, I'll--"

"Stop." She sounded tired. She closed her eyes. "When are you going to wake up and see that you are just as much a prisoner here as I am?"

He bristled, opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He spun on his heel and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

He wandered the halls of the palace aimlessly. He felt conflicted about everything... Emaya, his father, the random note left outside his door. He needed to talk to someone. Someone that would listen without judgement. He needed to talk to his uncle. 

The prison cell was much the same as it had been that last time, and so was the accompanying wave of shame at seeing his uncle kept this way. As it often did, the shame warped into anger. 

"You sent this, didn't you?" He held up the crumpled scroll about his great-grandfather. "I found the secret history, which by the way, should be renamed history most people already know! The note said that I needed to know about my great-grandfather's death, but he was still alive in the end."

He'd expected his uncle to stay silent, like he'd been the last time, but Iroh surprised him by answering.

"No, he wasn't."

"What are you talking about?" Zuko demanded.

"You have more than one great-grandfather, Prince Zuko. Sozin was your father's grandfather. Your mother's grandfather was Avatar Roku."

Zuko stared at him, shocked. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because understanding the struggle between your two great-grandfathers can help you better understand the battle within yourself. Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is your nature, your legacy. But, there is a bright side." Zuko looked up at that. "What happened generations ago can be resolved now, by you. Because of your legacy, you alone can cleanse the sins of our family and the Fire Nation. Born in you, along with all the strife, is the power to restore _balance_ to the world."

Iroh turned and pulled at a brick at the back of his cell. It fell away, revealing a small bundle. He unwrapped the dirty cloth and revealed the shine of a golden headdress. "This is a royal artifact. It's supposed to be worn--" he pushed a hand through the bars and offered it to Zuko, "by the Crown Prince."

Zuko took it from his hands, hesitantly. "Why are you giving this to me, Uncle? You didn't care about my legacy in Ba Sing Se. You would have had me hide there like a coward with no legacy beyond brewing tea." He sounded just as confused and bitter as he felt.

"No, Zuko. I believe this has always been your destiny, I only hoped to give you a chance to have normal teenage experiences, a chance to make some happy memories."

Zuko didn't know what to say to that, so he didn't say anything. He stood there, wanting to ask his uncle what he should do about Emaya, but in the shadow of their previous conversation, his convoluted love life seemed almost insignificant. Instead, he left without another word-- and with more questions than he'd started with. 

He found his way back to his room, and this time it was dark when he entered. He put on his night clothes and climbed into bed. He couldn't tell if Emaya was asleep, or just pretending. Her back was to him again. 

"Are you awake?" He whispered. She didn't answer, but he continued to whisper into the dark anyway. The words still needed to be said. "I didn't mean to worry you, I'm sorry. And… I understand why you don't want to get close to me. I wish I could make things different, but I can't. Not yet. I just need time." 

*~*~*~*

The next day, things were tense between them, and they hedged around each other carefully. Emaya resolved to visit Ikori, just to get away from the stifling atmosphere. 

She could smell the morning bread baking, even from the end of the long corridor, and she realized how much she had missed it. As she expected, the kitchen was a roiling mass of organized chaos. Ikori was not immediately visible, so Emaya rolled up her sleeves and washed her hands. She could feel her guard's eyes on her as she reached for a knife and pulled a stack of vegetables closer. He probably thought she was crazy, choosing to work in the kitchen over lounging in the Prince's bed all day. She rolled her eyes and set to work, losing herself in the familiarity of it. 

There was a light tap on her shoulder, and she glanced up to see Ikori at her side. The older woman regarded Emaya curiously, and then grabbed another knife. They worked together in silence for a time. At one point, Ikori left her side to berate a cook for leaving the rice on way too long. Smoke began to pour from the pot, and Ikori cursed. She put them on dish duty for the day, and docked their pay the cost of the rice. It was a harsher punishment than Emaya was expecting, but she didn't say anything. 

"Idiot." Ikori muttered when she returned, shaking her head. "Third time this week." Emaya fought a smile. "How have you been?" Ikori asked, not quite casually. "I've heard some things."

She fought a blush. "I imagine."

"Is your Prince still… patient?" 

There was no fighting that blush. "No. We, ah, came to an agreement." 

"I see." She mulled that over. "Things are good?"

Emaya smiled. "Yes. Well, I think maybe we're arguing right now?" She shook her head. "It's complicated, but things are very, er, good." She honestly wondered if her blush had taken up permanent residence on her cheeks at this point. She hated not telling Ikori the truth, but they couldn't risk it. She cleared her throat and changed the subject. "Anyway, why are you guys so busy today?" 

Ikori raised an eyebrow. "You forget that much already?" She teased. "You know how it gets when all the generals and higher ranking officers are called back." She rolled her eyes. "None of them are ever content with the prepared menu."

Emaya straightened. "Wait. They were?"

Ikori threatened a server bodily harm for dropping a tray, and then sighed, going back to their conversation without missing a beat. "I forget you aren't in the loop anymore. There's some important all day war meeting tomorrow. A lot of people are hoping it's the beginning of the end, since Ba Sing Se fell, and with the Avatar gone, but I get the feeling we're in for the long haul yet." 

Emaya finished her pile of vegetables distractedly after that, contemplating the significance of an impromptu war council. If Ikori noticed, she didn't say, and she gave her a quick hug when she finally took her leave.

She made her way back, her mind pre-occupied. Zuko hadn't mentioned a meeting, but then again, they weren't exactly on great terms right now, maybe he hadn't had a chance to talk about it? She hoped they were over it, though she thought she should probably apologize. 

He wasn't in the room when she got there, and she was too proud to ask if the guards knew where he'd gone, so she resolved to wait. She dug out her practice block and the tools she'd been given, and headed out to the balcony. 

The windchime Zuko had bought her already hung from the overhang, _clink-clunk_ ing in the breeze, and she smiled in spite of herself. When she looked out over the garden, she spotted the Prince cross-legged in the grass near the pond. He offered something to the turtleducks that greeted him, with a serious look on his face.

He seemed to feel her eyes on him, and glanced her way. She offered him a small wave, feeling silly, but he waved back and stood, brushing off his robes. She went back inside to wait for him, putting her things back neatly. She hadn't really been in the right mindset to carve anyway.

As soon as he entered the room, the awkward air from before tried to creep back between them. Emaya did her best to ignore it. 

"Hey." She said, lamely.

"Hey." He answered, just as stiffly. "Did you have a nice morning?" 

"I did, actually. I went to help Ikori in the kitchen, and we talked for a while." She chuckled. "It's weird. I didn't realize how much I would miss it." 

He made a non-committal noise. 

She forged on, trying to get them back to that tenuous friendship area they had forged before. "I think I'll help Chesu tomorrow, since you'll be busy all day. He'll start threatening to die again if I wait too long." 

He was nodding, distracted, but then stopped. "Wait, why am I busy tomorrow?"

Emaya felt her heart sink, she didn't like the implications of him not knowing, but she tried not to let her smile slip at all. "Ikori said there was a big meeting tomorrow with all the generals and stuff. I assumed you would, um, be there?"

Zuko frowned. "I guess I wasn't invited."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! My sister and baby are doing well, thank you to anyone that sent us good vibes. 
> 
> I couldn't find a satisfactory stopping point, so this chapter is a bit longer than usual. This fic is already way longer than I originally intended, and there's so much left to cover. We might hit 50k, idk.

Unable to accept the fact that he was to be excluded from what appeared to be an extremely important war council, Zuko went looking for answers. He should have known better than to ask Azula. 

He left his sister cackling in the royal spa. He should have expected he wouldn't get a straight answer out of her, even if he had to try. He didn’t have to be told that his omission was a message, but he couldn't decipher it. Half of him hoped his father wanted him there, even with the reminder of his last war meeting plastered on his face. The other half of him hoped he didn’t, for a myriad of obvious reasons. It all felt like a test he was bound to fail. What was worse, showing up when he wasn't wanted, or skipping it if he was?

*~*~*~*

He rushed through the halls. He'd lost track of time getting ready, and now he was horribly late. Well, he was horribly late if he was actually supposed to be there, but that remained to be seen. 

As he approached the doors to his Father's war room, he slowed to a much more dignified walk, and took a calming breath. The guards opened the doors and he strode purposely through them, trying to calm his racing heart. _It's fine. It won't be like last time. Things are different now. I'm different now._

Everyone in the room looked up at his interruption, his father, his sister, the generals, even the servers pouring tea. Zuko swallowed and bowed to his father respectfully. 

"I apologize for my lateness, Father." 

"Nonsense, my son. We would not have started without you. Come, sit."

The Fire Lord's words should have offered some relief, but they did not. The tension in his body would not leave him, and he felt like he couldn't get enough air. There was an extra seat for him, and Zuko walked towards it, fighting the niggling idea in the back of his head that insisted that something was _wrong_. The eyes of everyone gathered followed him across the room.

He stood, stiffly, before the table, the empty seat next to his father beckoning him. He cleared his throat.

"Is, uh, someone else missing?" He asked.

Azula clapped her hands like an excited child. "Let's test him now, Father."

Ozai regarded the hopeful look on her face. "Yes. That is best, I think." He made a sharp gesture towards the door.

The doors opened behind Zuko, and he spun around to see two guards dragging Emaya into the room. She was wearing the yellow and cream dress from before, and she looked at him beseechingly.

"What is the meaning of this?" He demanded, his mouth going dry.

"Your loyalty to the Fire Nation must be tested." The Fire Lord declared, and the generals murmured their agreement around the table. 

"I don't understand." He said as the guards deposited Emaya in front of him. 

Azula grinned down at him. "You have to fuck her, dummy." She laughed, delighted.

Ozai looked at his daughter with pride before looking back down at Zuko, sweeping a hand in Emaya's direction. "Yes, prove your loyalty." Dread settled in Zuko as the murmurs of the people at the table grew louder and more insistent, like the flapping of many wings.

"That doesn't make any sense." He said, but his words were lost among the noise in the room. He looked at Emaya, and she had started unbuttoning her dress, nodding at him, "You have to, Prince Zuko, it's okay."

He turned back to his father, to object, but heard Emaya suddenly sob and cry out, "You said that it was different now!" When he turned back to face her, however, her face was a mask of calm, and she beckoned to him as she shrugged out of the dress. "It's okay, I understand." 

He averted his eyes and took a step away from her before looking again at his father. "Father, please." 

"You promised!" Emaya screamed as soon as she left his sight, but she reached for him with a smile when he turned towards her once more. 

"Poor Zuzu," Azula's laughter echoed through the chamber, "he's in love with her." The generals laughed with her, and the noise of it filled the room.

Emaya approached him, clothed in flame and muttering calming platitudes like he was a spooked ostrich-horse. "I won't blame you. It's okay. You can't defy your father. I understand." 

He ran towards the door, and she hurled venom as soon as he had turned away from her. "You said you'd keep me safe. How could you? You're just like them." 

He yanked open the door, but his Uncle stood there, offering him tea poured from a golden headdress. "You must embrace your destiny, Nephew." 

He jolted upright in bed, gasping and nearly headbutting Emaya, who'd been trying to wake him. He looked around wildly, fighting the residual adrenaline from his nightmare. The sun was cresting over the horizon, and Emaya looked at him worriedly. 

"Are you okay?" She asked.

He took a deep breath. "Yes, sorry, uh, nightmare." He got out of bed and all but ran from the room. He paused before disappearing into the bathroom, thinking.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emaya asked carefully. 

"No." He said flatly. "And I'm not going to that meeting."

*~*~*~*

He did, in fact, go to that meeting.

He'd washed and dressed, and come back into the room as if he dreaded it, jumping at nearly every move Emaya made. she asked him if he was okay, to which he said, "yes," and then she'd asked him again if he wanted to talk about it, which he answered with a resounding, "no." She left it alone.

Not long after that, there had been a messenger, informing him that his presence was indeed required. Zuko hurried to make himself presentable, trying not to obsess over the fact that he was going to be late, just like in his dream. 

Emaya was going to help Chesu in the garden, and Zuko struggled right before he left. He wanted to tell her something, to warn her that things might go badly, but he couldn't without sounding completely crazy, and it wouldn't do her any good anyway. If his father wanted her brought to that room today, she would be there.

 _Keep it together_ , he chided himself. _It was only a dream._

In the end, he needn't have worried. The meeting went better than he could have hoped (if you ignored all the talk of genocide, anyway), yet he still felt discontent. It was late when he found his way back to the room, and Emaya was already in bed, reading. She gave him a small encouraging smile when he entered. 

"How did it go?" She asked, trying valiantly to sound unworried.

He considered for a moment how to answer. "When I got to the meeting, everyone welcomed me. My father had saved me a seat. He wanted me next to him. I was _literally_ at his right hand."

Emaya bit her lip. "That sounds like it went well. You must be happy."

Zuko stared at a fixed point in the distance as he let his hair down out of his top knot. "During the meeting, I was the perfect prince. The son my father wanted." He looked down and closed his eyes, fighting the feeling of shame bubbling within him. "But I wasn't _me_."

Emaya slowly closed her book and got out of the bed. She went to him, gingerly taking his hands in hers. She didn't know what to say to that, and cursed the spirits for a number of reasons, not for the first time.

"I've been thinking about what you said," He said, eyes on their joined hands, "about me being a prisoner too. I didn't want to see it, but…" he sighed, "you're right. Even with my father accepting me, and having everything I had hoped for for the last three years, I couldn't bring myself to speak against him. Even as he planned to murder hundreds of thousands of people… I-- I'm a coward."

She hugged him, and it knocked him back a step, but he caught himself and put his arms around her carefully. 

"You are not a coward, Zuko." She stated, throwing out her rules for the moment and tucking her head under his chin. "You have to be one of the bravest people I know. He's supposed to protect you, both as a father, and as Fire Lord, but he's done nothing but _hurt_ you. I don't know how you can even stand to be in the same room as him. You are _not_ a coward."

He stood there, savoring this closeness before he ruined it. And he had to ruin it. He had to tell her what he was planning. The longer he’d sat in that meeting, the more obvious his only path had become.

"I have to leave." He whispered the admission into her hair, pulling her imperceptibly closer. She tensed, and he tried to explain. "I thought I had to be here, thought I had to have my dad's acceptance to do what's best for the Fire Nation, but I know better now. I can't stop him on my own, and I can't just stand by while he destroys entire nations." 

Her throat was tight, and she worried about what that would mean for her, but she nodded as she pulled away. He held onto her hands before she could go too far. 

He watched her, trying to figure out what was going on in her head and fight back everything he wanted to say. She quickly wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and inhaled sharply. "Tonight?"

He shook his head. "Tomorrow, during the invasion, when everyone is distracted."

She blanched. "Who are we invading?"

"Oh. No. The Avatar's friends have a small rebel force, they plan to attack during the eclipse. The sun will be totally blocked by the moon, which means no firebending until it passes." He saw the look of horror on her face. "It's okay, it only lasts a few minutes, and we're prepared for them. They won't get far, and even if they do make it to the Palace, there won't be anyone here. We started evac as soon as the meeting ended."

She couldn't help but notice that even as he talked about leaving, he said "we" and not "they." That felt telling. She wondered if he realized he was still counting himself among them. 

"Where will you go?" She asked, and then, before she could stop herself, added, "I don't understand how you leaving helps anyone." 

"I have to help make things right, Em, help restore balance. I can’t do anything with my father on the throne. I'm going to find the Avatar and" he chuckled humorlessly to himself, "restore my honor." 

"You said you killed the Avatar." It wasn't quite an accusation.

"If he had died, I… would have been responsible for his death, but I believe he's alive. He has a very skilled healer and more luck than any one person deserves. I am going to teach him firebending, so he can defeat my father. I think that's what I've been meant to do this whole time."

She only nodded again, not trusting herself to speak. He was talking about _treason_. She should be terrified, or appalled, or maybe even hopeful and glad, but she was just… hurt. Maybe that was selfish, considering the fate of their whole world was at stake, but she couldn't get past the fact that he was leaving her. She'd known this was coming, she'd tried so hard to be careful and distant, and none of it had mattered. She wondered if their separation would have hurt less as a decree from the Fire Lord and not a decision from Zuko.

"What should I tell them?" She murmured, resigned.

"What?" 

"They're not going to believe that I don't know anything. What should I tell them?"

He looked at her, appalled. "I'm not leaving you here."

"Oh." She said, a small flicker of hope bloomed in her, and she hated it.

"It would be too dangerous for you to stay... I'm sorry, I know you've lost so much already, but I can get you out of Caldera, and find you somewhere safe to stay." The words cut him even as he said them. It would be best for her, and if he was honest with himself, it was probably what she wanted. But Agni, it wasn't what he wanted.

"Oh." The tiny flicker of hope disappeared. "Right."

She sounded so resigned that Zuko could have convinced himself that she wanted to stay with him. He shook his head and sat heavily on the bed. He grit his teeth against the words that sat on his tongue. He didn't want to leave her somewhere safe. He didn't want to lose her companionship-- even if they never got to be more than friends-- he didn't want to be alone again. "Tell me not to be selfish." He murmured.

"What?" She wasn't sure she'd heard him correctly.

"Tell me not to be selfish." He didn't look at her, afraid of what he might see written on her face."I need you to tell me to grow up and ignore the voice in my head that is screaming for me to ask you to come with me. Tell me that it's better if I take you somewhere safe and let you build a life without me in it. Tell me that keeping you around while I chase down the Avatar would be selfish and foolish and dangerous and I'd only be prolonging the inevitable."

Her heart slammed inside her chest as her mind whirled. She should. She should tell him to leave her in a remote village with some supplies and a little money. She should tell him that his destiny far outweighed hers and it was unfair to both of them to keep pretending that there could ever be more to them than this. Whatever _this_ was, but...

"I don't think I want to tell you any of those things." She sat down next to him.

"You don't?" He stole a glance at her face.

"Maybe it is selfish, but I--" she could feel his eyes on her when she hesitated. "I'm not--" she hugged herself, and tried again. "I'm not ready to say goodbye to you again."

"But you want to come with me? I thought-- You made it pretty clear you wanted space."

"Look, I was just trying to save myself a little heartache, you know? But I'm pretty certain that ship has sailed." She gave him a sad smile. "If I'm gonna hurt anyway, I may as well get an adventure out of it, right?"

"That's... fair, I suppose."

"In the spirit of being selfish and making bad decisions, what if--" She bit her lip, and her pulse quickened. What was she doing? He stilled, waiting for her to finish her thought. "Maybe we could pretend, for a minute, that we're not a Prince and a kitchen maid, maybe we could imagine that we're just… regular people?"

He scoffed a little, amused. "You want me to be Lee from the tea shop?"

"If you want. I'll be me still, I just don't work in the palace. Maybe I'm an apprentice Woodsmith."

"Okay." He said, drawing out the word and raising an eyebrow. "Now what?"

"Well, we meet, probably at your tea house, and you're handsome but oblivious so eventually, I ask you out on a date." She paused and turned to him expectantly, but he didn't say anything. "Do you say yes?"

"I- Yes?" He asked, bewildered.

She nodded. "So we go on the date-- the details aren't important-- but we have a really good time, and I like you a lot so I let you walk me home. What do you do?"

His eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I… I don't understand the point of this exercise." 

She huffed. "I'm trying to be selfish and make bad decisions here, _Lee_. Are you going to kiss me, or not?"

"Is that an option? Yes. I kiss you." 

"Okay. Do it then." She leaned into him.

"What, for real?"

"Yes!" 

He moved towards her too slowly, so she met him halfway, and sealed their lips together in a simple, lingering kiss. 

Zuko stared at her, breathless. "You are weird, this doesn’t make any sense, and…" His heart was pounding. "And I ask you out on a second date."

She laughed softly. “It is a little weird, but it _does_ make sense. For me, liking Prince Zuko is messy, and kissing Prince Zuko is complicated, and I want for it to not be those things for once… even if it is only for pretend.” She was blushing, but she met his eyes, and he couldn’t argue with what he saw there.

“Okay.” He paused, then fought a smile. He knocked her shoulder with his own. “So, about that second date?” Even though he knew it wasn’t real, his stomach fluttered nervously. 

She grinned. “Why, yes, Lee, I’d love to go out again.”

His chest filled with warmth. “I, uh, I kiss you again?”

“Now you’re getting it.”

He didn't wait for her this time. He cupped her face and pulled her to him, kissing her earnestly, the way he'd been wanting to for days. She made a satisfied sound, and he thrilled. 

His inner fire seemed to brighten with every kiss and touch they shared. She pushed him back onto the pillows, and it writhed within him, fanning the flames of his desire. Or maybe his desire was stoking his inner flame. It didn't matter. 

Zuko kept waiting for her to pull away and say the game was over, but she didn't. She fought with his robes instead, and the implications of that had him fighting for control. He put his hands over hers where they were fisted in the fabric of his clothes until she stilled. She pulled back a fraction to study his face. 

"Em," he breathed, smoothing his thumb over the skin of her hand, "how far do you want this to go?"

"Oh, um." She could feel the heat fill her cheeks. "Probably not... _that_ far, I just, um, I want to touch you?"

He was going to die, he was sure of it. Agni, did she know what those words were doing to him? He studied her face, and even in the low light of his room, he could see her blush. He wasn't about to deny her.

"O-okay." He pushed himself up enough so that he could loosen his sash and open the front of his robes. Emaya let out a sharp huff of breath when he shrugged out of the sleeves, letting the fabric pool at his waist. 

She reached forward, hesitantly, and let her fingers run, feather light, along the line of his clavicle and down his sternum. Goosebumps chased her touch, and he shivered. She pulled her hand back sheepishly. "Sorry."

He shook his head and leaned in to kiss her, breathing a quick, "It's good," before claiming her lips again. Her hands mapped the planes of his chest almost hungrily after that, and his inner fire seemed to race her touch, heating his skin so that her hands felt cool against it. He tried to keep it in check, and vaguely wondered if all Firebenders struggled this way, or if his control was just way worse than he'd thought. 

He kissed along her jaw, and sucked a small mark beneath her ear, making her gasp and press against him. He groaned, sure that the fire inside him would consume him. 

"You're hot." She said, running her hands along his ribs. 

"You're beautiful." He said in return.

She giggled. "No-- well, yes, and thank you, but I meant your skin. It's hot. Are you okay?" 

"Oh." He blushed. "I think it's just a side effect of-- ah!-- being a firebender and kissing you." She'd nipped his earlobe.

"Should we stop?" 

"If you want to." He said reluctantly.

"Me?" She chuckled. "You're the one overheating. Are you going to spontaneously combust?"

He shrugged. "That's a risk I am willing to take."

She kissed him again, but softer. He might be willing to die a fiery death, but she liked him alive. After a time, they let the kisses become lazier, and she snuggled against him, laying her head on his chest. 

"Em?" He whispered into the dark. "Are we still making poor choices?"

She smiled. "I suppose so."

"Can we..." he paused, embarrassed.

She lifted her head to see his face. "Hmm?"

"Can we stay like this? For tonight?" He avoided her eyes. He hated how needy it sounded, but the thought of her moving to the other side of the bed after having her so close physically hurt him.

She snuggled back into him and tried to stifle a yawn. "I think we can do that."


	13. Chapter 13

It had taken him much longer to fall asleep than it had her. He'd had to spend many minutes just trying to cool the heat in his veins, and quiet the wanting in other parts of his body. Afterwards, he'd lain there for quite some time, trying to come to terms with the likelihood of never holding her this way again. Eventually, his mind shied away from that and he focused instead on planning their escape, before he finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

As the sun pulled him to wakefulness, he realized two things. The first thing being that Emaya had not moved away from him at all in the night, and in fact was pressed flush against him, so that her back was against his chest, their legs tangled. The second thing he realized was that his body was both well aware of their position, and extremely happy about it. 

He hoped she wouldn't wake in the next few minutes, because his, ahem, _situation_ was painfully obvious. He tried valiantly to think of something else, but nothing seemed to do the trick. Out of options, he begrudgingly made himself remember the time he'd found his uncle relaxing naked in a natural spring. He'd never thought he would willingly remember that, but desperate times, desperate measures.

Once he had better control of his body, he allowed himself exactly one minute to enjoy the feel of her wrapped in his arms, and to try to burn it into his memory before he gently shook her shoulder.

"Mnnph." She groaned and turned in his arms, burrowing closer to his warmth, her face pressed against his chest.

He chuckled. "Em, we have to get up."

"No." She grumbled against his skin. "It's not morning yet."

"The sun begs to differ."

She glared up at him, bleary eyed. "Well _the sun_ can make an appointment. For later. When it's _actually_ morning." 

He laughed and kissed her without thinking. She broke it quickly and pulled away from him, sitting up. He looked away. "Right. Sorry."

"It's…" She cleared her throat and changed the subject. "Okay, so. Escape. What's the plan?"

"Well, technically, as my, um…" he searched for the least offensive way to say it, "...courtesan?" She rolled her eyes at him. "You're expected to shelter with the lesser nobles, but I am going to tell anyone that asks that you are helping to evac the kitchen staff. And that's what you will be doing, at first, anyway.

"Pack whatever you'll need, but keep it to one bag that you can run with. Then go to the kitchens and help where you can. Is your secret still a secret? No one else knows about it?"

"I think so."

"Good. As soon as you have the opportunity to do so without being seen, hide inside there and wait for me. If everything goes the way it should, we should be on our way immediately after the eclipse. It's not until later afternoon, so you might have a bit of a wait."

"What will you be doing?"

He responded cryptically, "I have some things I need to be seen doing, to avoid suspicion, and some things I need to not be seen doing." 

"That answer doesn't instill me with great confidence." She said dryly.

He ignored the quip, and took her hands in his. "Listen to me. No matter what happens, no matter what you hear or don't hear, _do not_ come out of there. I know how to work the door, I will open it when it's safe. The Avatar's group wouldn't hurt you, unless you tried to hurt them first, but I can't say the same of the rest of them, and they have good reason to hate us. Please stay safe."

She swallowed, suddenly afraid for him. "Don't worry about me, worry about yourself. You're the one walking around a hornet-toads nest. Don't you go getting hurt or killed or something."

He frowned. "I'll be fine."

*~*~*~*

Once they were dressed and had packed, they stood hesitantly together by the door. Zuko turned to her to say something, but the words died in his throat when she looked up at him. 

_Last chance to back out._ He thought. The memory of her hands on him flashed to the front of his mind. _I could stay,_ he thought wistfully, _I could find a way to keep her,_ but he knew that wasn't what she wanted, and it wasn't what he was meant to do. 

"You're not going to leave me behind, are you?" She asked softly.

"What?" He asked, offended. "Never."

She narrowed her eyes. "Then why do you look like you are trying to find a way to say goodbye?"

"No, it's…" _Well, maybe I am._ Once they left, nothing would be standing in her way, she'd be free to leave him, whenever she wished. But really, he'd been thinking something else entirely. "I was… trying to decide if I should be selfish for a minute. Like last night."

"Oh." She dropped her eyes. He took that as a no, and cleared his throat to change the subject, but she stepped closer. "One last time?" She offered. 

His heart contracted at that thought, but he nodded in agreement. He hooked a finger beneath her chin and gently tilted her face up. He hesitated, running his thumb slowly along her jaw until it caught on her bottom lip. Her eyes fluttered closed of their own accord. 

He took his time, slotting his lips with hers, trying to make it last. Compared to last night, it was simple and chaste, but it felt more significant, somehow, than any kiss they'd shared before. When they broke apart, he lingered in her space, resting his forehead against hers. She let out a shuddering breath, and he swallowed against the despair. 

Stop it. He chided himself. It wasn't as if she wasn't coming with him. She wanted to come with him. Things could be worse. 

"Okay." He breathed, but couldn't quite bring himself to move away. He took a deep breath and nodding imperceptibly, he tried again. "Okay." He stepped back. "Ready?" She nodded. 

They went their separate ways without another word. There wasn't anything else they'd allow themselves to say, anyway. 

As Emaya headed towards the kitchen, the palace seemed empty already. The silence felt thick and ominous around her, but she breathed a sigh of relief when she came to the kitchen, which was a riot of motion, as always. 

She weaved between bodies and slipped into the pantry, dropping her bag into one of the giant stock pots near the secret alcove. When she came back out, she glanced around until she spotted Ikori. The woman's hair was falling out of her usually neat bun, and she had dark circles under her eyes. Emaya guessed that she had probably been up all night, directing the evacuation. 

Ikori turned a frazzled look on Emaya, and raised an eyebrow. Emaya shrugged. "You look like you could use some help." Ikori smiled.

Despite the way it looked at first glance, the kitchen was already mostly cleared out. They were cleaning up the breakfast mess and sending the last of the supplies down to the catacombs. Emaya surreptitiously snagged and stashed supplies where she could. 

After a few hours, the kitchen was empty of everything and everybody, except Ikori and Emaya. They left the kitchen together, Ikori closing the door behind them. Ikori turned to her and smiled, exhausted. 

"Thank you. Are you coming with us then?"

"No. I wanted to help, but the Prince expects me, um, elsewhere. I told him I'd head there when finished." 

"I see." Ikori said, and Emaya fidgeted, worried what she knew or at least what she suspected. "You stay safe then." She said before giving Emaya a quick squeeze. 

"I will." 

They went separate ways, Emaya slowing, stopping, and then backtracking when Ikori rounded a corner out of sight. She slipped back into the kitchen, and collected the food she had stashed before heading to the pantry. She put everything into her bag, and then crouched down to push the stone that worked the door. 

The alcove was dusty from disuse, but she climbed into it and felt along the wall until she found the button that worked the stone door. She settled onto the floor to wait, digging into her bag, feeling around until she found her tools and sharpening stone. She pulled out one of the wider chisels and experimented, trying to see if she could sharpen it in the near pitch black of the small room. She wished she'd have thought to pack a candle, but it hadn't seemed necessary when she'd be traveling with a firebender.

 _This is not working._ She thought with a sigh, and felt around for her bag to put her things away. She could sit quietly in the dark for a few hours, right? She sighed again. 

_Tik-tik._

The sound startled her, and she stopped. The kitchen should be empty.

_Tik-tik._

That one seemed closer, but maybe it was a normal empty palace noise? 

_Tik-tik._

Okay, that one was much closer. She held her breath.

_Tok-tok._

Someone was tapping on the wall, and that last tap had been right on the other side of the stone door. She knew they had found her. She didn't know who they were, or if they were even looking for _her_ , but there was no hiding how hollow that last tap had been. They still had to figure out how to work the door, of course, but she doubted it would take the few hours left before Zuko came back for her. 

Before she could decide what to do, the door crumbled to pieces, and she stared at it uncomprehending, coughing on the dust it kicked up. A man stood in the doorway in long green robes. 

_Earthbenders?_ She thought. _How could they be in the palace already?_

"Found you." He sneered, reaching for her.

Zuko's warning about other nations having good reason to hate them rang in her head, and she tensed. Out of reflex, with her chisel still clenched tightly in her fist, she stabbed at the outstretched hand, and the wide, curved blade stuck into his palm. 

He recoiled in surprise, cursing and pulling the tool from his hand before tossing it aside. Emaya pushed past him, scrambling over the ruined door, but the rubble reached up and wrapped around her ankles, and she fell hard to the stone floor, her breath whooshing out of her lungs. 

She gasped, and scrambled, and gasped some more. Another earthbender in long robes stood in the pantry doorway, and she was trapped. She struggled to sit upright, and then to back away as the second one advanced. She kicked out at him clumsily with her bound legs, but he knocked them aside and hauled her into a standing position. More of the ruined door wrapped itself around her wrists and hands. 

Even though the logical part of her brain knew it was over, the survival part of her brain was not okay with that. When the first man came up behind her, she swung around as best as she could, throwing all of her weight into the force of it. Her rock covered hands caught him in the face, and he staggered backwards, blood pouring from his nose. Unable to stop her momentum, she fell to the floor

His face looked murderous, and he backhanded her. He made to hit her again, but the second man stopped him. "We're not supposed to hurt her, just take her in." 

"Easy for you to say." He bit out, gesturing at his face with a bloody hand before grabbing her bag off the floor.

The uninjured man sneered down at her. "Sorry for the intrusion, but the Princess requires an audience. Probably best if you behave." She froze. _Azula_ had sent them? The fact that Azula had earthbenders behind her was terrifying, but it did explain how they knew to look for Emaya. 

He bent down and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder. In a panic, she struggled against him, sliding down his front, but he held her firm. A flash of skin at his collar had her turning, and she bit into his neck as hard as she could. He yelped and dropped her. She tasted blood.

He looked at her appalled, gingerly touching the teeth marks in his skin. Feeling braver than warranted, he grinned up at him with bloody teeth and then spit in his direction. 

"I told you." The first one said, and with a small motion, her mouth was covered in smooth stone as well. 

She was hefted back over a shoulder, and not kindly. She hissed muffled curses and threats against the rock, but they paid her no mind. They made no attempt at stealth, and strode through the empty corridors with purpose. She fell silent when they left the palace, blinking in the sunlight. The promenade was deserted, with no one around to wonder or care why two earthbenders were abducting a citizen of the fire nation. 

Emaya wondered where they were taking her, and if she had enough luck to bother hoping that they would stumble across Zuko. 

_Zuko_. Her stomach dropped. What would he do when he saw the ruined door of her hiding spot? What would he think happened? Would he assume it had been enemy earthbenders, or did he know that Azula had some on call?

They finally came upon a tall building with a rounded front that Emaya had never been to before. Once they were inside, she realized it was a prison. They passed a few empty cells, and went up some stairs before she was deposited unceremoniously onto the floor at Azula's feet. 

The Princess smiled down at Emaya, who glared up at her in return. "So glad you could fit me into your busy schedule." Her eyes flicked to the bleeding earthbenders behind Emaya. "I see you've… acquainted yourself with some of my Dai Li."

The two men behind her shuffled uncomfortably. "She was u-uncooperative, your highness."

"Well, you managed, at least." She regarded them with disdain before she turned her gaze on Emaya. "I'm sorry to say, but you and Zuzu are going to have to postpone your vacation." She scoffed at Emaya's confused look. "Don't play coy. I know all about your inane plan to run away together. My brother is so predictable that it hurts sometimes. He's no fun at all."

She smirked. "My father thinks _he's_ the clever one, but he'd have never thought of it on his own. He just doesn't know Zuzu the way that I do. I knew he was having second thoughts before we even made it home, you see, and believe it or not, I don't relish the thought of my brother dying from his own naivety, so I needed a way to keep him invested in the Fire Nation's interests."

Emaya made a noise against her gag that was half insult, half question.

Azula laughed. "Of course it was me. My father liked the idea well enough, but he thought just any whore would do." She rolled her eyes. "You and I both know poor Zuzu has too many romantic notions to fall for someone just because they're _available_ , and anyway, he's too dour to woo anyone... even if we did pay them. 

"I remembered you, though. How you sunk your scheming claws into him so easily, with your 'poor me, I've been punished' act, manipulating him into crying to mom about it until she had the man fired. Zuko's always fancied himself a hero. It was impressive, really, how quickly you enthralled him. I remembered how he pined for _months_ after father put an end to it.

"Took you long enough to fuck him though. I thought for sure you'd jump at another chance to weasel your way up the food chain." She looked contemplative. "I assumed he picked up some screwed notion of chivalry from our uncle. Did you have to convince him that he loved you first?"

She looked at Emaya as if she expected an answer, but Emaya wouldn't have known what to say even if she could talk. She was still trying to process how wrongly Azula had interpreted their relationship. Was it really so hard to believe they had just been drawn to one another? 

Azula might have known about their plan to escape, but she seemed to think they had actually had sex, so she guessed that was something. Especially since it meant that Azula wasn't as infallible as she thought she was.

"Oh well." The Princess continued. "However you did it, you did a hell of a job. Zuko is all sorts of sentimental about you now. The real test was whether he tried to take you with him when he left, of course, and here we are. Now that I have you, he'll stay, and he'll do whatever I tell him to, to keep you safe." She motioned for the Dai Li to move her into an unoccupied cell, and they handled her roughly. 

Azula laughed. "Gently, boys. She may be carrying precious cargo, you know." She rolled her eyes at Emaya's look of shock. "You can't possibly think no one would notice. _Some_ one hasn't been drinking her tea in the mornings." She sing-songed. "It's not very original, trying to cement your place with a bastard, but I should tell you, it wouldn't have worked. My father would have had it killed. Thrown over the fence, like he wanted to do with my brother, most likely.

"Not the route I'd take, mind you. I think a baby would be _such_ a blessing. Zuko might be sentimental about you, but he'd be absolutely _worthless_ over a baby. Daddy issues, you know." 

The cell door slammed closed, and the rocks fell away from her face and body. Azula turned to the Dai Li, "I want her moved as soon as the eclipse has ended. Somewhere a little more… personal."

"Yes, Princess." They intoned, and Azula left, boots clacking on the stone floor.

Emaya took deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm her mind and her heart. Muted sounds of explosions began filtering in from outside. She took heart in how much Azula had gotten wrong about her and Zuko. She prayed to Agni that Azula was wrong about one other thing. 

_Don't stay. Don't look for me. Just go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. This chapter is a bit shorter, and the beginning follows the show pretty closely, which I try not to do, but it's such and important part of Zuko's story, it's hard to leave out. It isn't exact, I definitely had to tweak some of the dialogue, but it's pretty close. 
> 
> I'm really struggling with the next couple chapters... pacing and timelines and stuff like that, but hopefully can get the next one up in a few days. <3

Zuko stood outside the chamber that his father hid in, feeling for his inner fire. As the moon moved to block the sun, it felt almost as if someone had put his fire into a jar and slowly tightened the lid. He could tell it was there, but he was cut off from it. It had to be now.

"I'm ready to face you."

He pushed open the door, revealing his father sitting calmly upon a dais, drinking tea and surrounded by a squadron of royal guards.

"Prince Zuko. What are you doing here?"

Zuko squared his shoulders. "I am here to tell the truth."

"Telling the truth during the middle of an eclipse." He said, as if bored, and motioned for the soldiers to leave. They filed out immediately. "This should be interesting."

He knew he didn't have a ton of time, so he jumped right in. "First of all, in Ba Sing Se, it was Azula who took down the Avatar, not me."

"Why would she lie to me about that?"

"Because the Avatar's not dead. He survived."

"What?!"

The look of shock and horror on his father's face was strangely gratifying. "In fact, he's probably leading this invasion. He could be on his way here right now."

The Fire Lord rose and pointed at the door. "Get out! Get out of my sight right now if you know what's good for you!"

"That's another thing. I'm not taking orders from you anymore." Something loosened in his chest.

"You will obey me," he raged, "or this defiant breath will be your last!"

His father's threat fell flat, and he pulled out his swords, exhilarated. "Think again. I am going to speak my mind, and you are going to listen." His father sat down, unable to do anything while the eclipse raged, and Zuko felt lighter than he had in years.

"For so long, all I wanted was for you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. My father, who challenged me, a thirteen-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. How could you possibly justify a duel with a child?"

"It was to teach you respect!"

"It was cruel! And it was wrong."

"Then you have learned nothing!" His father spat.

"No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness."

The Fire Lord laughed at that. "Your uncle has gotten to you, hasn't he?"

"Yes." Zuko smiled. "He has. After I leave here today, I'm gonna free Uncle Iroh from his prison and I'm gonna beg for his forgiveness. He's the one who's been a real father to me."

He laughed again. "Oh, that's just beautiful. And maybe he can pass down to you the ways of tea and failure."

Zuko ignored him. "But I've come to an even more important decision." He closed his eyes and took a breath, "I'm going to join the Avatar and I'm going to help him defeat you."

"Really?" He asked mockingly. "You'd leave your whore behind?"

" _Emaya_ is coming with me." He stressed her name.

"We already have her, you fool." The Fire Lord sneered down at him. "And she will be the one to suffer for your treason."

"You're lying." 

Ozai laughed at him. "Once again, you underestimate your sister. Well, since you're a full-blown traitor now and you want me gone, why wait? I'm powerless. You've got your swords. Why don't you just do it now?"

"Because I know my own destiny. Taking you down is the Avatar's destiny." He slid his swords back into their sheath. "Goodbye." He turned away from his father, and it felt good.

"Coward! You think you're brave enough to face me, but you'll only do it during the eclipse. If you have any real courage, you'll stick around until the sun comes out. Don't you want to know what happened to your mother?"

Zuko stopped. He could feel the lid on the jar that held his inner flame slowly unscrewing, but he _had_ to know. He turned back to Ozai. "What happened that night?"

"My father, Fire Lord Azulon, had commanded me to do the unthinkable to you, my own son, and I was going to do it. Your mother found out and swore she would protect you at any cost. She knew I wanted the throne and she proposed a plan, a plan in which I would become Fire Lord and your life would be spared.

"Your mother did vicious, treasonous things that night. She knew the consequences and accepted them. For her treason, she was banished."

"So she's alive." Zuko said, thinking of all the possible places she could be. He'd traveled the world looking for the avatar, how close had he come?

"Perhaps. Now I realize that banishment is far too merciful a penalty for treason. Your penalty will be far steeper."

Zuko felt the exact moment his inner fire sprang back into his reach, and immediately assumed the correct position to accept the lightning his father shot at him. He slid across the floor from the force of it, then sent it back towards his father, not bothering to see whether it struck true, and fled. 

*~*~*~*

He ran back towards the palace, trying to quell the fear that his father had been telling the truth about Emaya. She would be fine, even if they _had_ known that he was planning on leaving (and he thought his father had been too shocked for that to be the case), they wouldn't have known where to find her. Unless they had taken her before she'd had a chance to hide.

He ran faster. 

War balloons were quickly filling up in the distance, and there were sounds of battle drifting from the direction of the coast, but he ignored it all. The palace was silent when he entered it, and he threw himself down the halls. He stopped outside the kitchen and caught his breath before slipping inside. 

It was dark, the ever present fires had been put out, and the lanterns doused, so he carried a flame in his hand. He made his way to the pantry, and pushed open the door. He saw the ruined stone door of the alcove, and his heart dropped into his stomach. 

The Dai Li must have been watching her all morning. Zuko kicked a basket into the air and burned it in a flash of rage. He took a few steps into the room, and a flash of silver caught his eye. He recognized Emaya's chisel and picked it up. He wiped off the blood, and noticed a couple splatters along the floor. He genuinely hoped it wasn't hers. His entire plan was crumbling beneath him.

He took two steadying breaths. He could still get his uncle out, and Iroh might even have an idea about where Azula could have stashed Emaya. The two of them together had much better odds of finding her and making it out than Zuko on his own. He had to keep his head. 

He pocketed the chisel, and started running. By the time he made it back outside, the airships were taking off. He hoped the Avatar and his little gang had brought every ounce of pain in the ass that they'd always had whenever Zuko encountered them. He needed more time.

He passed more than one unconscious guard on his way into the prison, but didn't slow. _Did the invasion really make it this far?_

"Uncle!" He cried as he turned the corner. He came to a stop outside his Uncle's cell door and stared uncomprehendingly at the ruined and twisted metal. For a moment, he wondered wildly if Azula had taken him as well, but she wouldn't have needed to destroy the door to do it.

He turned on a dazed guard and grabbed him by the collar. "Where is my uncle?"

The guard looked terrified. "He's gone. He busted himself out. I've never seen anything like it, he was like a one-man army!"

He didn't know if he should be relieved or disappointed. If anyone could single-handedly escape the Fire Nation unscathed, it was his uncle. But, that meant Zuko was on his own, and on his own, his chances of finding Emaya and getting them both out safely were non-existant. _Emaya._

He grabbed the guard again. "Has my sister brought anyone in today?"

"N-not that I've seen, but--"

"What about the Dai Li?"

"Th-the what, my Prince?"

Zuko shook him. "The Dai Li. Azula's pet earthbenders. Long robes, stupid hats, the _Dai Li_."

"No, Prince Zuko."

He tsked and let the man fall before turning and leaving the way he'd come. 

Outside, the sounds of battle had turned to the sound of retreat, and Zuko winced at the sight of the bombs falling from the giant airships. He'd argued against those, as much as he'd dared. There was no way to be sure Fire Nation troops were clear before they fell. They would all be taking losses today. 

Again he ran, this time to the empty airship field. Well, nearly empty. A single war balloon sat unused. He scoffed, at least one part of his plan had worked today. He hopped into the boatlike bottom and double checked that the bag he'd stashed there this morning was still there. 

A sign hung on the door of the furnace, " _Unsafe. In need of maintenance. DO NOT USE_." He tore it off and threw it to the ground, yanking open the metal door and shooting a constant jet of flame into it. 

Slowly, too slowly, the cloth of the balloon began to inflate. 

He tried to focus on the filling balloon, on the heat of the furnace, on the very real danger of being discovered before he could get off the ground, but nothing could distract him from the reality of what he was doing.

_"You're not going to leave me behind, are you?"_

_"What? Never."_

The memory of their conversation this morning came unbidden, and it cut deeply. He was breaking that promise, and the one he'd made before, when he swore to protect her. The fire streaming out of his hand nearly doubled in his rage at himself. He was sacrificing her, leaving her to suffer for his treason. And for what? For his stupid, terrible country-- his country that _hated_ him-- and they didn't even deserve her.

He knew that was unfair. The people of the Fire Nation hadn't asked for this war, and they weren't the ones that had him leaving everything behind, once again, to chase the Avatar. 

He realized all at once that the balloon was full and straining against the ropes that tied it. He closed the furnace door, and hesitated. He looked back towards the palace. His heart ached, and he felt sick. For a minute, he was selfish. He imagined getting out of the balloon and sneaking into the palace. Hiding in plain sight until he learned where they were keeping her, and then fighting his way there. Or maybe he could offer himself in her place? Not that he could trust his Father not to kill her as soon as he was in custody.

The tell-tale shadow of a skybison crossed his face and broke him from the daydream. He was out of time. 

He cut the ropes, and the balloon jerked before it rose smoothly into the sky. He watched the palace shrink away below him. _I'm sorry._

He caught sight of the Avatar's skybison just as it disappeared into the clouds. _No matter._ He thought, and angled the war balloon west after them. He'd find them. He was good at that, at least.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep thinking, "only 2-3 more chapters, and it will be done," but then I write 2-3 more chapters, and the ending is still 2-3 chapters away.

When it had become clear to Zuko where the Avatar and his friends were heading, he'd gone around and ahead. He was faster in the air than they were on foot, so he landed the balloon in a small clearing some ways away from the lip of the canyon that held the western air temple. He'd climbed down to the temple ahead of them, only to be bombarded by memories of his early banishment and then promptly chickened out when they'd arrived. 

For now, he was back at his campsite, such as it was, trying to pluck up some courage and figure out what in Agni's name he was supposed to say to them. He'd conveniently skipped over this part when he'd been coming up with his whole "join the Avatar" plan. Making friends wasn't exactly his forte.

Everything he tried out sounded forced or awkward or disingenuous. Even the badgerfrog bearing witness to his attempts seemed to think it was a lost cause. He wished his uncle were there, and wondered what he would say, but his uncle always spoke in metaphors and riddles, so he wasn't helpful even in Zuko's imagination. 

He wished Emaya were there too, and wondered what she would say. She'd probably laugh and tell him he'd have a better chance of making friends if he stopped frowning. He sighed and looked at the badgerfrog silently judging him. 

"Time to swallow my pride, I guess." 

He left his weapons and everything else behind at his camp. He wanted to look as non-threatening as possible… not that they wouldn't find his presence alone threatening. He sighed, but kept walking. As long as he kept his anger in check, as long as he was honest, it would be fine, right? 

As it turned out, it had not been fine. He sulked as he plodded, soaking wet, back to his campsite. Somehow, it had gone from "Hello, Zuko here," to a water whip to the face in a matter of minutes. He was still trying to process where it had all gone wrong. He could heat his clothes and dry them, but he felt it appropriate for this walk of shame. 

He cringed as he relived some of the more unpleasant parts of the conversation. He'd really been counting on the Avatar's previous offer of friendship and willingness to forgive-- not to mention his need for a firebender teacher-- to outweigh any mistrust they had in him, but he'd miscalculated. He'd even offered to be their prisoner, which he thought was a pretty good compromise, but they'd acted like was a ridiculous notion. 

Would they leave now that he'd revealed himself? Would he have to chase them around the world again? Stay close enough that they knew he's there, but far enough away that he'd not be an immediate threat? Until what, they get tired of running and run out of options? 

He made it back to his camp and flopped down on the grass. "Uggh! I can't believe how stupid I am! I mean, what was I thinking? Telling them I sent an assassin after them? Stupid!" 

Maybe he should have stayed in the Fire Nation and tried to find Emaya. This would be so much easier if she were here, she would just smile and use some words, and they'd understand. Well, maybe it wouldn't have been _that_ easy for her, but it definitely would be simpler to convince them that he was good if he could believe it himself. If he didn't have so much guilt about leaving her on top of everything else.

Eventually, common sense won out, and he warmed his clothes until they were dry. He made a small campfire, and didn't bother to keep it small. He wanted them to be able to find him, if by some miracle they changed their minds. He used the deflated cloth of the war balloon draped over some branches as a tent, and lay beneath it with a simple blanket. It wasn't quite full dark yet, but he didn't have much else to do, and he wanted his brain to shut up for a while. At some point, he fell into a restless sleep full of dreams of fruitless searching and reckless fleeing.

If someone had asked him earlier that day, Zuko would have said that there wasn't much of anything he could do to make the Avatar and his friends like him any less. He'd have said that nothing he did now could be worse than what he'd already put them through. But that would have been before he burned one of them. Like an idiot.

 _Why_ was he so bad at this? 

He hadn't meant to do it, of course, but he knew none of them would believe that, given his history. He'd been half asleep, disoriented from the nightmare he'd been having, and he had lashed out with his fire in a paranoid reflex. Still, he should have had more control. She was just a kid, probably coming to talk to him about his offer to teach the Avatar, and he'd _burned_ her. 

Unable to sleep for the guilt, he spent the rest of the night trying to decide what to do. As the sun crested over the horizon, Zuko made his way back towards the temple, going over and over what he was going to say. 

"I'm sorry I burned you, it was an accident. My offer to teach the Avatar still stands, but I won't bother you anymore. I'm camped up on the bluff, and--"

Movement on the rocks ahead of him startled him out of his mantra. There was a glint of sunlight on metal, and Zuko's stomach dropped. _Fuck._ The assassin he'd hired was ahead of him, moving quickly, trying to get a line of sight on the Avatar's encampment. Zuko started running.

Zuko slammed into him just as he fired off a shot. "Stop! I don't want you hunting the Avatar anymore!" He placed himself between them. "The mission is off. I'm ordering you to stop."

The assassin ignored him, pushing him out of the way. Nothing Zuko did or said seemed to sway him, he even offered to pay him double. It wasn't until Zuko finally firebent at him that he deigned to take notice. The assassin turned his gaze on Zuko and shot a blast of exploding energy at the Prince. Zuko barely had enough time to throw up a wall of fire to protect himself, and then he was falling. 

For once in his life, luck was with him, and he was able to grab onto a dangling root before he plummeted to his death. He could hear explosions still ringing above him, and tried to pull himself up as quickly as he could.

He had to swing over to another vine, and nearly lost his grip as a tornado of air met with another violent blast of energy. He tried to focus on his climb, he had to get over that lip of stone to help. 

He couldn't help but to pause and watch the boomerang that came around the corner and slammed the assassin in the forehead before spinning back to the Water Tribe warrior's hand. Okay. That was impressive, he'd admit. Too bad the man Zuko hired was already getting back up, because of course he was. 

Zuko swung to another vine, and continued to climb. Another explosion rocked the canyon, and he was sure that the building he hung from was going to fall. By some miracle, it held, and when he looked, the building the assassin had stood on was crumbling into the abyss that stretched below him. 

He finally was able to climb up onto solid ground, his hands burning from the slip of the vines, but he was alive, at least. He made his way down to where the Avatar and his friends stood. He still needed to apologize, near death experience or no.

They watched him warily as he approached, and Zuko prepared himself for another rejection, but the Avatar surprised him.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but… Thanks, Zuko."

"Hey, what about me? I did the boomerang thing." The Water Tribe warrior practically pouted.

This was it, his chance to start making amends. "Listen, I know I didn't explain myself very well yesterday, I've been through a lot in the last few years, and it's been hard. But I'm realizing that I had to go through all those things to learn the truth. I thought I had lost my honor, and that somehow my father could return it to me. But I know now that no one can give you your honor. It's something you earn for yourself, by choosing to do what's right. All I want to do now is play my part in ending this war, and I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world."

He turned to the girl he had accidentally burned the night before, and bowed. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. It was an accident. Fire can be dangerous and wild, so as a firebender, I need to be more careful and control my bending, so I don't hurt people unintentionally." 

The Avatar surprised him again. "I think you _are_ supposed to be my firebending teacher." He went on to explain that he had hurt the waterbender, Katara, the first time he'd tried to learn, and that he hadn't wanted to firebend ever again. 

Zuko would have assumed that if the Avatar said Zuko was his teacher, that would be the end of it, but the boy had turned to his friends and asked for their opinion. It had honestly gone better than he would have guessed, but their distrust still stung. And, okay, it wasn't like he assumed they'd welcome him with open arms and braid flowers into his hair, but he hadn't known to expect this weird middle ground between unwelcome and barely tolerated.

When he'd returned with his things, the Water Tr-- _Sokka_ , he corrected, showed him to his new room. The interaction had left Zuko feeling cautiously optimistic. Maybe, with some time, they could all be friends after all? 

Of course, Katara had come by soon after, and had reminded him that he had a lot of work to do before he could earn their forgiveness. Which was really just a kind way of saying that she'd threatened his life if he stepped out of line. His shoulders slumped. 

*~*~*~*

The next morning, he woke up determined. This was his chance to show that he'd meant everything he said. That he wasn't the person they'd known anymore. That he was one hundred percent Team Avatar. 

Of course, it didn't pan out. Why did it never pan out? He'd pulled Aang aside for a lesson as soon as the kid had finished his breakfast, and then? Suddenly Zuko, Prince of the Fire Nation, can't produce anything bigger or hotter than a few sparks. He'd tried, over and over for hours until the Avatar grew bored.

Zuko spent the rest of the day in his room, meditating. The candles he lit as a focus brightened and dimmed with each of his breaths, but they didn't flare. He could feel his inner fire. It was there, it wasn't diminished in any way, and it bent to his will, just... not the way it used to. It felt just out of reach.

He knew he had to be honest with the group about it, but he didn't relish the idea. He found them sitting around a fire, enjoying a meal. For a moment, he watched them with envy. They were all so easy with each other. He sighed, and approached them.

"Listen everybody, I've got some pretty bad news. I've lost my stuff."

"Don't look at me," Toph said, folding her arms "I didn't touch your stuff."

"I meant my firebending." He said flatly. "It's gone."

Katara's laugh rang through the silence. "I'm sorry. I'm just laughing at the irony. You know, how it would've been nice for us if you lost your firebending a long time ago."

"Well, it's not lost, it's just… weaker for some reason."

"Maybe you're not as good as you think you are." Her smile was sickly sweet.

"Ouch." Toph muttered.

Zuko tried not to take it personally. "I bet it's because I changed sides."

Katara scoffed. "That's ridiculous." Then she narrowed her eyes. "And awfully convenient."

Aang looked between them, thoughtful. "I don't know. Maybe it isn't. Maybe your firebending comes from rage and you just don't have enough anger to fuel it the way you used to."

Sokka appeared to Zuko's left with a mischievous smile. "Sooo, all we have to do is make Zuko angry. Easy enough." He started poking Zuko repeatedly.

Zuko tried to be a good sport about it, which lasted exactly three seconds. "Okay, cut it out!" He ran a hand over his face, frustrated. "Look, even if you're right, I don't want to rely on hate and anger anymore. There has to be another way."

"You're gonna need to learn to draw your firebending from a different source." Toph offered.

"A different source?" He repeated.

"You used anger before," Aang said thoughtfully, "has anything else ever triggered your bending?"

Zuko thought about it. "Not that I--" A memory itched at his mind. 

A soft laugh. _"Me? You're the one that's overheating."_ Lips on his. Hands on his chest. His inner fire blinding. 

"Um." He swallowed, shifted uncomfortably, and avoided making eye contact. "Nope." He felt their eyes on him. Why did he have to be so bad at lying?

"You don't even have to be blind to know that's a lie." Toph said flatly. 

"Is it just me, or is Zuko turning red?" Sokka stage whispered.

"What is it, Sifu Hotman?" Aang asked.

"Nothing. And don't call me that." He was absolutely not going to mention it. 

"Well, I can tell it's definitely not nothing." Toph said, suddenly delighted.

"Aaaand he's already lying." Katara muttered, rolling her eyes. "Shocker."

"No," Zuko tried, his face only growing more heated, "it's just, It's not… relevant to, um, this situation." Not to mention absolutely useless in a fight.

"If it's something that affects your bending, how is that not relevant?" Aang pressed.

"Secrets, Zuko?" Sokka joked, a hand to his chest as if wounded, "after all this time?" 

"Is he still blushing?" Toph asked.

"He's practically purple."

"I think he's--"

"It's kissing!" He blurted. "Are you happy? That's the only thing that ever affected my firebending, and since an opponent isn't going to hold on a second while you make out with someone, it's not helpful. I'm also not about to go around kissing any of you, so yeah, I'd say it's irrelevant!"

"Wait, which is it? Kissing or making out?" Sokka prodded.

"What difference does it make?" He groused.

Katara scoffed. "I find it hard to believe anyone would ever kiss _you_ willingly." 

"Katara." Aang said, disapproving.

Zuko did his best to brush off the barb, but it made him viscerally aware of his scar. "It's all right."

"It's not." Sokka glared at his sister. Katara relented, but didn't apologize.

Toph cleared her throat. "As interesting as Zuko's… theory sounds, I recommend the _original_ source."

The original source for firebending, of course, were the dragons. Which did Zuko no good at all, considering they were all dead. 

*~*~*~*

 _I should just be used to being wrong by now._ Zuko thought as he stared down a very large, very much _not dead_ dragon. He hadn't imagined that when he and Aang came here to try to learn about ancient firebending, they'd discover a "lost" civilization, let alone one that kept dragons. 

"Zuko, I think we're supposed to do the Dragon Dance with them." The Avatar whispered.

"What? What about this situation makes you think they want us to dance?" 

"Well, I think they want us to do _something_. Let's just try it."

Zuko sighed. "Fine."

They moved through the forms as one, the dragons circling. As they worked through the Dance, Zuko worried how they would judge him. His family was responsible for the dragon's decline, and for disrupting the balance for over 100 years. More than that, Zuko himself was responsible for more than one atrocity, and he couldn't see how the good he'd done so far could ever outweigh his past. 

The dance ended, and the dragons landed, snarling. Zuko braced for death. He was unprepared for what he received instead. A riot of color and light and heat wound around him and Aang. In it danced images that flickered by too fast to fully comprehend, but it was beautiful. He finally understood.

When he and Aang descended the stairs, and spoke with the chief of the Sun Warriors, he understood even more. His Uncle hadn't killed the last of the dragons, he'd lied to protect them. Zuko's chest swelled with pride, and hoped that he could one day make his uncle as proud.

Later, he and Aang shared their discovery with the group, and performed the firebending forms they'd learned. They hadn't even fully finished before Sokka started in on them, "Yeah, that's a great dance you two learned there."

"It's not a dance." Zuko argued. "It's a firebending form."

"We'll just tap-dance our way to victory over the Fire Lord." He teased.

He was never going to let them live this down, was he? "It's a sacred form that happens to be thousands of years old!"

"Oh, yeah?" Katara cut in. "What's your little form called?"

He sighed and mumbled, "The Dancing Dragon."

The group laughed, but Aang was unphased by it. "We also learned that fire bending isn't destruction. It's energy and harmony."

"That's why my firebending was so weak before." Zuko declared. "Because for so many years, hunting Aang was my drive ... it was my purpose. So when I joined you, I lost sight of my inner fire. But now, I have a new drive. I have to help you defeat my father and restore balance to the world. The true source of firebending isn't rage, like I was taught, it's life and passion."

"Well," said Toph, grinning, "I guess that explains the kissing thing." 

They were all laughing again, and Zuko huffed and rolled his eyes, fighting a smile and a blush.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, bear with me, next chapter it starts to branch away from the show a lot more, I promise. I was Hella tempted to do a time skip, but there were enough tiny things I wanted to include that it felt like cheating.

He completely slaughtered his uncle's favorite joke, but the group still laughed as he served them tea, and Zuko felt a small peace settle over him. It was slow going, and he caught Katara glaring suspiciously in his direction more often than not, but they were a little more accepting of him. Probably because he hadn't used the Sun Warrior trip as a cover to abduct Aang. 

His peace was short lived, of course. As he went to hand Sokka his cup of tea, he'd instead been led away from the group to discuss fire nation prisons in hushed tones. 

"If someone was captured by the Fire Nation," Sokka asked, "where would they be taken?"

"That… depends on who was captured." His thoughts, of course, went to Emaya, and he cringed. "And who did the capturing."

"When the invasion plan failed, some of our troops were taken. I just want to know where they might be."

Zuko did not like where this was going. "I can't tell you."

"What? Why not?" Sokka demanded.

"Trust me. Knowing just makes you feel worse."

"It's my dad." Sokka tried and failed to keep the pleading tone from his voice. "He was captured too. I need to know what I put him through."

"It's not good, Sokka."

"Please." 

Zuko sighed. He was not equipped to deal with this level of puppy dog eyes. "My guess is they were taken to the Boiling Rock. It's the highest security prison in the Fire Nation. It's on an island in the middle of a boiling lake. It's inescapable."

"So, where is this place?" His attempt at nonchalance fell flat.

"Why do you need to know? What are you planning?"

"Nothing, boy, you are so paranoid."

Zuko narrowed his eyes. "It's in the middle of a _volcano_ between here and the Fire Nation. You guys actually flew right past it on your way here."

"Thanks, Zuko." He yawned exaggeratedly. "Just knowing makes me feel better."

"Yeah. I'm sure it does."

*~*~*~*

No one could recognize a half-baked plan like Zuko could, because usually, he was the one coming up with them. He'd stayed up all night atop Appa, waiting for Sokka's inevitable arrival. 

He'd intended on talking Sokka out of it, but then he heard himself volunteering to go along instead. He still wasn't sure how that happened. He blamed the puppy dog eyes. They took his war balloon.

Zuko fueled and steered the balloon in the right direction, while Sokka looked on. The silence between them wasn't what he'd call comfortable. They'd both made an attempt at small talk, but… it was awkward. 

He tried to wrack his brain for something to say. Out of all of them, Sokka was closest to him in age, and had so far been one of the most accepting of him, so as desperate as it sounded, Zuko was really hoping they would come out of this as friends. Even if Sokka tried to get under his skin sometimes. 

"You know," Sokka tried, "a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons."

"No kidding."

"Yep. A balloon… but for war."

The conversation was dying already, and Zuko panicked. "If there's one thing my dad's good at, it's war." He cringed and fought the urge to smack his forehead. Why'd he bring his _dad_ into it?

"Yeah, it seems to run in the family."

Zuko stiffened. "Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that."

"I know, I know, you've changed."

Funnily enough, Zuko hadn't been talking about himself. "I meant my uncle. He was more of a father to me. And I really let him down." 

"I think your uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us? That's hard."

"It wasn't that hard." Zuko lied.

"Really?" Sokka asked, as if he didn't believe it. "You didn't leave behind _anyone_ that you cared about?" 

Zuko looked away, not sure he was ready to admit this particular failing. "I had a-- well, we weren't-- but I--" he sighed. "Her name is Emaya." 

"Is this the girl that got you all overheated or whatever?" Sokka teased.

He huffed. "Yeah, but, I- I'd rather not talk about her. If that's okay. It's… complicated." And it hurt.

Sokka raised his hands in peace. "It's totally okay. You're allowed to have-- well, maybe not _secrets_ \-- but a private life." They were quiet for a minute before Sokka spoke again. "But if you ever, you know, _want_ to talk about it, I'm available."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."

"Yeah, if anyone understands complicated relationships, it's me. My first girlfriend turned into the moon."

Zuko looked at him, expecting there to be a punchline, but he just looked… sad. What would a friend say to something like that?! 

"Er, that's rough, buddy."

*~*~*~*

They crashed the war balloon into the boiling lake, and everything had pretty much spiraled downwards from there. They'd gotten separated, and Zuko had taken that opportunity to ask some other guards about any newly arrived prisoners. He'd learned that Sokka's dad wasn't on the island, and neither-- as far as he could tell-- was Emaya, not that he'd really held out much hope for that. Azula would want her kept close. 

Sokka _had_ found his girlfriend-- a new one and not the moon, Zuko assumed-- so the trip wasn't a total bust, but then Zuko had been discovered, and he'd frozen his ass off to get their way off the island loose. Which, sure, his breath of fire kept him from losing extremities and chattering himself to insanity, but that didn't mean it was a good time. 

At the last minute, they'd opted out of the first escape plan-- which was admittedly genius and totally would have worked-- on the chance that Sokka's dad would be on the next gondola of prisoners. Zuko hadn't hesitated to volunteer to stay, he had a strange faith in Sokka's ability to plan them another way out, but he couldn't help the mixed feelings he had about Sokka finding his dad. 

Zuko wasn't stupid. He knew that his own dad wasn't a model for how all fathers were, and the way Sokka and Katara talked about the man varied anywhere from hero worship to tales of ridiculous antics, but that didn't mean Zuko could shut off the part of his brain that was labeled "Dad=Danger." Especially when this particular Dad had plenty of reason to hate him already. He would have to work on it.

They were watching the gondola's slow approach, and Sokka practically vibrated with tension next to him. 

"This is it. If my dad's not there, we've risked everything for nothing." 

"We had to." Suki murmured, taking Sokka's hand. 

Zuko said a prayer to Agni, but he wasn't entirely clear on what he was asking for. His eyes flicked from the gondola to Sokka each time someone stepped out, waiting for some kind of recognition to flicker across his face. 

He deliberately did not wonder if each next person would be Emaya. He didn't hope for it, and he didn't get progressively more disappointed when it wasn't. He didn't. That would be senseless and unhelpful, and anyway, he was only here to help Sokka get his dad back. 

Just as it was starting to look like they should have cut their losses, a tall man was prodded out of the hanging carriage. Sokka huffed out a single word, "Dad."

*~*~*~*

Zuko was quickly learning that a lot of Sokka's "genius" ideas were just trying things that other people-- _sane_ people-- would instinctively know were bad ideas. 

"We need a distraction," Sokka was saying through the bars of his cell, "we're going to get all the prisoners into the yard and start a riot."

"How are we supposed to get the prisoners into the yard during a lockdown?" He asked.

"I'll just tell the gate guard that the warden said to open the cells." 

"Sokka. That's not going to work."

"You don't know that!"

"That's not how it works! There's a very specific chain of command and--"

"Hey, I can be very convincing!"

It took some doing, but they were able to get the prisoners into the yard and find each other. Zuko rolled his eyes at Sokka's smug look. Maybe his expectations for how the world should work were just too high.

Case in point: the proper way to start a prison riot should not be just one guy screaming "Hey, riot!" 

The warden appeared on a balcony above them, shouting, but his words were lost in the din. 

Sokka brightened. "There's the Warden! Now all we have to do is grab him and get to the gondola!"

"And how do we do that?" Zuko asked.

"I'm… not sure."

Thank Agni for Suki. While he and Sokka had snipped at each other, she took care of it. She was up on the balcony and had the warden well in hand before they had even mounted the stairs. If he hadn't seen it himself, Zuko would never have believed it. 

They ran for the gondola, a couple of guards trying to stop them before realizing they had taken the warden as hostage. Suki ushered them inside, and Zuko started the gondola and kicked at the switch repeatedly, trying to break it off. 

Once it snapped off, Zuko leapt for the gondola, and he would not have made it, if not for Sokka reaching out to grab him and pulling him on board.

"Thanks." He panted.

"Way to think ahead." Sokka patted him on the back.

"Who's that?" Sokka's father asked, pointing. 

Zuko's mouth went dry. "That's a problem. It's my sister and her friends." 

He watched, unsurprised when Azula grabbed a pair of handcuffs and used them to zip line towards them. Ty lee followed, but Mai remained curiously behind. They climbed to the top of the gondola to have more room to work. 

Azula and Tylee reached them, and the five of them squared off. Azula smirked at him, sliding into a fighting stance. "I was surprised to hear that you were here, brother. You wouldn't happen to be looking for something you lost?" 

Zuko stiffened. "Let her go, Azula." 

"Aw, you are! How sweet." She cackled in triumph and sent a wide arc of blue flame in his direction. He blocked it, and each of her next relentless attacks in rapid succession, while Sokka harried her with his sword. Zuko was vaguely aware of Ty Lee and Suki fighting it out in his peripheral, but couldn't spare them any more attention than that. 

They were gaining ground, and Zuko did not hesitate to try and finish it. Azula managed to dodge his attack and keep her footing, and she retaliated with a blast of fire that nearly took out both Suki and Ty Lee.

He heard the warden yelling to cut the line, and the guards hastened to obey. The gondola rocked and screeched to a halt when they jammed the gears of the mechanism, knocking Sokka off his feet. Zuko reached for him as he slid past, without thinking about it, pulling him back before he went over the edge. As soon as the gondola had come to a stop, the guards below began sawing at the thick cable.

Ty Lee and Azula, realizing the gondola was headed for the boiling lake below, abandoned the fight, and fled to another gondola, moving past them. "Goodbye, Zuko." She taunted.

Zuko, Sokka, and Suki headed back inside the gondola, and shared the grim news with the rest of them. Before they could come up with a plan C (D?), the gondola rocked and started moving once again, away from the prison. They rushed to the window to see what had happened. 

"Who is that?" Sokka asked.

"It's Mai." Zuko let himself hope. "The warden is her uncle, I guess she's not ready to watch him boil to death. Azula won't like that." They all looked at the warden, who looked an odd combination of furious and touched. Once their carriage shuddered to a stop at the lip of the volcano, the group of them poured out of it. 

They commandeered one of Azula's airships, and headed back towards the temple. When they arrived, Zuko didn't hang around long, going a short ways off on his own. The happy reunion between the water tribe siblings and their father only seemed to highlight for him how messed up his own family was, and he didn't want to bring them down with his personal melancholy.

*~*~*~*

The next morning, as the sun crept into the sky, and Zuko fought it's call to rise, the temple was rocked by the sound of explosions. He sprang up, ready to fight, and two warships floated into view. He cursed. Surveying the group, he took a quick headcount, and so far, no one was hurt. 

Aang sealed the room with a sweep of wind, turning large metal slats that Zuko hadn't even realized were there. The group of them scurried to throw their supplies onto Appa's back, amidst the rumble of more bombs detonating right outside. He saved Katara from being crushed by the crumbling ceiling, but she made it sound like she'd have rather just died. He rolled his eyes. 

They were struggling, trying to coax the sky bison into the tunnel Toph and Haru had just carved into the side of the cliff. Zuko turned away from them and squared his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Aang called, worried.

"You go ahead, I'll hold them off. I think this is a family visit." He didn't wait for their approval, he ran to face his sister. 

"Zuko, no!" Aang called after him.

Sokka stopped him. "Come on, we've got to get out of here. You focus on this, I'll go." 

"Sokka!" Katara protested.

"I'm not letting him face Princess Crazy Person all alone. Get Aang out of here." He turned and ran after Zuko. 

Zuko burst from the room, and sent a wide arc of flame towards the nearest airship. His smirking sister slowly rose into view, standing in the crows nest of one of the huge warships.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded. He didn't really expect an answer, he was just trying to buy the rest of them some time. 

"Is that anyway to greet your only sister?" She shot a spiraling burst of blue flame at him that he blocked and then returned in gold. She jumped aside and laughed. "Aren't you just _dying_ to know about your kitchen slut? She'll be so hurt that you haven't even _asked_." She punched fireballs at him as she talked, but he blocked every one and sent a gout of flames back at her. 

"Stop talking." Zuko demanded. Sokka appeared at his side, boomerang ready in hand and a raised eyebrow. But Zuko couldn't afford to take his eyes off his sister. 

"I didn't understand what you saw in her at first, but now… she's my favorite plaything." Her grin became predatory. "You should have told me that she even _screams_ pretty."

Zuko bristled, and made to take a running jump, but felt Sokka's hand on his shoulder. "She's trying to bait you into something stupid." 

Azula laughed. "Oh, Zuzu, don't you have _any_ standards? Tell me you're not fucking this peasant too."

Sokka shook his shoulder a fraction to keep his attention. "This is the same thing she did to me about Suki, she's trying to manipulate you."

Azula narrowed her eyes at Sokka, but then she turned a predatory smile to Zuko. "She hates you, you know, she blames you for leaving her behind. It's all very tragic."

"Shut your mouth, Azula." Zuko growled. "I don't believe anything you say." 

"You're a terrible liar, brother." 

Zuko shook off Sokka's grip and leapt for the nearest airship, shooting fire at his sister the whole way. 

"Zuko don't--" Sokka called, but it was too late. If Azula didn't kill him, Sokka was going to.

Azula laughed maniacally and moved to meet him, shooting a barrage of fireballs at him. He slipped, but regained his feet, running towards her, trying to find the best way onto the balloon that she rode. 

"We had to punish her for it, of course." Azula taunted. "Can't have a citizen of the Fire Nation hating the Prince… well, Father being the exception to that, of course." She kicked a jet of flame at him. "I even let her off easy, I think. You sure you don't want to know?"

He grit his teeth and leaped again, barely finding purchase. 

They traded pretty evenly matched blows, trying to gain an advantage over the other. For a long while, Azula stopped talking, having to focus on the battle between them. She frowned until Zuko lost his footing a second time, for just a fraction of a second, but it emboldened her. 

She smiled, darted in close, and hissed, "As punishment, I gave her a scar, just like yours." She dropped low and attempted to knock his feet from under him.

Zuko sprang away, fired another arc of flame at her, and then stilled as her words registered. " _What_?"

Azula looked downright giddy. "I thought it would be fitting. Now, everytime she looks in the mirror, she will remember how you failed." 

Later, when asked, Zuko couldn't say exactly what had happened that led to both of them falling towards the fog below, the few seconds between hearing those words and being pulled to safety on Appa's back were blank. It was probably better that way.

He watched his sister manage the fall and find purchase on the cliff face, and then watched the temple shrink away into the distance. He put his back to the edge of Appa's saddle, pulled his legs to his chest and pressed his forehead to his knees. He could feel eyes on him, and he tried to take slow, even breaths, but all that he managed were shuddering gasps. He scrunched his eyes shut against the humiliation and guilt that welled in him.

He was aware of shuffling, as Toph very gingerly crawled her way across the saddle, pulling herself up next to him. She kept one hand on his arm, but he couldn't tell if she was doing it for her benefit or his. Another body-- Sokka, he assumed-- sat down on his left, their arm pressed against his. 

He waited for one of them to ask, to prod him for answers to questions that were too ugly for him to contemplate… but they didn't. They just sat with him until his breathing evened and he was able to look up without wetness in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise we'll get back to Emaya soon. 😬


	17. Chapter 17

They made camp when Appa couldn't go any further. Zuko helped them set up, and did his best to act like he wasn't falling apart. He snuck off a little after he started their campfire, heading towards the woods as the sun set. He stumbled on a small bluff that looked over a quick little stream dappled in moonlight. He sat. 

That morning replayed in his mind, and he let himself dwell on it. Setting aside the bits that made it hard to breathe, it had almost seemed like he and Azula were evenly matched. Had she been holding back? 

He looked up at the stars. Azula never held back from anything she did, unless she had an ulterior motive. Had he really improved so much from the Dragon's teachings? Or had she been playing with him?

There was a small rustle and Sokka stepped out of the woods. They stared at each other for a moment. "Oh, hey, I was just--" Sokka started, then tried again. "You look like you could use some company. Can I sit?" 

Zuko debated, and then shrugged one shoulder. He may as well get this over with. Sokka lay in the grass near him and watched the sky. Zuko waited, but Sokka seemed content to just lie there. The suspense was killing him. 

"I, uh, assume you have questions." Zuko mumbled.

Sokka put his hands up, "I didn't come here to pry. You always go off by yourself when you're upset-- which is fine, everyone deals with stuff differently, and that's okay-- but… you don't _have_ to deal with it alone anymore, you know that, right? If you wanna talk, we can talk... Or we can sit here and enjoy the weather." He shrugged.

Zuko shot him a skeptical look. "You're not… curious?" 

Sokka propped himself up on his elbows. "Are you kidding? So curious. Unbelievably curious. Even my questions have questions. But you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. That's not what this is."

"Well, what is it then?" 

Sokka shrugged. "Look, the stuff between you and your sister… it's not my business. You, out here, all alone and freaking out? That's the part that's my business."

"I'm not freaking out." He pouted. 

"Sure, sure." He paused and snuck a look at Zuko's face, "so, do you _want_ to talk about it?"

Zuko huffed a small laugh and shook his head. "I wouldn't even know where to start." 

"Well, I'd say start at the beginning, but I don't think we have that kind of time." 

The corner of the Prince's mouth twitched upward. "Not if we're wanting to fight my dad on _this_ pass of the comet." He said dryly.

Sokka grinned. "Well, I missed the last half of your conversation with your sister, why don't we start with whatever Azula said that messed you up so bad?" Sokka watched as Zuko's face went from contemplative to angry to might-throw-up. "Okay, yeah. That's a bad place to start. Sorry." 

Zuko visibly relaxed. "It's--" he trailed off. 

"Let me try again. So, Azula has your girlfriend? You said her name is Emaya?"

Zuko sighed. "Yes. Well, we weren't really _dating_. I mean, I thought for a minute, that maybe-- but she-- and I didn't-- and then-- ugh, I don't know."

Sokka was staring at him uncomprehendingly. "Oookay, obviously another bad place to start. Hmm. How did you meet her?"

Zuko looked thoughtful, then smiled a little. "We were just kids. She worked in the kitchens. I was not looking where I was going, and I knocked her over. She called me a walnut-brain."

Sokka rolled onto his stomach and kicked his feet up behind him. "So, obviously, love at first sight."

Zuko narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out if he was being teased or not. "No. That's not a real thing."

Sokka tsked, and looked offended. "It is _absolutely_ a real thing. It's how I fell for Yue. Just one look, and _bam_ , I was gone." He took on a distant expression. 

Zuko picked at the grass. "Is that the one that, uh…" he gestured vaguely at the sky.

"Yeah. I don't know if you were quite conscious yet when Zhao killed the moon spirit, but Yue had been blessed by the moon when she was born, so she sacrificed herself so it could be reborn." 

"Wow. I'm… I'm sorry."

Sokka waved a hand in dismissal. "It probably wouldn't have worked out for us anyway, she was already engaged, and I had the Avatar stuff… Doesn't mean I didn't love her though. And anyway, we're not here to talk about _my_ love life." He waited a beat. "Well? How did you go from walnut-brain to, uh, not quite dating?"

"Well, I didn't see her again after that for a couple years--"

"Wait, I thought you said she worked in the kitchen? How did you go that long without seeing her?" It didn't make sense to Sokka, the palace hadn't seemed _that_ big.

Zuko frowned. "Azula was mad that I found a hiding spot she didn't know about, so she told my father I had been bothering the staff. He banned me from the kitchen and the servant's corridors. The next time I saw Emaya…" he paused, not sure what parts were his to tell, "I invited her to play in the royal gardens. We spent weeks together. She was my best friend." 

"Now we're getting somewhere." 

Zuko looked away. "Well, it didn't last. My father found out about that too and forbade me from seeing her anymore. It wouldn't surprise me if Azula had something to do with that as well, now that I think about it." 

"Ugh. No offense, but your dad and sister are the _worst_. For real, like, zero redeeming qualities."

"You aren't wrong. It wasn't too long after that that everything started going to hell." 

"What do you mean?" 

He ticked them out on his fingers. "My cousin died, and my uncle abandoned the siege of Ba Sing Se. My father urged my grandfather to name him heir instead of my uncle, and it worked. Then my grandfather died. My mom disappeared. My dad was crowned and--" he swallowed, and turned away, unwilling to see the pity on Sokka's face, "well, then I was banished."

"Zuko, that's… that's a lot. No wonder you were so angry."

Zuko shrugged again. Now that he'd started, the words poured out of him. "A-after Ba Sing Se," he cringed at that particular memory, "when I went home, I thought things would be better. I thought I could… I don't know, convince _them_ to be better. I thought, if I went home, I'd have more of a chance to make a difference, maybe end the war, but I was still just a pawn."

They were both quiet for a time after that. Finally, Sokka sat up, and wondered if he should push his luck. He was pretty sure that Zuko had already said more tonight than he had in all the time since they'd adopted him. "Okay, so where does Emaya figure into all of that?"

Zuko ran a hand over his face. "Ugh. It's so embarrassing."

"Well, now I _have_ to know."

Zuko shook his head and frowned. "It's not embarrassing in the fun way." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "My dad sort of, um, offered her? To, uh, me. As a kind of peace offering, I guess?"

"He did what now?" Sokka blinked at him, confused. He watched the blush creep over Zuko's cheeks before understanding dawned on him. "Oh. You mean, like as a…?"

"It's not unheard of," Zuko said defensively, "I mean I was of age, technically-- in the Fire Nation, anyway-- but he uh, didn't bother to ask either of us how we felt about it."

Both of their faces were red, and Sokka was spluttering. "You can't just… do that."

"Yeah, she was pretty mad about it."

Sokka gave him a look. "You don't say." 

"Anyway, neither of us could really do anything about it, and we were glad to see each other again, so we just sort of faked it?"

"You _faked_ it?" Sokka was shaking his head in disbelief. "What does that even mean? What parts were you faking?"

Zuko ignored that question. "But we had been friends, and we cared about each other, and I don't know, all the lines we'd drawn got real blurry." He paused, and looked at the ground. "I didn't really try very hard to stay within them though, and that wasn't very, um, princely of me. She tried to keep things friendly, but it was like…" he cast about for the right words, "like I was just _pulled_ to her, and I thought it was just me, but that last night we were together--"

Sokka snickered. "Let me guess. Things got _hot_ and heavy?" Zuko leveled him with a glare, and he cleared his throat. "Ahem. Go on." 

"She was supposed to come with me, we had it all planned, but Azula found her. I-- I had to choose. Her or" he waved his hand vaguely around him, "this."

"Not much of a choice, if you ask me. If you had stayed, Azula and your dad would have just used her to manipulate you. Or worse." 

"I know, but I knew if I left they would punish her for my crimes, and I still made the choice. It's my fault that she's been subjected to-- that Azula--" He touched the edges of his scar unconsciously.

"Zuko. What did Azula say to you?"

"She said that she--" he swallowed, and then forced the words out in one breath, "that she gave Emaya a scar to match mine." He took a deep breath. "When my dad gave me this--"

Sokka sucked in a breath. "Hold on, _your dad_ ] did that to you?"

Zuko cringed. "Oh, um, yeah. I forget that some people don't know."

"That's… that's messed up, man."

"It was, it messed _me_ up, Sokka. It was weeks of constant pain, and I almost lost my eye. I couldn't firebend without puking all over the ship. The burning didn't stop when the flames went away, and the _nightmares_... it turned me into a monster. If Azula really--" He stopped and shook his head. "Emaya is beautiful and good and so kindhearted that it hurts. I don't want her to be messed up like I was. Like I still am. I can't-- If she-- and I-I didn't…"

Sokka nodded to himself. "Okay. That's enough. You need a hug." Zuko's protest was muffled against Sokka's shoulder. "Shoosh, angry guy. I have declared hug time. Deal with it." 

Zuko was scowling when Sokka pulled away, but there was no heat behind it, and it looked more like a pout. Sokka smirked at him. They sat quietly for a while, not sure where to go from there. Zuko was exhausted, the emotional toll of this day had been way more taxing than the fight with Azula had been, but he was honestly glad that Sokka had followed him. It felt good to be able to talk to a person again. 

"I see you over there, being broody." Sokka teased gently.

"I am not." Zuko huffed. He immediately took back the thought about being glad.

"Uh-huh." Sokka said skeptically before turning somewhat serious again, "Just, you know, don't give up hope, okay?"

Zuko was quiet again for a long time. "What if," he asked lowly, "what if she does hate me?"

Sokka thought about it. "I think if Katara can forgive you for stuff that was _actually_ your fault, Emaya can probably forgive you for the stuff that's not."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, Sokka. Katara hates me."

"Eh, she'll come around. And anyway, Azula lies about virtually everything, right? Maybe you don't even have anything to worry about."

"She doesn't _always_ lie. She'll tell the truth when the truth is what hurts."

Sokka didn't know what to say to that. They lapsed into silence, but it was a comfortable one. Eventually, Sokka turned to him and asked, "Are you ready to head back?"

Zuko sighed. "I suppose we should, before your sister starts to think I've kidnapped you."

Sokka stood, and offered him a hand. "Pfft. Like you could get the drop on me."

Zuko took it and stood then brushed off his pants. "Oh, I definitely could." They started back to camp.

"Ha! I'd love to see you try." 

Zuko chuckled. "I'm sure you would. 'No, Katara, I'm not really abducting Sokka, I'm just proving a point.'"

Sokka laughed. "Oh man, you're right. She'd totally murder you."

*~*~*~*

He spent a good portion of the next day training with Aang. At this point, though, he wasn't sure how much actual _teaching_ he was doing. The kid picked up new techniques with an alarming speed, and Zuko was quickly running out of material. Afterwards, he went to his tent to cool down and meditate. 

One thought in particular kept surfacing through the day, no matter how many times he tried to shove it aside. _"If Katara can forgive you… Emaya can probably forgive you."_

It was stupid. He _knew_ it was stupid. They were two completely different people, and the circumstances were wildly different. There was no correlation whatsoever. 

And yet.

As soon as Sokka had said it, Zuko's brain stamped it as hope and filed it away. No one knew how to cling to hope like Zuko did-- Especially when that hope shouldn't survive basic logic-- and he caught himself shooting surreptitious glances at Katara all day. 

His chances to prove himself to both Aang and Sokka had conveniently presented themselves with very little work on his part, and Toph could literally look inside him and see that he was being genuine, but Katara… He'd had his chance with Katara in Ba Sing Se and he'd thrown it away.

Zuko approached her after dinner. "Um, Katara?" She looked at him like she couldn't figure out where he had found the audacity to speak to her. _Well,_ he thought grimly, _this is already going poorly._ "Can I talk to you?"

"You know, Zuko, we've talked before, and I'd really rather not repeat the experience." 

"Right. It's just--" She scoffed, and turned to leave. "wait. Katara."

"Leave me alone." She called, without looking back.

He hesitated, and then went after her. "You're not being very… fair. " he finished lamely.

" _Fair_?" She whirled on him. "You want to talk about _fair_?"

He put his hands up, in a gesture of peace. "Look, all I am asking for is a chance to make things right."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "No, you aren't. You are asking for a _second_ chance."

"I-- Yes, I suppose I am." He admitted.

She looked a little taken aback that he hadn't argued, but it didn't last. "Well I'm not inclined to give it to you." 

He bristled. "You're saying I haven't even earned the opportunity to try?" He stopped, breathed, and tried again. "I'm teaching Aang firebending-- which, I could have taken him a hundred times now, if that's what I was after--, I broke into a high security prison to help Sokka get your dad back, I fought off my sister so you guys could get everyone out, I gave up the only one that--" he caught himself, "I gave up everything. To be _here._ What else do you want?"

"You really want to know? Hmm, maybe you could reconquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King. Or, I know! You could bring my mother back!"

She turned and stomped away. Zuko stomped off in the other direction. She'd given him two impossible tasks. He needed to talk to Sokka.

In hindsight, he probably should have seen the whole Sokka-and-Suki-sharing-a-tent thing coming, and made a mental note not to just walk into tents unannounced. He'd shelved the embarrassment though, and gotten the information he'd needed. 

He couldn't give her mom back to her, but maybe he could do the next best thing, and get her some closure. He'd expected to have to plead his case, but she jumped at the idea of finding her mother's killer. Aang argued against it of course, but in the end, he let them go.

Altogether, it took them three days to find him. Zuko learned a lot about Katara in that time, including but not limited to the fact that she was absolutely fucking terrifying. He sent another quick thank you to Agni that he'd changed sides when he did. 

She didn't kill the man, and that had surprised Zuko. He would have. He'd wondered, the entire way back to get Aang, if that meant she was weaker than him or if it meant she was stronger. He couldn't decide. He also wondered, as he watched her and the Avatar hug it out, if it meant he had failed. Did she still hate him? 

She answered that one for him with an honest smile. "I think, all things considered, I'm ready to give you that second chance."


	18. Chapter 18

They ended up staying at his family's old beach house on Ember Island. It made the most sense. No one would ever think to look for them there, the house was big enough for them to have some space, and remote enough for them to train without attracting attention. Not to mention its convenient proximity to the capital. 

Aside from a trip to the theater to watch a disaster of a play, which he had warned them would be terrible, things were good. 

Maybe too good. Zuko couldn't help but notice how weirdly not freaked out by the imminent arrival of Sozin's Comet they were. Aang barely focused when they trained, and the rest of them lazed about like this was an actual vacation. And what did Sokka do when Zuko brought it up? He suggested a _beach party_ and the rest of them just _went._

He tried to remind himself that they were just children, but that only bought so much patience. Did nobody realize what day it was? 

Well fine. If no one else was going to make Aang take this seriously, Zuko would. 

He launched a surprise attack while they _played in the sand_ , and rained fire down onto the Avatar, trying not to pull any punches. Aang screamed in surprise, and fled back to the house. Zuko gave chase. The fight between them took out half of the roof, but it seemed like Aang was finally _trying_ at least. 

Aang caught him off guard, and sent him flying out of the house with a huge gust of air. He landed heavily, and touched the back of his head gingerly, looking for blood. Katara appeared, panting from the run and scowling at him.

"What's wrong with you? You could have hurt Aang!"

Zuko blanched as the rest of them came from the direction of the beach. "What's wrong with _me_? What's wrong with all of you? How can you sit around having beach parties when Sozin's Comet is only a handful of days away?" They all looked at Zuko with varying degrees of disbelief. "Why are you all looking at me like I'm crazy?"

Aang stepped forward, unsure. "About Sozin's Comet ... I was actually gonna wait to fight the Fire Lord until after it came. I'm not ready. I need more time to master firebending."

"And frankly, your earthbending could still use some work too." Toph added.

Zuko stared at them, bewildered and honestly a little hurt. "So, you all knew Aang was going to wait?"

"The whole point of fighting the Fire Lord before the Comet was to stop the Fire Nation from winning the war, but they pretty much won the war when they took Ba Sing Se." Katara said, not unkindly. "Things can't really get any worse."

Zuko shook his head. "You're wrong." They gaped at him, but he continued. They needed to hear it, maybe this was his fault for not saying anything before. "It's about to get worse than you can even imagine. The day before the eclipse, my father asked me to attend an important war meeting. It was what made me finally decide that I had to leave." He looked at each of them in turn, trying to stress the severity of what he was about to say. 

"He's going to use the power of the comet to burn the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground. All of it. I wanted to speak out against this horrifying plan, but I'm ashamed to say I didn't. My whole life, I struggled to gain my father's love and acceptance, but once I had it, I realized I'd lost myself getting there. I'd forgotten who I was."

Katara breathed a small "No. He _can't_."

"He _will_. Unless we stop him first."

"What am I going to do?" Aang pleaded.

"I know you're scared, and I know you're not ready to save the world, but if you don't defeat the Fire Lord before the comet comes, there won't be a world to save anymore." Zuko winced, he already could tell that wasn't the best thing he could have said. 

"Why didn't you tell me about your dad's crazy plan sooner?" Aang demanded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think I had to. I assumed you were still going to fight him before the comet. No one told _me_ you decided to wait."

Aang sank to his knees, put his head in his hands, and proceeded to have a nervous breakdown. Katara approached him carefully. "Aang, you don't have to do this alone."

"Yeah, if we all fight the Fire Lord together, we got a shot at taking him down." Toph said matter-of-factly.

"All right!" Sokka cheered. "Team Avatar is back!" He threw an arm over both Suki and Zuko's shoulders, "And better than ever!"

Aang smiled in spite of everything, and stood. "Fighting the Fire Lord is going to be the hardest thing we've ever done together, but I wouldn't want to do it any other way."

They all started moving together for a group hug. Zuko tried to duck out from underneath Sokka's arm, but Katara grabbed his collar, and yanked him back. "Oh no you don't. Being part of the group means being a part of the group hugs." 

He sighed dramatically, and let her pull him back towards the group. It felt good, to be not just present, but welcome. He could almost hear Emaya's teasing _"I told you so."_ He wished she were there. 

*~*~*~*

The next morning, Aang was gone. They searched the island, but had no luck. It was as if he'd walked into the sea and disappeared. They were all a bit on edge, but when Sokka suggested Appa had eaten Momo, Zuko had had enough. 

"Get out of the bison's mouth Sokka." He said flatly. "We have a real problem here. Aang is nowhere to be found and the comet is only a few days away."

Katara turned to him, concerned. "What should we do, Zuko?" They all turned to him, expectantly.

"I don't know." He said defensively, uncomfortable under their eyes. "Why are you all looking at _me_?"

"Well, you are kind of the expert on tracking Aang." Katara said, only half joking.

"Yeah," Toph joined in, "if anyone's got experience hunting the Avatar ... it's you."

Sokka came up behind him, covered in skybison saliva, and slapped a hand on his shoulder. "Zuko, buddy, this is your _moment._ I hereby give you permission to chase the Avatar." 

Zuko rolled his eyes, but then stilled. "Well, I guess I do have an idea. Come on."

*~*~*~*

His idea was to travel to the Earth Kingdom and find a certain bounty hunter. His idea was to have said bounty hunter use her Shirshu mount to track Aang's scent. His idea did not work. 

_Which,_ he thought sardonically, _we really should have seen coming._

According to the shirshu, Aang didn't even exist. Which somehow also meant that he wasn't dead? So, he guessed that was kind of a silver lining. The group was looking at him again, waiting for him to pull Aang out of thin air, he imagined. What did he used to do when the hope of catching the Avatar was non-existent? He thought back. Well, usually, he'd go to his uncle, ask for advice, and then do the exact opposite of Iroh's council. He winced.

"Wait." He called out to the bounty hunter as she walked away. "I have another idea." He turned to the group. "There's only one other person in this world who can help us face the Fire Lord. I'll be right back with a smell sample."

It didn't take long for the Shirshu to catch his uncle's scent, and then it was off. The lot of them scrambled onto Appa's back to follow. The shirshu was seemingly tireless, climbing hills and scaling cliffs without a pause, following the trail with a single mindedness that Zuko could relate to. Just as he was beginning to worry that Appa would fall behind, the shape of a giant city appeared on the horizon, and the shirshu slowed as it neared the crumbled outer wall of Ba Sing Se.

"Your uncle's somewhere beyond the wall." The woman called from atop the shirshu, and Appa landed heavily. "Nyla's getting twitchy so he can't be too far. Good luck."

Zuko watched her leave, half dreading the expectant looks he already felt from the group. They were all counting on him, and honestly? He felt like a fraud. He had no idea what he was doing, he was just making it up as he went along. He surveyed the wreckage of the wall. The rubble would be near impossible to negotiate safely in the dark, so he told them to set up camp for the night.

If he was completely honest with himself, it wasn't just the ruined walls that gave him pause. He wasn't ready to face his uncle yet. He missed him, and Zuko wouldn't hesitate to beg his forgiveness, but he was afraid. He wasn't sure that he deserved to be forgiven. 

Sometime after they'd all fallen asleep-- and he kicked himself for not setting a watch-- their camp was surrounded by a ring of fire. They all scrambled for weapons, until a voice called out of the flames.

"Well look who's here!"

Both Katara and Sokka froze, an excited look passing between them.

Toph tilted her head, confused. "What's going on? We're surrounded by old people. Are we fighting?" Large rocks tore from the ground and hovered.

Katara hurried forward, "No! We know them!" She and Sokka introduced them to each of the masters they had met in their travels with Aang. One of which turned out to be their new grandfather.

Suki regarded the group of old men. "So wait. How do you all know each other?"

The earthbender, King Bumi said, "All old people know each other. Don't you know that?" Zuko idly wondered if the man was mad.

The great sword master, Piandao, ignored him, and answered Suki's question. "We're all part of the same ancient secret society. A group that transcends the divisions of the four nations."

Zuko's eyebrows shot up. "The Order of the White Lotus." His uncle's secret club just got a whole lot more interesting.

Jeong Jeong, a firebending master, nodded. "The White Lotus has always been about philosophy and beauty and truth. But about a month ago, a call went out that we were needed for something important."

The master waterbender (and brand new grandfather), Pakku, turned to Zuko, "It came from a Grand Lotus: your uncle, Iroh of the Fire Nation."

"That's who we're looking for!" Toph yelled before Zuko could put together a response. 

Piandao nodded. "Then we will take you to him." 

Zuko tried not to vomit as he thought about facing his uncle, following the White Lotus members through the ruined outer wall. He could feel the rest of the group at his back and took comfort in that. 

Bumi lifted a boulder the size of a small house out of the way to give them access to the camp. "Well, here we are. Welcome to old people camp."

Nearly a hundred tents lay spread out in front of them in small, neat rows. Zuko hadn't expected that many. Was the White Lotus really that big? 

"Where--" he tried, but had to swallow and start again, "where is he?"

Master Piandao pointed to a larger tent at the rear of the encampment, obviously meant for the commander. "Your uncle is in there, Prince Zuko." 

Zuko nodded, and strode towards it with purpose. The closer he came, however, the more his stride faltered. He stopped outside of it, and sat heavily on the ground. He hadn't noticed Katara behind him until she walked around in front of him. 

"Are you okay?"

He thought about lying, but his usual response of "I'm fine" caught in his throat. "No, I'm not okay. My uncle hates me, I know it." Katara sat down next to him, and he let his fears pour out of him. "He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?"

"Zuko," she admonished, "you're sorry for what you did, right?"

"More sorry than I've been about anything in my entire life." He muttered.

"Then he will forgive you." She said simply. When he didn't look convinced, she caught his eye. "He will."

Zuko nodded, and swallowed thickly before standing. He took a deep breath, and then walked into the tent. 

"Uncle?" He said softly.

His uncle slept soundly on a cot. Zuko debated waking him, but thought better of it. The sun wasn't too far off, so he settled on the floor quietly. He could wait.

Sooner than he would have liked, Iroh stirred. The old man sat up and stretched, facing away from him. Zuko's heart pounded in his chest. He'd resolved to let his uncle speak first, but words bubbled out of him before he could stop them.

"Uncle, I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me." He saw his uncle's shoulders tense, but he forged on, his voice breaking. "But I want you to know," he swallowed and let the tears fall, "I am so, so, sorry, Uncle. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. But I'll-" His next words were lost into his uncle's shoulder, and Zuko sank into the hug. He shook his head, not able to comprehend it. "How can you forgive me so easily? I thought you would be furious with me."

Iroh only hugged him tighter. "I was never angry with you. I was sad because I was afraid you lost your way."

"I did lose my way." 

Iroh pulled away to look at his face. He smiled. "But you found it again. And you did it by yourself. And I am so happy you found your way here." 

"I didn't do it completely on my own." Zuko said softly. "Uncle, would you like to, uh, meet my friends?"

Iroh pulled him back into a hug. "I would like that very much, Nephew." 

They exited the tent together, and the group-- his friends-- were waiting. He wiped his eyes, trying to hide the tell-tale evidence, but it was too late, and they all came at him, arms wide. He let them envelope him in a hug. He didn't even grouse at them for it, well, not much, anyway. 

"Okay, okay." He said, pulling away, and then, "Ow!" He glared at Toph, who'd punched him in the arm.

Toph shrugged at him. "Can't let you get all soft and touchy-feely like the rest of them."

He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, everyone, this is…" He stopped. "Actually, I'm pretty sure you've all already met." 

"That is okay, Nephew." Iroh said, chuckling. "I am surprised you were able to find us." 

"It wasn't that hard, Uncle. You have a pretty strong scent."

"Well, speaking of finding…I believe I stumbled..."

A breeze ruffled his hair, and Zuko stopped listening. Something nagged at the back of his awareness, and he turned away from the group, searching for whatever had put him on alert. The camp was only just starting to come to life, and Zuko held his breath.

Another light breeze brushed his face, and he heard a far-off, barely there, wooden _clatter-clink._ His heart sped up, but he couldn't immediately say why.

"Nephew?" Iroh asked. 

Zuko shushed him and took three involuntary steps towards the sound. All of them looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Again, _clinkety-clank_. 

It couldn't be… but he _knew_ that sound. He walked to the first row of tents. _This is stupid._ He thought, but his feet moved faster and he ignored the confused calls from the group behind him. _It's not even possible._ He passed the second row of tents and the third, vaguely aware that his friends had started following concernedly some distance behind him. 

_Clink-clunk-clink_.

He fought the urge to run. _I'm just setting myself up to look like an idiot._ He chided himself. _It's not like it was the only one._ But he couldn't stop. Not until-- he pulled up short and turned. _There._

About midway down that row of tents, from the small awning over the door of one, hung a bamboo wind chime. His breath caught, and he stared. He wanted to move closer, to see for sure that it wasn't the same, because it couldn't be the same, but he also didn't. He wasn't sure he could take the inevitable crushing disappointment.

A man emerged from the tent nearest to him, nearly knocking into him, but Zuko didn't even register his presence. He gave Zuko and their group a strange look before moving on. 

"Zuko?" Katara asked gently, "are you okay?"

"I--" He didn't know how to follow that up. 

The flap lifted on the tent that the chime hung from, and a feminine form stepped from it. His heart leaped, and then sank. The girl wore light armor over her clothes, with long daggers slung over each hip. She was turned away from them, preoccupied with adjusting one of her armguards, pulling it up higher and trying to cinch it tighter. 

Zuko closed his eyes and berated himself for not listening to the logical part of his brain, and the girl started towards them. Her steps faltered, and she sucked in a breath, prompting him to look at her. To really look at her. _Oh._

"Em?" His broken voice barely made it past his lips. He took two steps towards her. And then two more, until he could almost reach out and touch her.

She was looking at him incredulously, imperceptibly shaking her head, "You--" 

Her lip trembled, and it broke his heart. He went to his knees, and bowed before her. "I'm so--"

"What, no." She sobbed, and then she was grabbing his collar, wrenching him upwards before essentially throwing herself into him. It rocked him back on his knees. Her arms snaked around his waist, and she pressed her face into his chest, shaking. "You're okay. Thank Agni. You're okay. I was so worried, Zuko, but you're okay. You're okay. You're okay." Until she wasn't even aware of saying it anymore.

He didn't argue, and he wasn't exactly listening, too wrapped up in the sheer impossibility of her. He was crying again as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please, Em. I had to. I'm sorry."

She looked up at him, his litany of apologies finally making it past the haze of joy and relief that she felt. "Stop that. What are _you_ sorry for?" She felt him tense, and he pulled her impossibly closer.

"I left you." He said lowly, his tone full of shame. 

She huffed a laugh, shaking her head. "That's funny, because I have spent the last few weeks worried that _I_ left _you_."

"What?" He pulled away just enough to search her face. There was a shadow of a bruise along her jaw, but otherwise, she seemed unharmed. "How did you escape?"

"Your Uncle." She said simply.

Zuko instantly became viscerally reminded of his friends and his uncle standing a few yards behind him. A blush marched across his face, and she smiled and hid her face in his chest again, seemingly realizing the same thing. 

"Ahem." His uncle's voice carried to them, and Zuko could hear the grin in it. "As I was saying, Prince Zuko, I believe that I stumbled upon a friend of yours." 

"Thank you, Uncle." He said softly without looking up. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I STRUGGLED with this chapter, ngl. But I hope y'all enjoyed it. Still not 100% happy with it, but I'm posting it because the alternative is me nit picking it forever.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to keep the updates to less than a week apart, but idk how long that will work out, tbh. We've started homeschooling and funfact: we do NOT pay our teachers enough. 
> 
> Anyway. This chapter and the next (and maybe the one after that?) We'll play catch up with Emaya. I debated forever on whether to do their timelines in tandem or do a flashback. Part of me has regrets. 😅

"Thank you, Uncle." Zuko said softly without looking up. "Thank you."

"It was my pleasure." Iroh beamed at them. "I think maybe you have some things to discuss. Why don't you take a tour of the camp? Emaya can show you around."

Sokka appeared at Iroh's elbow. "That is a great idea. I know I have a ton of questions." He turned to Emaya and pointed to himself. "Hi. Sokka, Water Tribe, first things first, boomerangs: how do you feel about them? Do you want to meet a skybison? Oooh, did you know that one time, Zuko-- Hey!" 

Suki grabbed Sokka around the middle, put a hand over his mouth, and started dragging him away. "Ignore him, it's fine, glad you're okay!"

Zuko looked up at his uncle, as much as he wanted to, the world as they knew it was maybe ending soon. "Are you sure, Uncle?"

Iroh looked at them fondly. "I am positive. The comet isn't going to sneak up on us." He chuckled. "Prince Zuko, you can come find me after you have had time to, ah, catch up." 

The rest of the group took that as their cue to give the two of them some space, and Zuko chuckled when he heard his uncle offer to make them all some tea with their breakfast. He turned his attention back to Emaya, who he realized was essentially sitting in his lap, and had been this whole time.

She'd been watching him, and blushed when he caught her stare. She started awkwardly extracting herself from him. "Sorry, let me just--" 

"Right. Here, I can--"

Her foot slipped in the dewy grass just as he'd tried to shift position, and they nearly went down in a tangle of limbs. He steadied her with a hand on her hip, and they both huffed an awkward laugh. She felt his laugh puff against her cheek, and she fought the urge to turn her head that last little bit to kiss him. 

She stood instead, and offered him her hand. He took it and stood as well. She gestured vaguely around them, "So, this is the camp." He raised an eyebrow at her, and she smiled. "And that concludes our tour. C'mon." She took his hand and pulled him in the opposite direction of where his friends had gone. 

He let her pull him, content to follow. Her hand was warm in his and he couldn’t think about anything past that. She could have been leading him to ruin, but he wouldn't have stopped her. Not when she turned and smiled at him like that. 

She led him around the back of a pavilion where people were queueing up for breakfast, and snatched two servings from the table without pausing, passing one to him. The man filling dishes protested, but Emaya just smiled and shrugged before calling out, "Sorry, Len, Iroh's orders!" 

She took him up a semi-hidden staircase of stone, until they sat on the lip of the carefully placed rubble that hid their army. They ate and watched the camp come to life, neither willing to break this tenuous whatever-it-was. 

Her feet dangled over the edge, and she peeked at him from the corner of her eye. "So, what's it like hanging out with the Avatar?"

He thought about it. "Exhausting. It's like trying to babysit a bunch of super-powered toddlers that crave only chaos."

She laughed. "Well? I want to hear about all your adventures."

Zuko shrugged. "There's not really a lot to tell." He wanted to touch her, to reassure himself she was really there. 

She made a face. "You can't be serious."

"Well, we did find dragons, I guess. And we _did_ break into a prison… and then back out of the prison. Then we almost killed a guy, but decided against it? After that we went to the beach, until Aang disappeared, of course." He shrugged again. "And now we're here. Oh! And we fought an assassin. And Azula. But not, like, at the same time. Different fights." 

She blinked at him and then laughed. "You are the worst story teller, probably ever." 

He looked sheepish, but counted that laugh as a win. "Yeah. Sorry." He reached forward and tucked a couple fly away hairs behind her ear. "Well, what about you? How did you escape? _When_ did you escape?" He touched her jaw lightly. "And where did you get this?"

She waved her hands dismissively. "Sparring with Rukan. He feinted, and I fell for it. He says I have good instincts, but the bruises say otherwise." 

Zuko tried to picture Emaya sparring. It was hard. It didn't fit with the picture he had of her in his head, but he liked the idea of her being able to protect herself. It explained why he hadn't recognized her at first. She'd had to do some changing too. 

"Did she hurt you?" Zuko asked quietly.

"Who?"

"Azula." He said, as if it should be obvious. 

"Oh. No. She didn't really have the chance." She took a deep breath, trying to decide where to start. "I'd only been hiding a few minutes when they came for me. At first, I thought they were with the resistance, them being earthbenders and all, but then they started talking about the princess, and it surprised me how much scarier that made them. They took me to the prison, and Azula was there, waiting." She felt Zuko tense next to her, and she gave him a small smile. 

"She just wanted to gloat, I guess. It was her idea, to have me be the one that the Fire Lord, um, presented to you. She thought that you would "get attached" and stay to keep me safe."

"Well, I didn't stay." He said defiantly, and then softer, "Which I still feel really bad about."

"Don't. I was so worried that you would decide to be noble and they would catch you. I'm _glad_ you left." She smiled ruefully. "And anyway, that's not the only thing Azula got wrong."

"Yeah?" 

Emaya laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah. She, um, thought I might be pregnant."

Zuko spluttered. "But, wait. You mean she _bought_ it? I can't believe it worked."

"I know." She giggled. "She thought I was trying to climb the social ladder or something. Went on for ages about how she'd had to protect you from my evil schemes when we were kids. She couldn't imagine that I just _liked_ you." She blushed again. "Anyway, that was the last time I saw her. Your uncle got me out of there a few hours later, when the eclipse started." 

Zuko wasn't sure what the rules were between them, and he was hesitant to push too far. He wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her, but he settled for putting his hand over hers. She didn't pull away, so he laced their fingers. 

"Will you tell me about it? And how you got here? And everything else?"

She leaned her shoulder against his. "Should I tell it like you told yours?" She teased. 

"Maybe a _few_ more details, if you don't mind." He grumbled, his thumb trailing circles on the back of her hand.

*~*~*~*

Emaya paced the short length of her cell, occasionally throwing withering glances at the two Dai Li acting as her guards. They paid her exactly no mind at all. She huffed and sat heavily on the cot, and waited for something exciting to happen. The hours dragged.

A horrendous metallic screech rang through the walls, and she jerked in surprise. Cries of alarm, crashes, and heavy thuds followed soon after. Her two guards shared a look. 

"You aren't even going to go look?" Emaya asked, almost challenging them to do it. "You guys are the worst guards ever." She dared to hope it was Zuko, could almost picture his twin blades flashing, though if the eclipse was raging, she wasn't he could take on two earthbenders with his swords alone. 

One of the Dai Li slipped away, unnaturally silent, until he was out of her view. She held her breath. There was another crash, a scuffle, and then quiet. The guard did not return.

Her remaining guard was on alert, but did not leave his post. She wished for a mirror so she could see down the hallway. She had no idea if the racket being made was friend or foe, but she wagered she'd take whoever it was over Azula and the Fire Lord. "What's going on? Did your buddy die?" 

"Shut up." He hissed.

"Well _excuse me_ ," She hissed back, "for not wanting to also die." She picked up a rock the size of her fist. Throwing a rock at an earthbender was probably a lot like throwing a handful of sand at a sandstorm, but she felt better with it in her hand. Besides, fire benders could be burned, so it stood to reason earthbenders could be smacked in the head with a rock. Right?

"I said shut up." 

She tried to throw the rock, but he turned to her and it froze in her fist. He smirked at her and she shrugged, looking sheepish. The rock turned to sand in her hand, and he grinned down at her triumphantly. 

It was the only opening the Dragon of the West needed. The Dai Li agent didn't see him until it was too late. Emaya blinked at the older man in shock, who only smiled at her before scooping the ring of keys off of the stunned earthbender. 

"Hello, my dear. What a pleasure to see you again. Let's get out of here, shall we?" The door swung open, and Emaya stepped gingerly over the prone man on the floor. She scooped up her bag from the floor next to him and turned to follow the General out of the building. 

He was faster than he looked, and they passed a few unconscious guards, before a few conscious ones found them. Iroh grabbed her wrist. "This way, please." 

She let him lead her through the maze of hallways, until it spit them out at the entrance. The world was a dark burnt orange color, a result of the eclipse. He pulled her along, towards Caldera Proper and away from the Palace. 

She slowed and pulled away. "Where are we going?" She didn't mean for it to sound like an accusation, but it did.

He stopped and turned to face her. "I have a friend who is expecting me. He can help, but we must hurry, there are only a few minutes of the eclipse left. I am good, but I am not fight off every firebender in Caldera good."

She glanced back at the Palace. "But, Zu-- the Prince."

"Ah." He looked pained for a moment. 

Emaya stood her ground. "We can't just leave him. Azula said--"

"As hard as it may be to let go, I believe that we must put faith in Zuko's abilities today."

She turned back to the Palace, torn. The General, to his credit, did not rush her. It felt so wrong to run away, to leave him to face today alone, but she knew she'd be more of a hindrance than help if she went back, not to mention playing right into Azula's hand. Tears prickled at her eyes, and she swallowed against the thickness in her throat, but she turned back to the General. 

"Okay." She wiped her eyes and started moving away from the palace. "Okay."

He nodded, but Emaya wasn't sure if it was approval of her decision or acknowledgement of how hard it had been to choose. Either way, she had bigger things to worry about for the moment. 

They walked briskly through the empty streets, most people had chosen to evacuate the city under the threat of invasion, but some had stayed, and Emaya occasionally felt eyes on her. The sky began to brighten, as the eclipse faded. Iroh abruptly turned into a dark side street, and she followed without hesitation. He stopped outside a squat, wooden door, and knocked softly. His knuckles rapped out a meticulous pattern.

The door opened a crack, and then a bit more before a tall figure ushered them inside. "Welcome. It is good to see you, old friend."

Iroh inclined his head to the man. "And you as well. I hope you will forgive me a last minute change of plans?"

The man regarded Emaya, and recognition played across his features. "Of course, the more the merrier." He took one of her hands and kissed her fingers. "My name is Rukan. We've met, briefly, but I'll not hold it against you if you don't remember."

"Oh!" She said, remembering all at once. "The marketplace!" 

He smiled at her before turning to Iroh, handing him a bundle of proper clothes. "Three is more conspicuous than two, I can lead her, if you can find your way?"

Iroh was nodding, "Yes, I think that best. I'll give you a good head start." 

Rukan handed Emaya a cloak that was too big for her, but she wore it anyway. They took a winding route through the city, until slowly, the shops gave way to homes and the homes gave way to estates. They hopped a hedge and made their way up to a rear entrance of a large manse. 

Rukan opened the door without hesitation, and Emaya followed him inside, fighting nerves. She found herself in a large, if somewhat bare, pantry. There was a clattering in the next room, and Emaya froze. 

Rukan didn't flinch and called out, grinning mischievously. "Rhys, my love, is that you?" There was more clattering. 

"Spirits, Rukan!" A man called out. "You startled me!"

Rukan motioned for her to stay put, and walked into the next room. Their conversation carried back to Emaya. 

"I thought we were expecting company?" The startled man-- Rhys, apparently-- said. 

"We are. Our guest will be along soon, but my dear, my light, we may perhaps need to tweak the inventory for our trip."

Rhys let out a long suffering sigh. "Why? What contraband have you come across now? Let me guess. Some pre-war art? Banned books perhaps? I refuse to move cactus juice again, Rukan."

"Rhys, jewel of my heart, you _wound_ me." 

"I'm _going_ to wound you. I'm trying to run a legitimate business here, don't you think aiding a fugitive is enough law breaking for one day?" The last part was hushed, as if someone may overhear them.

"You are right as ever, love. I'll not ask you to break any _additional_ laws today."

"Out with it, Rukan. How big?"

"Oh, about, yea high?" 

Rukan appeared in the doorway, and urged Emaya forward. She stepped through the threshold, uncertain. Rhys leaned against the counter, his arms crossed. She recognized him immediately as the woodcarving master that had gifted her her tools, and her mouth hung open a little in surprise. His entire demeanor changed as he caught sight of her, and he rushed forward. 

"Oh, my dear, come in. Come in. This does change things a bit." He leveled a glare at his husband. "Rukan, you insufferable bastard, making her wait in the _pantry_."

"Apologies, my love." Rukan said, not sounding very sorry at all. "I can't help it, you're so lovely when you're frustrated."

Rhys rolled his eyes. "We'll have to pull another trunk," he said, down to business, and then muttered, "and find a leash for Ezra." 

Rukan laughed at that. "You give him too little credit. Ezra will be perfectly well behaved, I'm sure."

"As well behaved as you, husband?" He deadpanned. 

"Let's hope not."

"I-I don't want to be too much trouble--" Emaya tried when she found her voice. 

Rhys waved her words away, but a knock at the front door stopped him from whatever he was about to say. "I believe that is probably our guest, but just in case, my dear, if you could step back into the pantry?"

She nodded, tense, and slipped back into the pantry. Her heart pounded away in her chest, too loud for her to make out the muted conversation on the other end of the home. A few moments passed before Rhys popped his head into the pantry and smiled at her. She followed him back into the kitchen, and was relieved to see Iroh standing next to Rukan.

"Are we expecting any other guests?" Rhys asked Iroh.

"Only the two of us."

"I thought," he said carefully, eyeing Emaya, "perhaps, the Prince would like to join us?" He saw the girl winced, and immediately regretted asking.

"My nephew will find his own way today." Iroh said, somewhat stiffly.

"Would anyone like some tea?" Rhys asked the room, attempting to break some of the tension. "We've cleared the house out of most foodstuff in preparation of our _vacation_ , I'm afraid, but we could probably find something if you're hungry." 

"I would love some, thank you." Iroh beamed.

"No, thank you." Emaya said softly. "I'm sorry, but, what exactly is the plan? For, um, me?"

The three men shared a look, and Iroh stroked his beard. "My friends here have kindly offered us safe passage out of the Fire Nation."

"And then?" She hated how demanding she sounded, but she was tired and afraid and… trying not to think about it.

"Well, that is up to you, my dear. Ultimately, I plan to head to Ba Sing Se, as I have finished business there, but there will be many stops along the way, and you are free to take your leave at any of them, should you choose."

She just nodded. She wanted to ask again about Zuko, but knew the answer. She let the three of them plan, and let herself worry. Zuko wasn't stupid, he would _know_ he couldn't hope to get her out on his own, but he also had a really impressive track record of doing things he knew was hopeless. Iroh had said they needed to have faith, but having faith was not the problem. She trusted Zuko to do what he thought was right, the problem was she didn't know which he would feel was _more_ right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, also, I had not intended on this becoming explicit, but it might? I hope y'all don't mind. I'll put extra warnings if and when it happens if you want to skip it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I just need 2 throw away OC's for plot reasons
> 
> Also me: *writes an entire tangent chapter starring two gay dork husbands that occasionally smuggle contraband* 😅

Emaya was pulled from her musings by another person entering the kitchen. A younger man, probably only a year or so older than she was swaggered into the room. He seemed determined to take up as much space as possible.

"Ah, Ezra." Rhys greeted. "There you are. Any news?"

"The invasion has been quelled, nearly all of their forces were captured." He reported as if talking about the weather. "They got a lot farther than I expected, I'll give them that, a few of them even made it into the palace." 

Emaya sat up at that. Ezra's eyes flicked to her, his curiosity registering only for an instant before he masked it. She opened her mouth to ask, but Iroh beat her to it. 

"Has there been any talk of my nephew?" 

"None, General, sorry."

"Ez, we're going to need another trunk brought on board." Rukan said, and jutted his chin in Emaya's direction. 

"Really?" He stretched the word and arched an eyebrow.

"Ezra, no." Rhys said without looking up from his tea.

Rukan turned to the two fugitives. "Rhys and I will go on ahead, for appearance’s sake. Ezra will take you to the warehouse and then get you onto the ship. We should be on our way sometime this evening."

A little while later, Ezra was leading her and Iroh through twisting alleys until finally coming to a large, abandoned looking warehouse near the docks. 

When they had mentioned "trunks," Emaya had imagined being smuggled aboard in crates among the luggage. What they had meant, however, were literal _tree trunks_. Great, wide, towering columns of wood, with intricately carved landscapes that wrapped around the entirety of them. 

Ezra noticed her admiring them. "My dad does good work, eh?" 

She started, not expecting him to be standing so close. "It's beautiful. Rhys is your father?"

"One of them." He said before reaching forward and hitting a small latch hidden in the scene. He hefted the top half off of the trunk and set it onto the floor, revealing a hollow space inside. "Officials have been known to search luggage. With all the invading and intrigue going on today, it's better to be safe than sorry. A master wood-worker makes smuggling things almost too easy. Be right back." 

Iroh watched him go, and then turned to Emaya, wondering if it was his place to speak a word of warning. She was still looking at the hollowed shell of tree trunk, when she suddenly laughed. 

"You know," she said, turning to him, "if I remember correctly, the last time we spoke, you said you were too old for stowaway adventures."

He chuckled. "I did. Oh, to be so young and naive again."

Ezra came back, pulling a second trunk, squatter than the first but no less intricately carved. In a matter of minutes, both Iroh and Emaya were tucked snugly into the hollow wood on a cart and Ezra was pulling them along the docks. 

When it came to a stop, Emaya could hear muted voices around her. 

"Ah, one moment please!" Rhys called. "We'll need to declare one more pallet."

"Only previously approved items may be declared." A bored voice she didn't know replied. Some bureaucrat, she assumed.

"I'm sure we can make an exception? This is a make or break for my business, and I can't control a fickle buyer. You know how it is."

"Rhys," Rukan said, aghast, "you promised!" 

"It's just the one buyer, Rukan." Rhys replied dismissively. "A small stop on Ember Island, and we're on our way." 

"Sirs--" the man tried.

Rukan spoke over him. "This is supposed to be our anniversary getaway, not another one of your business trips. You do this every time!"

"Ahem--" He tried again.

"Look at it this way," Rhys said soothingly, "with this sale, we can add another week to the trip if you wish. I'll even take you to the theater while we're there." 

Emaya could almost imagine Rukan's pout. "Where you'll dine some other businessmen, I'm sure."

"Excuse--"

"Rukan, be reasonable--"

" _Reasonable?!_ You promised! Just a family vacation!"

"It _is_ a family vacation! You can't expect me to just _throw away_ a sale like this--"

"GENTLEMEN!" There was a pause. "Is this the pallet in question? Yes? Fine. You're all set. Have a good day." The wooden boards of the dock creaked as the man hurried past, probably at the end of his shift and glad to be done with bickering husbands.

Later, after their cart had been lifted and deposited onto the deck of the ship and then taken below-- an experience that Emaya hoped never to have to sit through again-- and after they'd been let out, she slipped away as soon as she could to take some time to herself. She went up on deck and leaned against the railing, watching Caldera shrink into the distance.

Was there really a ragged hole inside her chest, or did it just feel that way? She imagined it growing just as fast as the city was fading from view. This was not how things were supposed to end between them. She'd probably never see Zuko again, or her home, for that matter. She thought of Ikori and Chesu, and even Tala. She was losing them all.

Best case scenario, Zuko made it out, he'd find the Avatar, and they'd defeat the Fire Lord. Zuko would be crowned, or maybe Iroh would, and then married to some noble to keep the line intact. Even if she was offered her job back, she couldn't go back to how things had been. Not while he lived a few hallways away. She would have to make a life somewhere else. 

Maybe, she mused sadly, he'd think of her sometimes, even years from now. She couldn't imagine there ever being a day when she wouldn't think of him. He took up too much space inside her for that. 

She loved him.

 _Well, too late now, stupid_. She thought caustically, but that was unfair. The end result would be the same, regardless of how she felt. She tried to imagine her future without the pressures of the palace. Without the routines of the kitchens. Without Zuko. 

Maybe one day she could love someone else. Perhaps she could have a family, and when she was old she could tell her grandchildren about the time she'd spent with the Crown Prince. Would she tell it all? How she tried so hard not to fall in love with the boy she knew she couldn't have? How he kissed like he was drowning and her lips were air? Would they even believe her?

"Here you are." Said a voice too close to her ear, interrupting her musings. She jumped, and stepped away.

"Ezra. You startled me."

He smiled at her. "That just means you were thinking too hard." 

She turned her eyes back on the shrinking coastline. "Perhaps." She didn't want to be rude, but he was too jovial for her current melancholy, and she had no patience for it.

"Need a distraction?" He raised an eyebrow suggestively, but she didn't notice.

"I'm not sure anything could distract me right now."

He cupped a hand under her chin and turned her face to his. "Well, I'd certainly like to try." The suggestion was impossible to miss.

Her eyes grew wide and she jerked away from him. "A-are you hitting on me?" She asked, bewildered.

He didn't even blink, and his smile widened. "That depends, is it working?"

"Is it…" She repeated, and then she was angry all at once, stomping towards him as she spoke. "In the last twelve hours, I have been taken against my will, imprisoned, broken out, and then smuggled onto a ship. I am _right this minute_ trying to say goodbye to _everything_ I know and love," she shoved him, and he took some steps backward, "and you think you are going to make me feel better with your dick?" She shouted the last bit, and he had the grace to blush.

He put his hands up defensively, and then reached out and put a hand above her elbow. "Look, I didn't--"

"Stop touching me!" She shoved him again and then turned and stormed off below deck. 

She didn't even know where she was going, but found herself back where she had been let out of the trunk. It was quiet down there at least, and she was blissfully alone. She sat down next to it, hugged her legs, and let herself cry. 

Nearly an hour or so later, by her estimation, she heard someone coming noisily down the stairs, as if they were announcing their presence. Rhys appeared a short time later, smiling sadly down at her. 

"Ah, here you are." He pointed at the trunk. "Trying to steal company secrets?" She laughed a little in spite of herself and wiped her eyes on a sleeve. He fidgeted. "I wanted to apologize for Ezra's behavior. I knew he'd try." He rolled his eyes and heaved a long suffering sigh. "I meant to intervene beforehand, but…" he shrugged. "He's generally a good kid, but he gets all kinds of stupid when he sees a pretty face."

She looked at the ground. "I, um, wasn't exactly kind, I'm sorry."

"Oh, no, don't apologize! A little rejection will do him some good. Builds character, and he does _not_ see enough of it, I'm afraid. If I had a gold piece for every angry well-to-do banging on my door, bemoaning the deflowering of their sons and daughters… well, I'd retire."

She huffed a small laugh. got the distinct feeling he wasn't exaggerating. She sniffled. 

"Hasn't anyone shown you to your room?" She looked at him and shook her head. "Well that explains that. C'mon, I'll take you. I imagine it will be much more comfortable to cry in a bed than here on the floor." His words were blunt, but he said them gently.

Emaya stood, sniffled again, and paused. "How did you do that?" She blurted, waving a hand at the trunk.

"So you _are_ down here to steal my secrets." He teased.

"They look almost like…" she leaned one way, and then the other. "The cherry blossoms, they look like they are moving."

"Just a trick of the light. I can show you tomorrow, if you'd like?"

"Wait, really?" 

He laughed at how surprised she sounded. "It's my duty as a master of the craft to pass it on. And, just between you and I, there aren't exactly a ton of people lined up to learn." He smiled ruefully. "A few hobbyists, of course, but I fear it's a dying art. Makes for less competition, I suppose."

She nodded and followed him back up the stairs. The ship was bigger than she'd imagined, and Rhys showed her to a cabin, basically a closet with a bed and a shelf, but her bag already sitting on the cot. "It's a bit small, sorry, we're going to be a bit pressed for space soon." 

"There's only one bed." She murmured.

"Yes." He said slowly. "Do you need more than one?"

"No, sorry," she shook her head at herself, "that was silly. I just assumed I would be bunking with the crew or something? I've, um, never had my own room before." She said, a bit self consciously. "This is more than enough, thank you."

At that moment, Iroh appeared at her elbow. "Excuse me, friends. I know it is getting late, my dear, but I wonder if you would join me for some tea before you turn in?"

"O-of course." Something in the way he said it made her think she shouldn't say no, but she couldn't say what. Rhys excused himself, and she followed Iroh back to his room, which was understandably much bigger than hers had been. He was still part of the Royal Family, after all.

"Please, sit." He gestured towards a small table and busied himself with the brewing of the tea. 

Emaya sat, and fidgeted nervously, extremely aware of how swollen and splotchy her face must be from crying. She couldn’t imagine what he could possibly want from her, and she didn't like not knowing. Zuko had told her that his Uncle was a man of honor, but she owed him her freedom, possibly her life, and in her experience, even honorable men expected debts to be paid. Perhaps she could cook for them?

He was smiling benignly when he turned, and he set a cup in front of her. "Chamomile, to help you sleep."

"Thank you." She said softly as he sat down across from her. 

There was a beat of silence, and then he spoke. "I imagine you have questions for me."

"I--" His offer of information took her off guard. "I do." She said carefully, and he nodded. She thought about it and then asked, "I guess I want to know why?"

His eyebrows knit in confusion. "Why?" He repeated.

"Why did you go to the trouble of breaking me out too? You were on a time limit, the Prince and you aren't on the best terms, and I'm not really…" she struggled to find the right word, "of use to you for anything. I don't understand why you would risk it."

Iroh set down his cup with a sad look, and folded his hands. "I did it for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which being that you showed my nephew kindness when he needed it most, and I believe kindness should always be repaid."

She wasn't exactly satisfied with that answer, but accepted it, and moved on. "How, then? How did you know I was there?"

"Ah. Well, it was no omniscience on my part." He chuckled. "I benefited mostly from a combination of luck and convenient timing. They had been transferring inmates in anticipation of the eclipse for weeks, and pulled most of the guards for duty elsewhere, leaving it staffed with only a skeleton crew. The peace was welcome, if I am honest, but in the silence, the metal pipes and walls tended to send sounds on strange paths. It carried most of my niece's monologue to me, and I was able to make a guess at who you were."

"Oh." She wondered what parts of Azula's rant he had caught, and what he must think of her if he'd even caught half of the terrible assumptions she had made. She took a hurried sip of her tea to cover her mortification. 

"Yes." He hesitated. "I apologize if this is indelicate, but I do have to ask," he paused and took a slow breath, "should I be… concerned about your condition?"

She blinked at him, confused. "I feel fine?"

"Please don't misunderstand me, I would pose no threat to either of you, I only need to know so that we can have proper accommodations made. And I would ask that you remain with me for the time being, so that I can ensure your safety."

 _Either of who? What is he talking about?_ She shook her head slowly. "I don't--" She ran through everything Azula had said, to try to figure out why he would think she would be sick. She realized it all at once. _Oh._ She waved her hands frantically, and turned bright red. "Oh, no. I'm definitely not pregnant, if that's what you mean."

"You are sure?" He pressed, seemingly unphased by her discomfort.

She looked everywhere but at the man across from her. "Very sure. You don't have to worry, because we-- Zuko and I-- we never, um, actually did, uh, that." Was it possible to die of embarrassment? She hoped so, because otherwise, she'd have to just keep on living in this particularly humiliating moment.

"I see." He said, but it sounded like he didn't see at all. 

"Yeah, uh, the Prince was worried that his dad-- er, the Fire Lord" she corrected quickly, "might take offense if news got around that we weren't, so we sort of made sure that we were caught, um, in a compromising position so that everyone would think that we were?" She cringed and hoped it didn't sound as crazy as it felt to say. "Azula saw that I was skipping my morning tea, and I hadn't even _thought_ of that, but I think it's what convinced her that we were, um, intimate? She assumed I was trying to have a baby or whatever, because I guess she couldn't fathom that I just genuinely enjoyed Zuko's company when we were kids? But I only didn't drink it because it wasn't necessary, because we weren't actually having sex. Not to mention the contraceptive herbs make the tea taste awful, it's terribly bitter, even with honey." She was aware that she was rambling, and she fell quiet.

"Hmm." Was all he said, and Emaya didn't know what that meant, so she stayed quiet. Iroh looked contemplative, and then the corners of his lips twitched upwards just the slightest bit. "Thank you for telling me. May I ask, which of you proposed this, ah, arrangement?"

Her entire face was red, and she studied the grain of wood on the table. "It sort of just, happened. I hadn't exactly volunteered to be _gifted_ to someone, but I wasn’t mad about getting to see him again. After a while, I think--" she stopped. "Anyway, we did what we had to do to stay safe, and stay together.

"If he had been anyone else…" She didn't like to think about it. "I was at his mercy. He could have, but he said he wouldn't, and he didn't."

Something seemed to loosen in the way Iroh held himself. "That is a relief. My nephew walks a very difficult line, and sometimes," he looked down at his cup, "sometimes he stumbles." 

Emaya could only think of the night Zuko had confessed his betrayal to his Uncle, and how much it had pained him. She wondered if she should say something, if it was her place, but he spoke again before she could decide.

"You care for him very much."

She swallowed. "I… I do." He made to say something, but Emaya stalled him. She did not need a lecture about her _place_. "I'm not… naive." She said firmly. "I know that-- that we won't--" she looked away and grit her teeth to stop her quivering lip, and tried again. "I know that his future is _bigger_ than mine. You don't have to worry about me trying to weasel into the royal family or whatever Azula said. I tried not to let myself-- but he's just so…" She stopped herself again. 

"There are two things we have no control over, my dear. One is fate, and the other is the heart. And it is impossible to completely know either."

Emaya didn't know what to make of that, but it didn't sound like an endorsement to marry his nephew, so she didn't say anything more. Later, when she collapsed onto the cot in her room, she had the thought that it hadn't sounded like he was telling her she couldn't, either. She put that thought into a tight box and slammed the lid. Hope was only a doorway to disappointment


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, look! I'm not dead! Work on this fic is slow, but not completely halted. I'm struggling a lot with my depression, and hoping once my life settles down a bit I will be able to write more. Thank you for your patience. :)

She slept fitfully. Sleeping alone was new, and, well, lonely. Definitely a step up from the crowded staff bunker in the palace-- no one snoring, or getting up to use the bathroom, or sneaking into another bunk and trying (and failing) to be quiet-- but it was _too_ quiet and too empty.

She tossed and turned, the gentle rocking of the boat more disconcerting than comforting, and she woke up feeling almost more tired than she had been when she fell asleep. She got dressed, made herself presentable and then ventured out cautiously, grabbing her tools out of her bag on the way out. Just in case Rhys had been serious about showing her a few things. 

She blinked as she climbed up to the deck, it was earlier than she had thought, and the sky was still tinged with pink. Deckhands moved quickly to and fro, keeping the ship on course, she assumed. Rhys sat at a table, his tools spread out in front of him, careful focus on some tiny piece in his hands. Towards the bow of the ship, Rukan and Ezra circled each other, weapons in hand.

Ezra did a double take and blushed when he saw her, pausing, he gave a tentative wave. Rukan rolled his eyes before he dropped low and swept his feet out from under his son. He sheathed his blades and then smacked Ezra in the back of the head. "Pay _attention._ Never lose focus of your opponent."

"That was a dirty trick, and you know it!"

Emaya tried to hide her smile, and walked over to where Rhys glared at his project. His whole demeanor changed when he noticed her. "Good morning, dear, did you sleep well?"

"Yes," She lied, "thank you. I don't mean to interrupt." She motioned to the table.

"Oh, no. You are a welcome distraction, I am about fed up with this, anyway." He dumped a mess of oddly shaped pieces onto the table with a sigh. "Come, sit."

She sat. "A-actually I was sort of hoping…" she held up her toolkit and gave him a hopeful look. And he absolutely beamed.

"Now you've done it." Rukan said jokingly, coming up next to her. 

"Oh, hush, Rukan. Let me have this." 

Rukan scooped up his hand and kissed it. "This and the world, my love."

Rhys made a show of waving him off, but Emaya could see the pleased smile he tried to hide. She breathed a small sigh of relief when Ezra chose to go below deck instead of joining them. Rhys cleared his mess from the table and began lining up different pieces of unmarked wood. 

"Pick your poison, dear." 

Emaya carefully inspected each piece. It felt like a test, but she didn't know what the right answer was. She settled on a smaller, dark block of wood. She waited, but Rhys never said whether it was the right choice. She laid out her tools carefully, and she saw Rhys' frown.

"You are missing one." He said, unsuccessfully hiding his disappointment.

"Oh, um. Yeah." She said guiltily, remembering. "I sort of, stabbed a guy with it? It got lost in the scuffle."

Laughter burst out of Rukan, startling her. He dropped a hand on Rhys' shoulder. "Oh no, I'm sorry love, looks like this one is mine, after all." He said, still laughing.

Rhys looked affronted, and she couldn't help but try to explain. "I was holding it when they came for me, and I was afraid. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened. Like a reflex?"

Rukan was still chuckling, and Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose with one hand and made a dismissive gesture at his husband with the other. He took a deep breath.

"It was the closest thing to a weapon I had…" She was almost pleading. The last thing she wanted was for Rhys to think she didn't appreciate his gift, because she did. She didn't think she could articulate how much it meant to her.

The husbands shared a look, and Rhys patted her hand. "That's okay, dear, I'm just glad you're okay. But perhaps… Perhaps it would be best if you studied a bit with Rukan. He can teach you how to stab people properly. With _actual_ weapons." He lowered his voice to a stage whisper. "He fancies himself a bit of a rogue, you know."

"Only because you fancy when I'm roguish, dearheart." Rukan shot back slyly.

Emaya had a hard time keeping track of the actual conversation, among their interjected banter. "You want to teach me how to fight?" She paused. "I'd much rather know how to make cherry blossoms move, if I'm honest, but…" she thought of how helpless she'd felt the day before, "it would be good to be able to protect myself, I guess."

"There's no reason you can't do both." Rukan suggested gently. "You can join Ez and I in the mornings, and you can scrape wood or whatever it is with Rhys in the evenings."

Rhys stared at him flatly. "You are on very thin ice, sir."

Rukan ignored him, keeping his eyes on Emaya. "What do you think?"

"I think that I would really appreciate that," She said carefully, "I wish there was some way I could repay you, you've both been so kind."

"The pleasure of your company is payment enough." Rukan said, laying it on thick once again. 

"But also maybe don't use your newfound skills to stab our son." Rhys said, only half joking. "Unless he really deserves it, I suppose."

"I'll try not to." She laughed.

Rhys did not teach her how to make cherry blossoms move that day. Instead, he showed her how to properly grasp her chisels, and tsked at her whenever she slipped back into a more familiar, more comfortable grip. 

She huffed after the twentieth time. "I don't understand how being uncomfortable will make me better at this."

"Don't sulk." He admonished. "This way affords more control, and you will get used to it, and then you will say, 'Rhys, you were right, I don't know how I ever got along all that time holding it incorrectly.'" She only sighed and rolled her eyes in response. He made a grabbing hand motion without looking up. "Let me see." 

She passed him the block of pine she was practicing on. He'd tasked her with creating a relief carving with a simple repeating pattern, and she'd chosen to do overlapping leaves. 

"See?" He said smugly before handing it back. "Compare these first few with these down here. You are already improving."

They took all their meals right there on the deck, and by the end of the day, her hands ached. She would have to build new callouses, but she didn't mind. She had been able to lose herself in the repetitive motions, her mind blissfully empty outside of the familiar pulling scrape of metal on wood. 

She lamented the fact that she couldn't have that sort of pin-point focus all the time, the ache of loss creeping back already as she made her way back to her room. She had nearly made it when a hesitant voice called out to her.

"Hey, wait up." She sighed and turned to see Ezra some ten steps behind her. She crossed her arms, but he held up his hands in a show of surrender. "I just want to apologize. I didn't know who you were or what all you were going through. I-- I was out of line."

"Apology accepted." She said stiffly. "Maybe in the future, you can try to have an actual conversation with someone before you proposition them." She turned to leave, but he followed her, a grin forming on his face.

"Hey, in my defense, people that we sneak out of the country are generally on board with a night of distractions."

She grit her teeth, her hand on her doorknob. "Or maybe, they feel like they _owe_ you the favor. This being your dad's boat and all." 

"What? No. That's…" A look of horror flitted across his face, and then shame. "I've... never thought about it like that."

Emaya felt weirdly guilty, so she tried to soften her tone. "Well, you should."

He shifted uneasily and then glanced at her. "So, friends then?"

"If I say yes, are you going to be weird?"

He smirked. "Define 'weird.'" She scoffed and made to go into her room. "Okay, okay. I was just kidding." She stilled and regarded him coolly. He caught her flexing her hands to work out some of the soreness. "I can help with that. C'mon. Nothing _weird_ , I swear."

He took her into the galley, and told her to sit. He pulled down a small basin, and filled it with hot water, adding a few herbs and some salt that smelled like lavender. He set it in front of her and told her to soak her hands. It felt amazing, and she wished she could immerse her whole self in that basin. 

She sighed and closed her eyes while Ezra meandered about the ship's kitchen, gathering a few things before sitting down across from her. 

"So…" he drew out the word, "the Prince, huh?" 

She stared at him, incredulous. "What?"

He shrugged. "It, uh, might have come up while I was being lectured yesterday." 

She groaned and thunked her head down onto the table. "What did they say?" She demanded without lifting her head.

He laughed a little. "Just the usual. 'Next time use your brain, Ezra,' and 'a little respect goes a long way, Ezra,' and 'please don't proposition the Crown Prince's intended, Ezra.'" He rolled his eyes.

She barked a laugh in spite of herself and looked up. "The Crown Prince's _what_ now?"

"Intended. Aren't you betrothed or something?"

"No." Emaya scoffed in disbelief, and shook her head. "I'm not highborn enough for that." She muttered, sounding more bitter about it than she'd intended.

"Well, someone better tell my dads, because they're already planning the wedding." Ezra might have sounded a little bitter too.

"Don't they have anything better to do than speculate on my love life?" She grumbled.

He smiled. "Sorry, my dads only have three hobbies." He ticked them off on his fingers. "Being disgustingly affectionate, bickering, and gossiping. Sometimes there's overlap." He took her hands out of the basin and dried them before dabbing some fragrant oil onto one of her palms and rubbing it in. "This will help stop the blisters from splitting."

She watched him work the oil into her skin, a little detached. He pointedly kept his eyes on his work. "So, you _aren't_ with the Prince then?" 

She sighed. "I-- I don't know. I mean, I'm _not,_ obviously, but I sort of was?"

Ezra gave up trying not to look, and watched her face, chewing his lip in confusion. He sucked in a breath, as if he'd figured it out. "I've got it, secret forbidden romance, right?"

The real answer was no, but the simple answer was "Kind… of?"

"But you were discovered, and that's why we had to get you out." 

"Not, um, exactly. I'd rather not go over it again right now." She said stiffly.

"Right. I wasn't thinking, sorry." He nodded to her hands. "Better?"

"Yes. Thank you."

*~*~*~*

Over the next few weeks, her life changed so drastically from what she'd known, that it was almost surreal at times. Their ship meandered, stopping nearly every other day, and it seemed they "ran into old friends" at every port, who inevitably joined them on their cruise. 

Emaya met each one as they joined them-- humble florists and swords masters and defected generals-- and though no one ever mentioned her past or Zuko in her hearing, she couldn't shake the feeling that they all _knew_. Some undercurrent of not-quite-pity that she hated, so she did her best to avoid them all. 

She spent most mornings with Rukan, who didn't use a sword but instead preferred two wicked looking knives. "A sword has a better reach," he'd warned her, "but can become heavy in a lengthy fight. These are more versatile, but generally, they are more up close and personal."

Emaya did not care to learn how to use a sword. In her mind, a sword strapped to your back sent the message: "I know how to sword, challenge me to a duel!" While a couple of knives sent the message: "get too close, and I will stab you." Besides, she didn't _want_ to fight anybody… if she was pulling a weapon, it was because the situation was already up close and personal. 

She was not a quick study, and she landed on her back more than she landed hits, but after a while, it started taking Rukan longer and longer to disarm her or land a "killing" blow. 

She made far more headway with her art. Rhys never seemed to run out of new tricks or techniques to teach her, and she devoured them, always hungry for more. He'd once caught her glaring at a block of ash, and chuckled at her. 

"Does it owe you money?"

She started and looked at him confused before smiling at herself. "Oh. No. It's just, I'm trying to figure out what it wants to be?"

"Ah." He commiserated. 

"People usually look at me weird when I say stuff like that." She said.

"Yes, Rukan likes to tease me for speaking to my current project, but how else are we to come to an accord?"

She nodded vigorously. "They think you just pick up any block and make it into whatever pops in your head, but I learned the hard way that it's not like that at all. I ruined three perfectly good pieces, because I needed to make a turtleduck, but the wood wanted to be something else, and I didn't listen. Even the one that turned out, I think it settled because it felt bad for me."

"As you get better, you will also get better at convincing the wood that you know best." Rhys winked and pulled out his own project. "Though, it may take a few healthy debates… and the occasional curse."

*~*~*~*

From time to time, she would go to shore with the rest, to peruse a market or just to break up the monotony of life on the ship, but she'd noticed that when she did, one of their new recruits would conveniently need to be in the same place. She knew they were watching her, but couldn't for the life of her figure out why. Where else could she go? And why would they care? What did it matter if she did want to go off on her own? Iroh had said she would be free to go, but had he meant it?

She asked Ezra once. After they had gotten past that terrible first impression, they had actually become rather good friends. She noticed _he_ never had an assigned sidekick.

"Have you noticed," she said carefully, "that I'm never left unattended off the ship?"

They were holed up in her cabin, passing a bottle of plum wine that he'd smuggled from the kitchen back and forth between them. At this point, hers was the only cabin that hadn't been commandeered in the name of more guests, there were so many extra bodies on the ship that Emaya wondered how it stayed afloat. Her cabin was so small that they couldn't have put another person in there if they'd tried. As it was, with the two of them lounged on opposite ends of the cot, the room felt more like a closet than anything else. 

Ezra chuckled at her question. "There's only one thing I notice when we're docked." 

Emaya rolled her eyes. He always disappeared as soon as the ship docked, and then returned again just as they were shoving off, with tales of all the people he'd managed (or tried) to seduce. Heavily embellished tales, she assumed, but she enjoyed the telling. He was an adept storyteller, and she would inevitably end the night with her face buried in her hands cringing in second hand embarrassment, or with her sides in stitches from laughing so hard. 

This particular night, he'd told her he'd spent the whole day chasing after a handsome farmhand only to strike out after an unfortunate miscommunication with his twin brother that nearly ended in a fist fight. 

"Okay, it's your turn." He said, making grabby hand motions for the bottle she held.

She was still giggling a little at his story, the wine making her warm and floaty. She passed him back the bottle. "What do you mean?"

"C'mon, Emaya, spill. I've been so good, not asking, but I'm actually _dying_ of curiosity." She looked at him confused, and he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "You were with the _Prince_ , and I _have_ to know."

"I don't know any--" she started.

"Come on, Pleeeeease?" He pouted. "I tell you every sordid detail, just give me _something_."

She rolled her eyes. "No, Ezra, I'm saying that I really don't know. And don't act like I _ask_ about your affairs."

He held up a finger in protest. "No, but you love it, don't pretend like you don't. And don't try to change the subject, either. How could you _not_ know?"

"Well, we never really, um--" she made a face.

"You--" His mouth hung open in disbelief. "Oh, no. Never?" She shook her head, and he looked distressed. "Oh, Agni. With anyone?" She shook her head again. "Oh, spirits forgive me. Are you telling me this whole time I have been defiling your _virgin_ ears with tales of my.. my deeds?!"

She burst out laughing, and snatched back the bottle of wine. "You're an idiot. I've heard worse from castle maids, I promise."

"I'm going to one of the Hells now, thanks to you." He tried to sound angry, but he was laughing half way through. 

"We came close, once." She offered softly, after they'd quit laughing, and fallen silent, her heart squeezing tight in her chest. "Zuko and I, that last night we were together. He offered, but I... declined." 

"Declined? Why?" He spluttered. "What's with you and the declining??" 

"Shut up." She said, exasperated, hitting his leg. "I thought-- looking back, I know it's silly, but I knew we couldn't be together-- I thought the farther we let it go, the more this part would hurt."

Ezra sobered, and didn't pry for more, she hardly ever talked about her time with the Prince, and he didn't want to push. After a few minutes, and another drink from the bottle, she continued. 

"But it hurts anyway. I don't know how it could possibly hurt any worse. I wake up, and the first thought I have is me wondering if I will ever see him again. Wondering if he is chained to a wall somewhere in Caldera, or if he's even still alive. I regret it so much, Ez. I wish I had said yes, so I could have more of him than a handful of kisses and almosts."

"Spirits, that's tragic." She looked like she might start to cry, and he couldn’t have that. He clutched his chest dramatically and let out a wistful sigh. "I never even had a chance with you." 

She smiled, albeit sadly, and rolled her eyes. "No, you absolutely did not."

"Probably for the best, since I'm pretty sure my dads are drawing up adoption papers as we speak. Little miss perfect over here." He made to take the bottle back but flicked her in the forehead instead.

"Ow! You little--" She hit his leg again before rubbing her head and grumbling, "I'm not perfect, just… appreciative."

"You mean you're a suck up." 

"I _mean_ I'm respectful. You could give it a try sometime." She teased.

__

"Gross, no thank you."

__

She shrugged. "Then don't come crying to me when I'm the favorite."

__

"You're already the favorite." He stuck his tongue out at her, relief filling his chest as she dissolved into laughter once again.

__


End file.
